How can I help? My step-father is still hospitalized and the doctor does not believe he will be able to come home. My step-father knows he dying and I just feel so helpless. I try to help my mother, and she doesn't want the help. Yet, then she does not know how to handle the finances or anything else. She won't leave his side except to go home and refresh. I don't know what to say to him either.

My step-sister says she is ready to let go.

I'm just so mixed up.

I was attacked in my own neighborhood and my home vandalized last week. The police are not cooperative nor the gov't agencies involved. I feel I'm being revictimized and this takes away from my ability to focus on my step-father. I don't want another's greed or ignorance to interfere with my family. I've had enough of that nonsense.

How can I help him? He's administered morphine and lucid. The Morphine helps him relax. His heart is enlarged and after one thing is fixed, another function disables.

My sister is coming up from Georgia and says I'm of no help (well she's why my mother emptied her retirement account - to help financially support my sisters 4 children by 4 different men).

I want to set aside all past differences and help, which believe it or not, is very difficult with my family. How can I do this. Do any of ya'll have any suggestions?

I will stop by my parents house and help with the laundry and some chores.

My parents have been given gifts by coworkers and friends, and my mother gives them away to the nurses! The nurses leave dirty linens, feces, dishes, etc. in his room overnight! My heavens, I'm livid! The care (at a top notch heart hospital) and gov't delay make such a heart wrenching time even more difficult to enjoy what little time we have with him.

Please don't tell me to go and complain to someone, I think we all have had to deal with similar aspects. I don't have the energy.

I'm not prepared for this. None of us are.

Please take care of yourselves and families.

Here's an excellent book you might want to read:

http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Unders...8908&sr=8-1

I highly recommend it and anyone I've recommended it to has loved it.

I think going to your mom's home and doing odd chores is agreat way for you to help. Do some of the behind the scenes things that others may appreciate.

I love to feed people so I might suggest getting soem comfort food for them at the hospital or home.

You were attacked AND your home was vandalized? Did it happen at the same time? How awful. What can we do to help you?

If my mother were ever in the hospital and I found dirty soiled linen anywhere near her room, I would scoop it up and throw it onto the nurses station desk. I kid you not!!! That is ridiculous especially in a hospital. OMG!!!

Also all you can do is worry about taking care of your mother. If your sister is hard to deal with, just try your best to ignore her. It takes TWO people to argue. You must have heard the old saying: Like beating a dead horse. No matter what you do if she doesn't want to move towards a better relationship, nothing is going to force it.

I hope you are okay. Do you k now who attacked you or vandalized your home. If I were you I would get one of those alarm systems, it cost money, but gives peace of mind and safety. If I can help in any way just PM me, okay?

Mustang, I am so sorry for the overwhelming amount of heart ache you are dealing with. What can we do from afar is to send prayers of peace and harmony. I am so sorry for the deluge upon you, and I hope that the universe offers you clarity and warmth. That's all I know to say and pray. L, Pl

Mustang, all I can offer you is my love and my heart. Please find peace in you life.

Mustang, in the same way that I do for Anno, I continue to pray for your ability "to do". Take each day at a time.

I agree with chatty. Just stay out of your sister’s way. Some people just don’t get it, not even a peace treaty. And the best attitude is to think, it’s their problem, not mine. Build an invisible friendly wall around you, to protect yourself.

If complaining to the staff doesn’t help, then yes, I would bring my own pail and detergents, rubber gloves, and tackle that room till it sparkled. You are completing three missions that way. You are doing something good for your step father, you have the feeling you are doing something, and the room gets cleaned. And I would bring in some fresh flowers for your step father, and chocolates for your mother.

Act like a breeze of fresh air. Just do your thing, not expecting a thank you or a smile; but you have spread light and warmth in a dismal atmosphere.

Do you have someone to have at your back whilst you do the things you want to for your loved one.Sometimes a family member becomes the scapegoat for the others.They offload their own inadequedcy on a member.Its cruel and wrong but its a bullying tactic and you being alone leaves you open.At a time of stress people tent to revert to type..
What is in your heart ? is it healing past wounds..A good pastor maybe at the hospital may be able to create a peaceful place for you all.By praying...or a strong friend who sets bounderies in a matter of fact way.
The most important person/s are the ill and nearest person.And the situation for you that you can live with in the future.
Carry in your heart that the people here care and want you to have peace and care.

Doing for others should be just that, and not something done for praise or even thanks in most cases. I just do what I do for another person and hope it makes them a little more comfortable or happy but NEVER expect a thank you, that way I don't leave myself open to disappointment. Its just the way life is sometimes Mustang. Might I suggest you try to put yourself in your stepfathers shoes a moment, if you are bewildered by his illiness, think how he must feel. Do whatever you can to brighten his days, love him openly, bring him his favorite foods, read to him (to hell with the rest of the family for now) this is HIS time, HE needs your love and laughter, especially the laughter. You'll do the right thing, I'd bet money on it. HUGS!!!