Someone sent this to me in an email and it made me chuckle so I thought I would share.

Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods: They must consumers are are pretty dumb.

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(really?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of
the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot
after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes
on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car
or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of construction incidents if we just kept those 5
year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For
indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts. (have a lobotomy)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals.
(Huh! What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

You realize of course that somewhere.....at some time ... someeeeeeebody must have tried these.

They are hilarious!

Talk about "dumbing down" the public. What are we, from mars?

Cookie, amazing,
Do you know these?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

LOL! Those were great Hannelore, LOL!

Leave it to Hannelore to find yet more hysterical sayings to add to the ones Cookie listed....You two are amazing.

Hey, I didn't want to cover up anybody, so I hope you laughologist don't mind me putting this little note in here....no?

I have posted a new article on my homepage for all to read, laugh, and hopefully, pass on to your friends to read, laugh, and hopefully, pass on thei----okay, okay...teehee.

http://www.queenjawjaw.com/lunchhourspecials.html

Loved you story JJ. Gosh you're a gifted writer. I smiled the whole way through.

She is, isn't she? That sounds just like when we were kids at the drive in. My mom would make homemade popcorn balls - couldn't afford the snacks at the drive in. Memories...

Memories...oh what fond memories your article conjured up. It was like being there all over again...