As many of you know, I've had my history of chronic low-grade depression (dysthemia), chronic fatigue and fairly severe anxiety. I don't talk much about the anxiety, but it's made my life rather miserable - and extremely lonely - for the past few years, keeping me pretty much a prisoner in my own home. My world has become very small - I've lost most of my friends - and I've been finding life to be very empty and, well, useless despite ongoing attempts to shine light in whatever small ways I AM able to.

After a year of trying to drum up the nerve to find help for this anxiety (the irony doesn't escape me...the reason I couldn't find help is that I was too anxious to ask for it), I finally emailed a local clinic to register for their Anxiety Treatment group.

Ever since my breakdown in 2002 I've had trouble using the phone to call people (and this from someone who used to practically live on the phone both at home and at work!) I still break out in a sweat just calling my own brother, or my husband when he's working! So I've tried to pick up the phone many times to call this clinic, but was never able to complete the call. Finally last night I noticed they had added a new email address to their website, so I wrote to them asking for information.

Now I'm terrified that they won't answer back. Now that I've made that first contact, I realize how much I need and want the help. I'm tired of being so scared of everyone and everything. If my husband doesn't go with me, I rarely go anywhere. Since joining this forum, I've managed to walk the ten minutes to the mall and enjoy doing some shopping there...but it's still a very mentally draining experience, often leaving me depleted for days afterward. Even being a shopaholic doesn't entice me beyond my front door most days. It's been miserably lonely and frustrating.

So hopefully this is a good first step in the right direction!