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#6865 - 10/10/05 05:29 PM
Re: Really, is looking at porn a form of infidelity?
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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Kate, I believe in setting boundaries in relationships. There was once a topic in our family on which Mom and I totally disagreed. One day I got up my nerve and told her that we obviously disagreed, and the issue was getting in the way of our relationship. I asked if we could please not talk about it any more because when we did, we got nowhere except upset with one another. It felt awkward because I knew she needed to talk about it, but we dropped it. I felt selfish, but it worked. We had other, more pleasant things to talk about that didn't divide us.
I'm sure it will be hard for you to set boundaries at this point, but it might be worth a try. Also, you are wise to tell her to get a life. She needs to have soemthing else to focus on.
The porn issue repulses me. Sorry. This may sound odd, but you gave them the computer right? can you say you need it back? Nevermind, I think that's probably notht e thing to do.
I just offered up prayers for you and your parent's relationship. I am sorry you have to deal with this day in and day out.
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#6866 - 10/11/05 07:11 AM
Re: Really, is looking at porn a form of infidelity?
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Member
Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 8
Loc: maryland
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I have to say I am not sure I see the difference between women addicted to bodice tearing romance novels and men wanting to look at naked women. I guess since I don't have porn in my house (to my knowledge)that maybe I just haven't walked in those shoes. I can relate to the frustration of not having sex with the idea that a husband would then cruise porn sites.
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#6872 - 10/11/05 01:45 AM
Re: Really, is looking at porn a form of infidelity?
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Member
Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
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OK here's my 2 cents. I view myself as an authority on the subject since I am currently dealing with a divorce with porn at the center core.
My husband was intro'd to porn when he was approx. 13. He found playboy under the seat of his dad's car. They say that viewing porn between the years of 13 and 17 does something to the brain of a young man.
Now after 24 years of marriage the porn--which I had no idea he was doing--had taken control. No longer was viewing women satisfying enough--he had turned to viewing men and children! That is another trap of porn--once you are hooked you have to have more and worse versions to maintain the same effects.
He sacrificed our marriage and our family for porn. Now he sits in a federal jail somewhere waiting for a trial. I am sitting waiting for a court date for divorce. I am without funds, health insurance and retirement savings because of the addiction of porn.
No man-or woman- should EVER consider porn to be a trivial thing it WILL destroy everything it can if given the room to do so.
By the way, for the gal who isn't sure if it's cheating or not. 2 verses from the bible. One states that even if you have THOUGHT about sex with someone else it's cheating. Once the mind is involved the deed is done! Can't find the reference on that one right now.
#2 1 Corinthians 5:6 I am writing to you that you must not associate....is sexually immoral...with such a man do not even eat.
1 Corinthians 5:9 I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people.....
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality.
There's many more -- these were all on the same page so I jotted them down for you. I wish I could find the one on the thoughts--it's in there, but I can't remember where. Anyway, the bible is clear--it's wrong and very dangerous and destructive.
Knowing what I know now--I would be running to a counselor just as fast as I could and I wouldn't leave till it's all out on the table. Then if there's even one slip-up I'd be leaving.
There's no point is staying with someone who doesn't want you, and fanticizes about a life with someone else--even if they are on paper or a screen. Do we really want ot sell ourselves so short? When you've lost your love, dignity and self-worth, what's left? You no longer like yourself--and no amount of $$ can buy it back.
Sorry I'll get off my soapbox now.....
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