I had long wanted to do some missionary work, but was constantly rejected because of my history of depression. which probably contributed to the growing sense of worthlessness at that time, being unable to find any doors that would open. Now I'm able to channel that hunger to do missionary/humanitarian work in Cuba, and that is where I am most alive nowadays. I have to trust that everything happens for a reason and that doors didn't open back then because they weren't meant to. Now I have the energy, mindset and stamina to do the work, back then, I probably didn't have it. I suffered with fairly debilitating chronic fatigue for close to 30 years - all fixed with my hysterectomy, which has my doctor completely baffled. She thinks now that many of those symptoms - depression, fatigue, etc, could have been hormonal all along. Sad if you think about it too long, which I don't allow myself to think...one could look back and see so much potential wasted, but we can't change history. So I have to see it all as gift, building up all the skills and mindsets that I need now.

Anyway, through it all my faith has been my constant companion and strength...though there have been times when I've walked away from God in anguish and sense of betrayal. Healing keeps happening despite it all, LOL. Now I feel closer than ever to Him, but still can't bring myself to go back to the institutional church. Someday maybe. For now, our work in Cuba is a huge blessing to us.