As we begin to finalize the college selection process, I find myself beginning to imagine life once my first born leaves home for college. In a sense I am mourning in advance. Sort of trying to get used to the idea ahead of time. It seems that's a strategy I've employed before...sort of denial in reverse. Pretend its already happened then when it does you've already scabbed over a little. I can't believe that the time has passed so quickly, as cliche and trivial as that sounds. But honestly, I can remember walking around the block time after time trying to get labor to begin...I was so anxious to meet my first born. I know some of you are in the same boat....how are you feeling?

While I am not pretending it already happened, I am thinking and talking about what life is going to be like in our home next year. Many times I find myself talking about it with my husband and 2 younger children. I guess I am trying to prepare us for the changes.

I have heard that you can never be prepared for this so I am thinking lots and actually need to add my friends and myself to my prayer list so we can get through this as easily as possible.

You mentioned waiting to go into labor. Our first is adopted and I recall going to the movies the night of his arrival. I couldn't even tell you what movie we saw. We were just killing time before we went to the airport. Then I remember my rumbling stomach on the ride to the airport and the nervous chit-chat at the airport. Then the plane was late! Seems like yesterday!

Having been through this twice, I emphathize. Our oldest moved from Arizona to Texas to go to college, and never moved back. The youngest simply went 15 miles away to ASU, and still lives in AZ (although will be relocating to DC in a couple of months.) In all honesty, when the "baby" went off to school, it was much harder for me than when the first one left. That is when you truly have an empty nest. It takes adjustment, no question about it, but the upside is that soon you realize that you have so much more time for yourself and your dreams and ambitions. AND, they never really go away! Case in point...as I write this, I am sitting in Texas, helping my daughter after recent ankle surgery. She is 28. They always need their moms!

Relocating to DC?! I don't know if she knows anybody here or not, but if you want to send me her e-mail address (privately of course) my friends and I will be more than happy to show her around. It is always fun to meet new people and it's always nice to make a contact somewhere before you get there.

WizardofZA, I've heard from others too that it is harder when the youngest leaves the nest.

My oldest son is leaving in the fall and that will be only a teeny bit of preparation for me because three years later my two youngest will go away at the same time! They are only ten months apart and have always been in the same grade.

An update....we put my oldest on a train this morning for an 11 hour ride to a college visit.
I was kind of wigged out....he caught me putting gloves (it's snowing in NC) and kleenex in his coat pocket. I wrote out all kinds of train and emergency info for him. He says "Mom, RELAX"...Weird....I had a dream about my dad last night. In the dream he said, "same old, same old"
and "everything will be fine". I haven't dreamed about dad in such a long time. Seems he came to me from heaven, just when I needed reassurance.

Lots to think about in the one little post:

Kids leaving home for college
Kids traveling alone
Always doing the "Mom thing"
Dreaming about a parent who has gone to a better place and wants to stay in touch.

I especially like the advice from your Dad. How blessed to continue to receive encouraging messages from him! Some women don't get that when their dads are alive.

Your son...well, he will be fine. These are good times that help them grow up without us looking over their shoulders! We need to celebrate their independence. That is what we are raising them for.

Seems to me that you have prepared him well. Find peace in THAT!

My husband and son traveled south to look at another school this weekend. Don't you know that he likes the one that is the farthest away and the hardest to get to! Boo hoo!

Kathryn, how did your son's weekend go? Home alive?

Dots, home in one piece but weary....long train rides. He's really torn and stressed about the decision he needs to make. I guess we forget sometimes that this is one of the first really significant decisions of their lives. Alot rides on it and I think they are beginning to understand that.

Seeing you write about that your son is stressed because he's making a really important decision that a lot rides on, made me think back. I was thinking about how it is important, but it isn't the end all and be all. I knew three people who transfered to other schools. Moved away from home and moved back, went further away from home, etc. I also know people who defered for a year (this friend actually is probably the most put together out of everyone in my group of friends.) Also, where you go to school and what you study does not determine what you will do for the rest of your life. My husband was a history major and he's a Web master and database manager. A friend of mine was a Spanish major and he teaches. Other friends have decided to go to get masters and law degrees to do what they truly want to do.

What I'm trying to say is, don't stress yourself out or your kids out about this. Make sure they feel comfortable at the school and that the school has a wide variety of things to study and to do. When I think back on it, it's kind of crazy to make someone who has never lived on their own before or made a decision without a home safety net decide what path they want to take for the rest of their lives. I know that everyone looks through those college books and brochures to see the number of students who attend that are in the top ten percent of their graduating class in high school, how many go on to Ivy league grad schools, and all the other competive crap they try to sell you on those tours people go on. The truth is, college is a lot like life--you decide how challenged you want to be, you decide what interests you. It wouldn't matter if your kid went to a community college or Princenton, if they want to be enriched, it's up to them. No one pushes you at college, but yourself. Try to remember not to stress to much about the choice. It sounds like your son has all he needs to succeed wherever he goes.