It's been almost 2weeks since I had to have my husband involuntarily committed. He still doesn't think he is ill & blames me solely for putting & keeping him there. Although I was approached by law enforcement & given the choice of jail or hospital. (It was justified.)

We are new to this. He has never been diagnosed with mental illness before. That's not to say he didn't exhibit signs & symptoms in the past. I love him very much & I want to stay by his side. At first he was justifiably angry, sad & confused. It was our anniversary 2 days following his placement & this did not help. His anger towards me got better but his delusions of grandeur remained the same. He was still intent that he was going to save the world.

Today I, then we, had a meeting with his social worker & nurse practitioner. He thinks I prevented him form being able to leave in two days. So now he again wants a divorce & doesn't want to see me. To top it off, I have to testify on Thursday as to his behavior leading to his commitment. And, he will be present. I worry this will be the nail in our coffin. When he is released, how will he ever forgive me? I know I have to do this for his safety & well being but..... I feel so guilty. He is my soul mate & I love him so much. I find myself questioning if he should be there or if he really does has an illness.(although family, friends & professionals agree he does)

We live 1600 miles away from our families & friends. I have made some great new friends where we live & they along with our families have been very supportive. But I still feel alone. But, I don't want to be around anyone either. I prefer to be alone, at home with the dogs. I am lost. I have been reading & researching bipolar (dx they are leaning towards.) & I'm going to my 1st support group tomorrow. But in all I've read, I have yet to find a source to help families deal with the newly diagnosed. Must less, a source for new families of a pt. that doesn't believe they are ill.

I guess I'm looking for someone who is, has, or had this experience. I'm sure all can remember when their unwilling family member was first diagnosed. I guess not many have written about it. I just need to hear something, anything. I am dreading court. I don't want to loose alienate my husband. My heart is breaking.

[ June 07, 2006, 04:16 AM: Message edited by: swimette ]

Swimette, I am so sorry for your pain as well as your husband's pain. Even though I have never had to face this personally I am a professional counselor and have walked others through this process. You have suffered a great loss and you can expect to go through the stages of grief, which are evidenced in your letter. Shock, denial, extreme hurt, sadness, anger are the feelings that will cycle. You may feel all of these in one day and then you may feel one of them all day. There will be no set pattern. Be prepared for these feelings....they are normal. Guilt is also a normal feeling for having to do what you did. But it sounds as though you only did what you had to do. Stay strong! Your husband may or may not divorce you but his behavior, also, is "normal" for someone with a mental illness. He is having to adjust to this and he, also, is suffering a loss. Please hang in there and know that you are in my prayers.
God Bless,
Rose

Swimette, I cannot offer any advice. I can however offer to support and listen. I am going to start praying for both you and your husband today. Please stay here with us and we will see you along your way.
Luv
chick

[ June 07, 2006, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]

I have a son (28)that is bipolar. He has had 2 manic episodes in the past 3 years. Last December, he refussed to go for help and in the midst of his mania (walked home from a bar - 20 miles approx. - in 15 degree weather- in his shirtsleeves) we had to have the police pick him up and take him to the county mental hospital. He has no insurance - and that is unfortuantely what we have to deal with.

We was very angry with all of us for quite a long time. As he began to regain his health, he realized that we had no other option.

It's a long story, he's been in a depression since February - he stopped taking medication shortly after he was released from the hospital. We just moved him back in with us - he is financially a mess now, too. He's drying out (he chose to medicate with alcohol which isn't unusual) and feeling better (one week sober as of yesterday.) The next step will be to get him to see that he HAS to get professional help - or we'll be facing another episode (manic/depressive) again.

I feel for you, swimette, and unfortunately I don't have any answers either. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life.

My uncle had to commit my aunt many years ago and she had to go through horrible electric shock treatments. When she was released, she was well and understood why he had to commit her and I'm hoping this will happen with your husband. Maybe once he gets on a regulated form of meds, he'll be able to see the picture more clearly. I'm terribly sorry you're going through this.

Thank you all for your encouragement. It really does help. I just got home from my first NAMI meeting which was also helpful. Although everyone I’ve come in contact with has been very supportive & caring, there aren’t many who are dealing with their spouses’ new found mental illness.

I am so dreading tomorrow. I wish my husband didn’t have to be there when I testify. I know this is going to hurt him so much. I am trying to pull myself together & focus on the fact that I have got to do this for his betterment. I love him way to much to not do this. I just hope that at some point he will see that.

Rose, Chickadee & Dianne, thank you for your prayers. I believe I have found some caring people here in the "www". I am glad to hear that you aunt was accepting of your uncle. That gives my a ray of hope.

Browser57, I so understand your feelings of helplessness. Our hansds are tied whie our hearts ache. My husband, Honey , also deals with addition. He even talks about how & where he will get some when he gets out. (I found & threw his stash away.) I fear that once Honey gets out that he will stop taking his meds. Then we will be at square one again. Well, I'll add you & yours to my prayers.

Swimette, I have found a few websites that have biplor forums. A good one is MSN Health & Fitness, there is a mental health page with a forum for bipolar. Even Dr. Phil has a message board for bipolor. It's a real learning curve - but I find it amazing how many people are dealing with it.

Court was difficult but I made it through. Honey looked good. Although he still doesn’t want me to come see him, he did give me a hug & kiss bye. That has brightened my whole day. The judge declared that he isn’t a danger to himself or others but did declare him “seriously & permanently disabled/mentally ill.” He is court ordered to have inpatient or outpatient mental health & Rx treatment for 1 year. How long he will be kept inpatient is up to Honey & the doctors. I think he’ll be home in about a week or so.

I know our journey has just begun but I’m glad this part is over. Thank you for your prayers, they’ve really helped. I keep singing that old hymn, “And He walks with me & He talks with me….. “ I know God & his angles are about us.

Swimette isn't it difficult to have a person committed? I mean legally. Doesn't someone has to be a danger to themselves and others? I am totally unfamiliar with this so have no real advice. My new grandaughter-in-law is bi-polar and when off her meds she is combative to my grandson and hits him and screams thatbnhe should hit her so she can nhave him marrested. She has really scratched and slapped him silly before he can leave the house. He could not or would never hit her. I feel so sorry for anyone not able to control themselves. I will say to you that althought your husband can't understand it now you are being brave, you are helping him, you are his guardian angel. I hope and will pray that all goes well for you both. Please don't cut yourself off from those who love you, you need your friends now more than ever..

swim, one day at a time. Have you visited www.bipolarhappens.com? You might want to visit that site. I believe the gal who hosts it ahs written a book for caregivers to better understand the disease. Hope this helps.