Mer,
dont kid yourself about why a 20something would be interested in a 50's guy....its called money and experience.

Thank you all for writing, and caring. Oh, believe me, I know she was only interested in his money. But you know "there's no fool, like an old fool." I'm sure he truly believed her bull. She claimed that she was not having sex with her husband, and that he sometimes "rapes" her. Yeah right...I can only imagine the BS that he told her about us! I can only hope that he realizes now how he was used, I know he doesn't want to think about it and feel stupid and suckered. I just have to see what the future brings. Thank you all, again. Mer

I too have been living with the realization that my husband is having an affair. He keeps denying it and tells me it is my imagination or my menopause. We have been married 34 years. There has been years of mental,emotional and lately physical abuse. I believe it is going on 4 years. The pain at times seems unbearable. The feeling of being rejected and not understanding why goes on forever. I've have been to counselors. We both have been to a marriage counselor. I have good support from sisters and friends. I have 2 adult children.
I have been to an attorney and the papers are ready to be delivered to him. I can't seem to do it, yet want to, know i need to and here I am, still here. My brain tells me there is no reason on the earth to be still here with this person. I am better than this and all of that. I can't seem to move off the spot. Maybe it;s denial. Maybe it's because I don't have evidence of the affair.I don't know what it is. I still love him. The whole thing is so strange and so unlike me. Any help would be appreciated.

Donkeys2, My ex did not ever admit to his affair. I was beside myself because I truly wanted to believe him, but IT was just there between us. We went to counseling and he just lied to her also. One time I happened to visit her alone and she suggested I hire a private investigator. I didn't, but I did put a voice-activated tape recorder in a flower basket (much less expensive) in my kitchen and the very first day I had the proof I needed to move on with my life. Maybe you need to get that proof - it's easy to get.

I wish you the best and hope you will be able to get out of limbo. It's a terrible feeling.

Daisygirl

Donkeys2, you're in a rut. That is really just a grave with both ends kicked out. You will never have any personal power or self-worth as long as you allow this to continue. I know it hurts. I've been there and I found the best thing to do is tell them to get out of the house.

The suggestion of a private investigator was also advised. I would be interested in the voice activated tape recorder. If there is a web site you are aware of, it would be appreciated. I too want to believe him. It just is impossible with everything that he has said as well as all the different behaviors.
He won't leave when I tell him to and I keep staying. It is a rut.
Thanks for your input. I am so grateful to have a place to just ask questions and state feeings to others who have gone through the same thing. I know it has to be my decision and when I'm ready. There are days when I feel it is the right decision to stay regardless of his behaviors and other days when I'm on ready to proceed with the divorce. I don't know how to get out of this rut.

I have a T-shirt that reads:

When all else fails, manipulate the data...

Whatever works to set you free...

Donkey,
You seem pretty sure your husband is having an affair. If you need the tape to prove it in court or to prove that he is physically and emotionally abusing you, those voice activated tape recorders can be purchased at Radio Shack or about any retail electronics store. They're not even terribly expensive. I bought one a while back, not even realizing it had that feature until my daughter pointed it out.

If you simply cannot file the divorce and don't understand why, perhaps you should spend some time alone in prayer. Sometimes a long talk with God, or however you define your higher power, is the only way to settle your mind and know the right direction.

I will be praying for you.

smile

You'll know when the time is right for you. It's your decision so let God lead the way. We'll be behind you regardless.


In order for an object to be guided, it must be moving.

Thank you for your kind support. I am scared. I also feel responsible to keep the family together. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. I appreciate having a group I can go to and say whatever it is that I am feeling and know that I wil be supported. Even though I have friends and family ,having individuals who have similiar experiences is very helpful. I will make my way.