I haven't visited the Forum is quite a long time. School last semester was nothing short of grueling (took 21 credit hours). I cut down this semester -- only taking 20 credit hours (LOL). At any rate -- there have been MAJOR changes in my life in the past month.
About 10-11 years ago, shortly after my daugher Lisa married, we decided to "share" a household and split the bills -- benefiting all of us financially. This arrangement worked beautifully - especially since Lisa was a stay-at-home mom. I would come home from work to a clean house and dinner ready -- not a bad deal! I had my own room and space and we learned to function together. I had no problem in relinquishing "control". I toyed with the idea of getting my own place from time to time. Then 3 years ago Lisa and Victor separated -- leaving Lisa with 3 kids, one a baby. A couple of years ago, after a big layoff, I decided to go back to school and pursue a degree. Lisa was getting stronger and I knew she was approaching the time when she could make it on her own. Of course, now with going to school full time and living off of grants, loans and part-time work, my own financial situation is VERY tight - and I actually needed her more than she needed me. I would make sure my schedule allowed me to be home when the kids got out of school and often would keep the kids so she could work at night.
This past December, the apartment management pulled a really dirty deal on me, and in my fury, I decided that it was time to get out on my own, even if it meant living at my sister's. Lisa could move closer to Victor and they could really work at co-parenting the kids. I wrote the apt mgmt a 2 page notice to move letter, citing the laws they had broken and my multiple reasons for vacating. Lisa found an apartment in one of the surburbs with a great school district and was moving Jan 15th. Three days before she was to move, I listened to a voice mail from the new apt manager of the complex, requesting that I call her. I thought - she is going to try to confince me to stay here -- but I can't afford the rent. I told the Lord, "If she will let me stay in a 2-bedroom for $400 a month - I will know it is a miracle and that it is from You." I called and she fell all over me apologizing for what the former managers had done and asked what it would take to stay here. I told her - let me stay in this apartment for $400. It turned out that although I was not able to stay in the exact same apartment, she DID rent me a slightly smaller 2-bedroom for $450 a month and only $199 to move in! WOW! I was so excited - I could keep my own furniture, would not have to move far from my school.
The night that Lisa finished moving all her stuff, she and the kids were gathering up the last things - including the cats - so much noice and fussing. Then the door shut behind them and she locked the door. Suddenly it hit me -- they were gone! I was ALONE! I wept like a baby and finally cried myself to sleep! Why on why did I allow my anger to get away with me and make such a RASH decision?!? How was I going to manage by myself? I had never in my entire life lived alone!
The next day Lisa stopped by and my 8-year old grandaughter decided to spend the day and night with me. From that moment on, living alone took on a new focus. Two weeks later when I moved into my NEW apartment (upstairs - which gives me a greater sense of security), my joy was complete. I absolutely ADORE living by myself. For the first time -- I get to just be Mimi and enjoy the grandmotherly fun of having them over. And the kids are so much more centered now that their Daddy is so much more involved in their lives.
God has such a wonderful sense of timing -- and when we wait until He is ready -- the results are awesome. It is time to push myself out the door and open myself to new social experiences. I can no longer be the hermit and hide behind needing to be home for the kids. This new chapter of my life is very satisfying and more exciting that I ever imagined.

Gwinnetta