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#147619 - 05/03/08 07:23 PM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
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Edelweiss, dearest..thank you for the tip on the article. I read it, of course, I say..subjectively. And it kind of disappointed me..I think the author still gives alot of bad feelings to the poor person who has tried and tried so long..and still can´t find a way to survive in their marriage. He ends with all that about "death do us part"..it´s sort of his conclusion. I get the feeling that this is his main message..and that can breed guilt in someone who is trying so hard..but still not able to make it. Yes, I see myself in the article and do not think he gives me respect for the decision I finally made to "leave". The picture of being 75 or 72 and hearing the cry that ends all communication is the picture that hurts the most, perhaps, when you decide that you must leave..because you will not, then, share your older years with this person that you have so much history with..in my case, as you know by now..32yrs of marriage and 5 children, one that has passed on, and 4 grandchildren. There is no other man that can share all of this with me..but still I couldn´t stay. I wanted to so badly..we had built so much together..but ´my hubby just didn´t have respect, maybe even love, for the person I had become. I think the author is trying to show some understanding for those of us that have had to go..but he doesn´t succeed. And this disappoints me..do you understand?? Hugs, dear Edelweiss..and thank you anyway!
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"some sacred place.."
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#147621 - 05/04/08 06:19 AM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Member
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
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I can't read that whole sermon. But the question of this thread is a good question. If we want to continue with this thread, I'd like us to define a "bad marriage." The obviously bad marriage is one with violence, where either or both people are not safe, and children are threatened. Another obviously bad is with alcoholism and/or drug addiction, where the user has refused help. Another is financial infidelity, oh, of course other infidelity. Ok, so aside from the obvious, how do you define bad? Is it no sex, too much sex, not on the same wavelength, grown apart, values changed, one on a spiritual path, the other on a shallow existence. Is boring bad? Or do you just focus on the good and have gratitude and ignore what you are not getting that may make the marriage "bad." Is it bad when you marry your best friend, but then you've lost chemistry? I guess it's not bad if it doesn't bother each partner. The experts always say tht romantic love is not the same as long-term marriage love. Really asking what do you all think? L, PL
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#147623 - 05/06/08 03:36 AM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
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How about if a women is so bored she goes to another man? By the time she has started an affair, she has already let go, emotionally.
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#147625 - 06/06/08 03:32 PM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
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Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida
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I agree with you jabber. I think nowadays our children grow up in a society of so much divorce they aren't as interesting or maybe compelled to "tie the knot" with someone they love. I know when I was a girl I dreamed of turning 18 and marrying. I have a grown daughter who is 29 and a single mom. She has no desire to marry. I can't blame her. I don't want my kids to think that because I can't find a spouse that I want to stay with the rest of my life, I don't take marriage seriously. I just pick the wrong type of men to marry, probably because I don't think I deserve better? If that makes any sense...
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Kathy
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#147626 - 06/06/08 06:26 PM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
[Re: KitKat]
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Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
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I've always marvelled at some elderly people who have been married 60, even 70 years. I believe our parents felt that "till death do us part" was the way it was no matter what and they were far more committed to marriage than generations after that. That being said, I also feel that many stayed in horrible relationships forever because "that's the way it was." Our generation came along and may have recognized that and we started the divorce explosion. So now our children do feel it's more of an option than not. By the way, welcome Kit Kat !
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If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett
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#147627 - 06/06/08 07:14 PM
Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage?
[Re: ladyjane]
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Writer
Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
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Welcome KitKat to the forum... I feel sorry for those women who stayed in a marriage because of their religion, or because they were always taught it was 'till death do you part.' My own wonderful mother stayed with my dad who was abusive mentally, and tried to keep her bare foot and pregnant, literally. She divorced him after 25 years BUT only because we older kids made her do it. Dragged her to a lawyer. She said she never would have done it on her own. She was terrified and was completely shocked to see she could make it on her own. Now however, marriage is like a pair of shoes, if they hurt your feet after awhile, off they go and get a new pair, dress too tight, 86 it. Job doesn't make you feel good, quit, get a new job and so on and so on. Where and when, if ever, will there be a happy medium? Woman aren't those intimated little girls anymore... This is a good thing but has some bad circumstances as well. It is hard on todays children too.
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