My MIL has done it again. She's allowed her loser SonIL and daughter (they're in their 40's) move back in with her. They were living in a tent in a state park for 2 weeks and we knew it was a matter of time before the went knocking on mom's door again. They use drugs, drink their money away, John works only long enough to get enough money to buy their habit and then he mooches off others. Mom is 76, on a fixed income, already has her younger daughter controlling her life...Robin, 47, has never worked a day in her life, uses drugs as well and has a place in the next town but because she's so good at controling her mom she parks her butt up under her Mother and runs her to death going to unnecessary doctor's appointment, buying her food, cigarettes and receives money she spend on drugs.
Larry's 'normal' siblings have done everything they know how to talk to mom but she is never going to change. There are some things in this world that you just have to accept are going to happen. Larry's mom being a doormat for her two younger daughters and no good SonIL is one of those things.
We visited mom the other day...John was there, sitting on his butt smoking a cigarette acting like King of the Hill. Larry wants to throttle the guy I'm sure.
It's one thing to live at home because you've fallen on hard times...but, for this man to move in on an old lady and mooch off her and sit there and smile about it makes me want to puke.

I suggest an outside person or family member intervene. Where I live there are senior services to assist. A social worker might be a good place to start. She can just come in as a general appointment to assess your MIL's situation so the moochers will be unaware.

This is more common than people think. When your MIL was younger not much could be done, but she is now a senior being taken advantage of. Her health is at risk.

Might be worth a try.

Kate

I've called...they say unless there's physical abuse and mom is willing to speak up, there's nothing they can do. It's hopeless until mom gets tired of them and asks them to leave. Last time it took about 7 months.

that's got to be tough to watch. But as long as she has her wits and can make decisions legally, she's the one that has to say "enough is enough"

It's one of the lowest things ever, to take advantage of a senior person.

I'm just wondering if your MIL is plain lonely. Does she live far from you? If you could get her involved in some activities outside of her home, she might see her situation from another perspective.

I know how frustrating it is to try to convince a senior person that they are the victim of manipulation; whether it is scam mail or moocher relatives; it's hard to watch.

My MIL is very active....running Robin everywhere. She does have a boyfriend and they get together once a week, normally on Saturdays. He used to stay with her from Friday to Saturday evening but now even that's out.

I've tried getting mom involved in activities but she always says, "I can't make a commitment until I know what is going on with Robin." Robin has mom prisioner. Shirley, mom's oldest daughter (she and I are best friends), lives two blocks from mom and has refused to have Robin or Cindy and John in her home because of their habit (don't blame her). But, to answer your question Edelweiss, mom's not lonely...in fact, I think she wishes she were lonely so she could have some peace and quiet.
If Robin knows mom is trying to do something with me and Shirley she tries to push her way in with the activity or makes an excuse as to why mom needs to be doing something for her. Robin is a paranoid scitzophrenic and her rationality isn't like the rest of us...you can't reason with her normally.

Dee, what a sad situation. Just wondering if you think there's a part of your MIL that enjoys having her kids around and dependent on her? Some people thrive on that dependency thing.

That is so sad that they take such terrible advantage of her like that.

Dee,
Sorry to hear about this. I know from experience that senior
services will do nothing. I'm saddened to read that this has
happened. Have added your MIL to the prayer list.

Thanks Jabber, Anne, EW, Dotsie, Madelaine, Katebcca, Hey everyone...yes, it's sad and pretty hopeless at this point. I was talking to my SIL Shirley yesterday and she says she can't talk about it without it making her so mad.
Mom called me this morning and yesterday she was at the hair dressers...she said Cindy got a haircut as well...and mom, of course, paid for Cindy's hair cut because Cindy doesn't have a dime to her name. Mom will continue to go without things for herself in order to take care of Cindy.
Dotsie...there must be a bit of truth to what you're thinking...mom thriving on rescuing these adult kids of her. I'm all for helping anyone who needs it...but, I'm not a supporter of moochers and pure D laziness. Uh huh.