I've been whining a lot lately, haven't I? Sorry.

I've been meaning to post this for over a month but held back for whatever reasons.

After being married to an executive for 10 years, I've decided I'm just not good corporate wife material. Reasons:

1.) I'm not a snob. I don't think just because someone within the company has a lower job, they should be treated differently from those who do.

2.) I don't care if someone is the president of Revlon, Loreal, or Walgreens, I treat them the same as the janitor.

3.) I'd like to believe people are my friends because they like me, not my husband's position. It just doesn't work that way.

4.) I'm not the type of woman who sits there quietly and smiles or nods. I'm vocally active, have fun and enjoy a good conversation. I don't argue with people but listen to them and give my viewpoint in a ladylike way.

5.) I don't care if someone is with a company who is a competitor of my husband's. If I like them, I like them. I can't not like someone because they compete.

I've tried girls. I really have. I just can't take all the BS that goes with this territory. It's phoney, backstabbing, surreal and it isn't in my nature to be that way.

I faced so many disappointments with this last conference we attended. It broke my heart. One woman, who I thought was a good friend, her husband was promoted to this huge position and while we used to do things together, she acted like she was a distant friend. My husband explained that she was setting up her own kingdom and that's just how it works in the corparate world.

[ June 22, 2005, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

I feel for you, Dianne. That sounds just like upper echelon military behavior. Mrs. General outranks Mrs. Colonel. Mrs. General never lets Mrs. Colonel forget it. It's never 100% in any social situation. There will always be at least a few people like you who look at the person, not the position. Think of it this way, without the 'status' of position, a lot of these people have no concept of self. Their position in life defines who they are. Without the position they'd consider themselves (and others) as nobodies. Truly classy people in this world don't use 2 (or 3) sets of manners in interpersonal relationships. Just consider yourself one of the 'Classics' and pity those who have such a low internal sense of self esteem. At the end of the day, you can be sure that people with good self esteem don't differentiate that way. They might believe they have good self esteem - but they've only managed to fool themselves.

My wonderful Grand-mother once said to me after some horrible treatment I received from several snob cheerleaders in a new school....She looked me right in the eye and said there are always those that think themselves better or more important than those around them and act as such BUT remember:

The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy....

Here's another way to look at it-- who would want to have so little sense of self-worth that they had to glom onto their husband's successes in order to feel a shred of self-esteem? Not me. Pride is one thing, this stuff is another. Who needs it? In college one of my professors called it "BIRGing"-- "Basking in the reflected glory" of others.

Kelly

What wonderful advice from all of you.

David has been in the corporate world for years and I'm a newbie and just can't get there, no matter how much he explains things to me. It's snobbery. And Unique, you're so right about people being defined by their jobs/status.

I was never one to ride on my husband's coattails. What he did was his success and hard work. When we first moved to Ohio and he took this big job there, I couldn't understand why people were kissing our behinds. Well, most of them wanted to put their products in the stores, etc. so I started looking at people differently, almost with suspicion, which I don't like to do. But, David told me once, "If you think these people are really your friends, you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain." He was right. I argued with him but in the end, he was absolutely right. When he got the company sold, I never heard from any of those people again and yes, it did hurt.

Another interesting discussion. YOU sound like you've got your head on straight; too bad so many others do not. Corporate world, academic world, military world--full of same kind of human beings with same kind of esteem/snobbery issues. My father was a senior military officer and my mother remembers to this day the best piece of advice she ever got as a newlywed military wife (from the wife of the base commander, no less): she said, just remember, if your husband were a butcher, would you wear a pork chop on your shoulder? Grins.

Loved that Nancy and what a trueism that is...
Dianne would you believe in the middle of the night I woke up thinking of tnhis post and wrote down a few words on then notepad I keep next to the bed for just such a time. Well, it was just what Kelly said above. YOU dear lady have made something of your life, YOU are a success all by yourself, YOU support David with your own special brand of charm and those other shallow women who have done nothing they are proud of have to coat-tail their mans success, how sad for them to feel so insignifiant. I bet if they tried they could find something important they too have done but then maybe not. YOU however have nothing to appologize to anybody for, you are who you are because YOU did it and do it everyday. There are two ways of exerting one's strengh: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. Think about it!!!

Dianne, you are my kind of gal. This is exactly what Jesus means by being in the world, but not of it. You have already learned this lesson. Remember, God looks at the heart.

Live A Lotus Life
The lotus is a symbol of purity. Its roots are in the mud, but the flower remains above dirty water. Live a lotus life. Be in the world, but unaffected by impurities.

Seems to me you've already mastered this. I'm proud of you.

No pork chops on my shoulders! LOL!

When David first took over this company in Ohio, I went in to get my prescription filled and was waiting in a long line with elderly people. The store manager saw me and ran behind the counter and told the Pharmacist to fill my script first. Here are these elderly, ill people and he jumps me to the front of the line. It was awful. I asked him to not do that...don't worry about it...it doesn't bother me. I can't tell you how small I felt. But sadly, it almost becomes a way of life whether you accept it or not. I was treated like royalty and had my big white butt kissed for no other reason than my husband's position.

It did work in my favor when it came to working with battered women. People were interested in hearing the President's Wife of XXX company talk about such a vile topic. "Yes, that's right. I haven't had a perfect life. I was abused. It can happen to anybody." The same theme my publisher used. Whatever works.

This has made me sad. Our society and it's rules have made me sad. It isn't what or who you are, but what you have done or can do for somebody else. Just so sad.

Dear Dianne

I am smiling as I write this because you are so beautiful...too feel the heart is much greater than anything outside of ourselves

To feel sadness for others because they live in a surface consciousness that was taught to them from birth is fine but in actuality whatever bothers you the most is something that can be changed...for the simple reason that you have breached the consciousness from the heart and can thus share that....

Ever thought of writing a book on being a corporate wife....for other corporate wives...something that will uplift their spirits and show them that they have another choice. Most people aren't aware that they have choices...most people are taught to follow the money...

Instead of sadness...have joy and realize that you can share the beauty of you with everyone you encounter....especially if you write a book!

Just an idea! You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, with joy, humour and entertainment...which I can see in your posts...and nobody's ever written any books for the corporate wife! At least I haven't seen any and I'm in the financial papers every day....

With love and laughter...because of the delightfulness within you and the joy just ready to burst forth...Dianne you are a powerhouse! Keep it up girl!

And that goes for all of you delightful ladies....share your joy ladies....lift the world with your delight and beauty! For we are all love.

With love
Leigha