I just read a letter to the editor in the latest issue of GRAND magazine that really spoke to me. Actually it made me think of the situation Chatty was in a few weeks ago with her great granddaughter... I think unfit parenting goes on more than we want to admit.

And of course the attendant challenge is what are we going to do about it? Stand by and let an innocent child be harmed, or totally disrupt our own lives in order to step in and help?

Here's the URL: What's The Price of Protecting a Grandchild?

By the way, if you aren't getting GRAND delivered to your email box, and your NABBW membership dues are current, let me know and I can fix that for you...

Anne

Anne,
When people see another person in trouble, they run for the hills. They disappear like a David Copperfield assistant. I just
spent 5 plus years trying to help someone I loved. The cost of
rescuing another human being is high. And many don't want to pay the price. To begin with, the in-law title isn't a favorable
thing. IMO, I doubt if many people would jump in and help, even if it was for a child.

Very good question Anne, and a point to ponder.

I tend to think a grandparent can accomplish more within the family. If the grandparent accuses or alienates the parents, then the risk of losing contact completely is greater, and the grandchild may lose the only stable person in his or her life.

Of course everything has its limits, But I would try to work patiently and decisively within the family unit. That’s better than building war fronts, leaving the poor child is in the middle.

We spent many years tip-toeing around my step-daughter-in-law's bullying and inclination to rages, just to have access to our grandchildren. We never said a word, though I did threaten to call the police when bruises started appearing on a little leg (not hitting, just impatience when putting on socks and shoes). We never saw any bruises or signs of physical harm after that. But we did see the effects of the verbal bullying, but couldn't take the risk of saying anything because we knew what would happen. But one day last March, I forgot and dared to talk back to her...the result? We haven't been allowed to see our grandchildren since then. I'm happy in one sense, because she was/is a very toxic person and I'm glad not to have to deal with her anymore. But we're very sad to have lost our grandchildren, and I'm very very sad that our grandchildren have lost our influence and unconditional love. Their mother doesn't allow anyone to see the children, no extended family from either side. Very bizarre, but what can we do? We're trying to be patient and waiting out her grudge...she'll eventually let us back in, when she needs something expensive for the children, like a new bike. Sigh.

Edelweiss,
IMO you're right. Work within the family unit and don't let on
you realize any problems.

Eagle,
Sorry you lost contact with the kids. Many in-law situations are
difficult at best. And a body can deal with just so much toxic
goings on. I had a DIL that kept me from a little one once. That is so hurtful.

Heres an interesting bit of advice, it's a arab proverb...

If you have much, give of your wealth;
If you have little, give of your heart.