Cancer Survivors

Chuck and I were invited to attend a cancer survivors' support group that recently started up in our area. We went to our first meeting last night, and frankly I wasn't expecting many people.

The room was packed. So many people, with so many different stories, but all dealing with the sane Beast. There were a lot of tears shed; a lot of bravery and faith. And an instant forming of bonds between people who'd never know each other before.

There was a couple sitting next to me who I was chatting with at the end of the meeting. It turned out that Chuck was scheduled to drive him to his treatment this morning, which is where he is now.

I don't think I've ever seen so much love and caring in one place. It was a perfect way to spend Velentine's Day evening.

Jackie, I'm so glad to hear of your positive experience with a support group. After Gary's stroke we learned of the support groups for many different diseases.

I'm kind of sad because my mother-in-law who had breast cancer about 35 years ago had no support group to go to. She wasn't even able to talk to anyone who had gone through the same surgery before or after she had hers.

Times sure have changed, and for the better in this respect. It really helps to talk to people who have gone through the same things.

[ February 15, 2006, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

This is the first support group Chuck and I have gone to for cancer patients, survivors and their caretakers. The other groups we've been to have been for specific cancers, and we didn't come out of any of them feeling comfotable. This is a brand new one that the Regional Cancer Center in Nashua, where people come for treatments, is sponsering. I was blown away by the support and compassion I found there. It's taken us 9 years to find a group like this!

Jackie...So glad to hear that you have finally found a group where you can feel comfortable.
I can't go to support groups of any kind as yet.
It seems like every one that I become involved with, all they do is talk about their problems and don't want to get on with life. I don't know, maybe I'm being to insensitive?
Lynne

Hi. I found that the support group members talked about problems so they could solve them so they could get on with life. No one wanted to stay stuck in the cancer victim role. We did so many wonderful things in our cancer support group that helped us move on. It's been 2 years since the end of my cancer experience and I am thinking of joining a group again. Because the one lingering question is if and when cancer will return. Groups change dynamics with each change of member(s) so what didn't work one time might work at another time. LL, L

Lynnie,
I saw on TV about a cancer support group through the PC . You can contact people . Not sure of the web site. My friend has the carcinoid cancer of the liver and is being treated with chemo , but the tumor is not skrinking at this time and only 25% of her liver is functioning . Makes me very sad .

Renee, isn't it hard to watch friends and family suffer?

Perhaps this is a good place to ask those who have been through treatments:

What was it that others did for you that made you feel better when you were smack-dab in the middle of treatments? I'd love to know.

Dotsie,
Yes, it is hard to see my friend being sick . She has been my friends for over 38 years . Long lasting friendship . Her brother started a Yahoo support group for her so we can keep track of her progress and her chemo treatments.

Renee

Several answers here, I hope.

Dotsie, the best thing anyone could give me when I was having my radiation treatments was a hug. One thing Chuck and I found -- and we've since heard from other cancer patients -- is that a lot of people you know will back away from you when they find out you have cancer. You need to accept that they can't be there for you and go on, being grateful to those who can.

I got lots of cards and notes from friends, which I kept with me in the apartment we stayed in in Boston for those 5 weeks. I also used coloring books as art therapy.

There are many cancer suport groups on the internet. Chuck actually owns one for cancer survivors that used to be very active. Now it's pretty quiet, because most of us are too busy celebrating life to spend much time there.

Yes, people talk about their problems in support groups. They also comfort each other and offer encouragement. Chuck and I were invited to this one because we've been cancer-free for a while and do a lot of volunteer work for the American Cancer Society. I have find that people whose lives have been touched by cancer share an instant bond. At least the ones I've met do.

Dotsie, one thing is this: sometimes I wanted to be left alone. And I was glad for when my friends and family respected that. Cards helped a lot. I appreciated and saved every single card, whether funny or sappy. Each and every phone call meant something. The question, "Can I give you a hug?" meant a lot.

I went thru my breast cancer pretty much alone, even tho' I'm married.
I had two lumpectomies, and then radiation.
When I told my husband I had breast cancer, he just stood and stared at me. I had to reach for him, and I hugged him.
I would work all day, go across the street from the hospital and have my radiation every day for 12 weeks.
No comments from my husband. None!!!
Please don't say he didn't know what to say, he just didn't care.
My oldest daughter was living in Vancouver at the time and was about to have my first Grandson.
Told the doc's they couldn't do anything to me until he was born.
I was told on my 50th BD that I had breast cancer, and he was due on my BD. He was born three days later.
That's what got me thru the breast cancer. My first Grandchild!
Then was told I was a breast cancer survivor, and the next day was told I had Melanoma.
Still no support from my husband. His comment was, "Just consider it as a new adventure."
I watched a co-worker go thru her husband dying from Melanoma on his back, exactly where they found mine.
Thank God both my dtrs. were living in town by then I had their support.
I handled it as not talking about it, just going on with what I always did before. Work, work, and work.
Now that I type all that out......I really don't know how I did it.
I am a survivor!!!! Like all the rest of us here!
Lynne

I would like to give all of you big hugs.
I'm so glad your here, to hug.
(((HUGS)))

Jackie, I've often heard of people volunteering to support cancer patients in some way after surviving cancer. You and your husband must offer so much hope at thist ime in your lives. What an inspiration.

Lynnie, cards and calls. They're such simple things to do. Why don't we send and make them more often?

Lynne, I am so grateful you had the loving support of your daughters. How old were they at the time?

Yes, Dotsie, cards were important. I would look at each one and think "this person took the time out of his/her day to go to the card store, take a look see, and pick out a card especially for me at this moment in time." I never take nothing for granted no more! L, L

That last sentence says it all, Lynnie. Can't take nothing for granted no more once you realize how short life can be.

Jackie......you are so right on about not taking anything for granted.
Dotsie....my oldest was 30 and the youngest was 27. Both girls were not living in Olympia when I was diagnosed with the breast cancer, but were here when I was diagnosed with the Melanoma.
When the doc's office called and said they wanted to see me(I worked across the parking lot from him at the hospital)I called my girl's and they met me there. I really needed them there!
After being told you have cancer once, it's so hard being told twice! And there are so many out there that have been told many times, and still survive!!!
Lynne

Lynne, I am sorry to hear that your husband could not respond with support to your cancer experiences. If not for your daughters and doctors, you must have felt so alone! I wish I could give you a hug. Love and Light, Lynn

I just talked to a very dear friend of mine who went through breast cancer about 3 years ago...the cancer is back...and I guess they said there is nothing they can do. (I didn't ask for details). She is going through chemo again - she is going to fight - she has 3 beautiful daughters 15, 13, 10...and a husband who is cold as ice.

She said the hardest thing isn't living or dieing, it's her husband.

If you feel like lifting her up in prayer, her name is Tina. She is a treasure. She is a woman of great faith.

I can't imagine going through this, let alone without the support of your husband. I know you ladies know what I mean.

:0(

Danita

Oh how I wish I could wave a wand and have this terrible, ugly disease wiped from the face of the earth. I'm so sorry Lynne to read all of this and I too hold you close to my heart. You are such a brave and dear woman!

Danita, I will pray for Tina and her family, and also for her husband's heart to melt so that he can see the great need in front of him and respond with love and tenderness. This just breaks my spirit into!

JJ

Lynne, I offer this as, I hope, comforting words to you:

My mother in law had breast cancer in her late fifties. In her late seventies she also was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She lived a happy, pain free life which was normal in every way until her death.

She was 87 when she passed away and it was not from cancer.

Cancer is not always an automatic death sentence.

[ February 18, 2006, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

Ladies....thank you so much for all your kind words. Makes me feel much better.
I just pull up those big girl panties and get on with it all the time.
But at times, as you all know, I get into a "funk" and it's hard not to remember the past.
Love, peace, and joy to all!
Lynne

I'm one of the lucky ones who has faced cancer a number of times with TONS of support and it's made it easier than I can possibly express. Friends, family, prayer chains with strangers involved....it's heartening and encouraging and a HUGE blessing. I can only hope that those of you who are dealing with cancer yourselves or in your families can FIND support - if your friends and families aren't there for you (and I can't imagine something more painful than that!) find a support group somewhere.

Believing in yourself, and in the FUTURE keeps the positivity flowing and I know that without that, I wouldn't be here today myself.

If any of you need to vent or have nobody "in your corner" - PM me or email me...as I said, support is so important!

Hugs to everyone who is now dealing with, or has dealt in the past with this awful disease.

What I'm seeing here only reaffirms my faith in the love and support that are such an important part of fighting any life-threatening illness.

Right now I'm fighting a sansty head cold and can't think straight, let alone write straight. But if anyone wants to pm me about cancer survival and support, please feel free.

The stories we've been sharing here have touched me in a way that's impossible to describe.

I so pray that one day our kids will talk about cancer the way our generation speaks of polio.

There will be a vaccine for every kind of cancer imaginable.

They will talk about how barbaric the treatments were and their children will respond with disbelief.

Let's all keep praying for a cure.

Until, may God wrap His loving arms around every person going through treatments (feel them), and those who are loving and caring for them. May everyone feel His sympathy and live through His strength He so freely gives all who ask.

Lovely sentiment Dotsie....I too pray for a cure. They are making strides in the treatment arena, but it's a long road.

Meanwhile those of us who deal with this horrible disease are grateful for the love and support of anyone and everyone who has it to give.