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#70855 - 08/17/04 04:50 AM
Re: Step Grandparenting
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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quote: Originally posted by chatty lady: Sugaree, sometimes the posts offered here asking for advice comes with the harsh realization that we women take this stuff seriously and when one of our own (you) is suffering we give the best advice we know......
Chatty, and everyone else that gave such blatant and brutal truths, I'm back. I've ignored the advice of the wise against my own better judgment and suffering for it.
I didn't want to come back with more because I didnt take the wise advice. I let her continue to stay here and now I guess I'll have to SUFFER the consequences until I have had enough (guess I'd better go downstairs and put them out now cause I have).
Someone, I think it was Chatty, said that next my 'guest' will be asking if I can sit for her children, after she'd asked to use my car. Well, that educated guess came to life very shortly afterwards. I was able to give a firm NO to that. Why put a child through such emotional stress? More than likely I would have been very short and non-responsive. Not to say that I would have abused her, but I know personally that children can feel vibes.
"Emotional Update" In short, I feel this way about letting this woman stay with me because someone took me in when my own mother was abusive. (it dawned on me as I wrote this post that i was a child at the time) Anyhow, the lady took me into her home and opened it so that I was made to feel comfortable. (that same beholding feeling is the cause for me marrying her abusive son).
Now, what I feel is that someone extended a hand to me and this should be my way of giving back. I was sixteen, she is 25 with two children, yeah, I know. Whew! I guess I'm back at the start line here. Every since then, I've always made it my business to do whatever to keep a roof over my head. I guess she needs to learn this lesson too. I think Smile said that giving to certain people will only hurt them.
Why do I have to learn the hard way?
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#70856 - 08/17/04 07:48 AM
Re: Step Grandparenting
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Member
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 223
Loc: Winters, California
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Sugaree, Most of us learned the hard way. How do you think we became so wise...! Pain is a powerful teacher. I don't envy you your situation. You have received some excellent advice. Now you just need to implement it. (Isn't it easy for me to tell you that!) I have had to use tough love with my younger brother in the past and tell him that helping him wasn't helping him. Made my family's life much easier and made him grow up. Love to you, dear Shugee, Lala
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#70859 - 08/17/04 08:57 PM
Re: Step Grandparenting
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Member
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
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Dear Sugaree: One of the things my husband and I have made clear to our three sons is: If you get a girl pregnant you better be ready take full responsibility !!! Thou it is sometimes "easier said than done" your son & this girl need to step up to the plate instead of being a burden to you. It is up to you whether they ABUSE YOU or not! Where I grew up they say (and I'm translating here...) " some mistake kindness for foolishness". Some see the great & kind heart you have and TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. You might do a greater good to them both by helping them take responsibility for their actions. In the long run, your son and maybe both, might even thank you for it! I pray that this helps in some way!!! You can always help them out without having to be responsible for them. When we have more than one kid... what we put up with one, we will have to put up with the next one too By setting an example now with this one, you will ensure that the next time around they will think twice! Hope this helps. Hugs! [ August 17, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Songbird ]
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