This is the first time I have ever done anything like this. In my family, I'm the one every one goes to for help. I just am having a very hard time right now. I recently ended a relationship with my daugter's father. While I was able to realize that I was in a toxic, one sided relationship, I'm still having such a hard time accepting that things are over. I don't understand how my percieved self worth got entagled with this man. I think that I pretty much have my life under control. I have the job I always dreamed of, I'm a self-sufficient woman. So, at what point did I give my power over to a another individual? If any of my girlfriends were going through this , I would be all over it! I can hear myself dispensing advice at record speeds! During the day I feel pretty strong, I know from reading the message boards that I was most likely dealing with a narcissist. So, why are the nights so hard. Why are things so difficult to accept that ending things was the healthy thing to do?

Welcome, chellabella! Love that name, sounds so pretty and Italian!!
I think the nights are hard because things just look different at night (in our minds, that is). The light of day is when we see things clearly and if you're doing ok then, I think you're going to be all right. There are lots of women here who will be able to help you through this, since some of them can relate. Enjoy it here and watch how welcomed you will be!

[ January 25, 2006, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

Thank you so much for your reply. It is so nice to feel like a part of something. I was raised by my grandfather, and while he did an amazing jog, I have always yearned for womanly advice. Thank- you from the bottom of my heart Bluebird.

Welcome dear Chellabella, what a ovely name. To try to shed some light on your question. During the day our minds are busy with other things, work, kids, household stuff, shopping, cooking etc. BUT at night when all quiets down and the lights dim, our minds empty of all the daily clutter and our hearts take control of our thoughts. It is then we are the most vulnerable. No matter how healthy a decision you feel you've made it is like a experiencing a death and you are in mourning for what once was, what could have been. All I can say is that time does heal us but it takes more time for some than others....

"...our hearts take control of our thoughts."
Perfectly said.

Welcome Chellabella! I have recently been going through the same thing--you are not alone. I am on the back side of it now so I will share how-I got-through-techniques--perhaps one or more will work for you too.

1. They say that death and divorce are the highest stress makers--so realize that even on a day when you are feeling Ok, you are still working under stress. (even if it's just a break-up)

2. I had a plan before I left work every night of things I would do--I made a list. What I would eat, clean out a drawer, take a bath--whatever works for you. This kept me busy so I wouldn't just start drifting and thinking.

3. I kept my bible by the nightstand and if I woke up upset, I could reach for what would comfort me. I also had a CD of relaxing music with scriptures being read about peace that I would start and play. (by Lynette Hagee or Hagin-not sure) There were nights I would start that CD 3-4 times! But once the music would start I would go right back to sleep.

You're dealing with high stress so eat right, exercise, add vitamins if you can afford it. Buy some bath beads, get a massage or manicure. Journaling helps tremendously to get the emotions that are churning inside out--which will help you sleep.

Understand that life involves seasons, you are exiting one season and beginning a new one--armed with new information about yourself. You've learned new things about life and about your own vulnerabilities. Take the time to heal before beginning any new relationships--otherwise you run the risk of going through the same thing again with a differnet person.

Rejoice in your freedom! You will be just fine!

Welcome Chellabella.....I agree with the girls here - that name is really beautiful and it does sound Italian.....

You will love this spot - it's a warm, nurturing atmosphere to ask for help in any way. There are a LOT of us here so hopefully whatever you need, someone (or lots of someones!) can be there for you. I remember when my first husband and I split up that the nights were most difficult...but soon I discovered the joys of hogging all the covers and stretching out on the entire bed and the bad dreams and doubts vanished. Just hang in there....as they say "this too shall pass".

Glad you are here!

Chellabella, Are you Italian? Welome from the Ladybug who is 100% Sicilian.

I am not Italian. I am a 100% Spanishbird!!!! I did waitress my way through collage at a small down home Italian restraunt. The owner gave me the nickname. What a wonderful experience!!!! It did how ever completely ruin me for life concerning Italian food!!! The Olive Garden just does not cut it for me!!!!

Check out the Favorite Recipes on this site and be amazed at the delicious food, coming straight from the Chefs mouth, also Italian!