Mammajude--when my daughter was first diagnosed, I was possessed with anxiety. I was running interference between her and the school, her and the doctor, her and the world. (She was a young adult.) I worried constantly about her safety and her health, then wondered: "Who else in the world knows about this kind of fear?" Somewhere within me, I got the response: "Families of alcoholics do. They know about feeling over-responsible and helpless and scared of the next crisis."

I attended a 12-Step group for awhile, and found a lot of strength and wisdom there. I learned a lot about living one day at a time, turning loose of the things I couldn't control, and detaching with love.

Bipolar people who are not in appropriate therapy behave a lot like alcoholics who are drinking. (When you think about it, they are under the influence of their own flawed brain chemistry). 12 Step groups are available in most every community. Al-Anon groups often don't want to admit people who are not struggling specifically with alcohol abuse in the family--but Co-dependents Anonymous might be a possibility. And your NAMI group might have a support group geared to the needs of family members of "noncompliant" (eg: untreated) people with Bipolar Disorder.

I so agree with what Vicki said. The stigma against mental illness is great, and it's important to be descrete about what gets shared with whom. The task isn't to claim any kind of special status in the world--it's to get balanced and realistic about what is needed in order to get on with the business of living. Mammajude, I hope you'll go out to dinner with those friends, whether or not your husband chooses to go with you. Sounds like you deserve a break!