Smile,

I am an example of Harietta's love (had to redefine God, over the years, decided to call my new idea, Harietta) for sure. I am just a small, little person, who recieved a HUGE blessing, in the form of Nichole. It's she who is reaching out and sending us all strengths we didn't expect to find....When I first heard of her brain tumor, and the expectations of her life, I didn't think I could hold on for another minute. This pain slashed so thoroughly through my very soul, that I became a mute. I couldn't talk. I couldn't think. I could only mimic life. Walking around, listening to doctors upon doctors. Upon doctors. Which I thought had no true knowledge about what was really happening....Certainly they knew words like , craniopharyngioma. They knew brain stem things, they knew pituitaries and hypothalmus. They knew cortisol, anti-diuretic hormone, thyroid hormone, female hormones, and a very frightening hormone - growth. Linear growth. They knew nothing. Nothing at all.......

Had I known then, what the years for her would have been like, and the years for us too, I would surely have taken us both to a mountain top in Montana, and jumped off.

But I didn't. A good thing. So day by day by day by day, she improved. So did I. But it was SO hard. REALLY hard. Not just a little hard, but as hard as it gets.....And this proved to be just the beginning.......

Things got worse after awhile. The seizures began. And then they really tanked. Seizures so severe that she became blue, quit breathing altogether....She must have had a thousand of them, maybe more. For 18 years. We lived in hospitals. Mayo Clinic. 3 months at least, on several occasions. Semi-comas,near death from one thing or another. But ALWAYS coming through. Always coming back to her sweet self - ok, not so sweet always, not me either - but we made it every time. So many times. So many.

But Nichole was a champion. She taught me to try and try and try and try. I still cannot believe she hung on as long as she did. She was aware of everything - the sadnessess of her life, the monumental efforts needed by her and me, and Sam. Still, she tried every day. And just as she was finally beginning to see some light in her future, some hope that she could live in the true sense......

She had found a young man who was a life -guard at the Y where she went to swim with her attendant 3 times a week. He was so nice to her, and treated her with respect and dignity. She began to like him.....Of a sudden, Nichole would ask me to buy new perfume, lipstick, blush. "Do you think we could streak my hair, Mom?" Absolutely! Let's go get some stuff right now!

Two days later, she was gone.

Strength? I didn't have it. She gave it to me. And still does....So we all have strength we didn't know we possessed....through the great wonder of loving. The greatest strength of all.

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