Seems like the extended family is disappearing in mainstream society. I am beginning to appreciate what I once wanted to abandon in order to 'fit in'. I'm also coming to appreciate the importance of my heritage.

My mother's ancestors came to America from Europe, but my Daddy's ancestors have been here for centuries, or maybe forever according to tribal beliefs. They were moved to the area where I grew up on the Trail of Tears in the 1830's. My granny lived in a log fort from the Civil War. It was as if we had always been there. I think that tie to the land and the extended family along with knowing my heritage helped form my self esteem.
I grew up on an isolated Indian land grant where extended families are a part of the culture. Because the land grants were to my granny's whole family, everyone for miles around was related to me. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all in different homes, but all working the land and playing together every day. There were no secrets and little effort to keep any. Everyone was joined in the struggle for survival.
It was wonderful to grow up in the isolation of that area surrounded only by family. As the first girl in a whole line of male cousins I was definitely a princess and until high school, all my schoolmates were my cousins. Every day I spent time with my grandparents who also treated me like a princess. I have nothing but happy memories of my childhood.
Much of the land has been sold off now, but my mother still lives in the same house where I grew up and I am almost the only one who ever left. (I've sort of moved back now only 150 miles away).
When I visit Mom, all my cousins come over. We work on some project and always eat together. It's almost as if we've never been apart.

Another cultural thing was early parenting. I was practically an old maid when I married at 17. I had my kids in my teens and now they are carrying on both cultures. My oldest who was almost out of college when she married now represents the 'white' yuppie culture while my youngest who had my first grandchild when she was 18 represents the 'tribal' hippie culture.

Then there's being a grandma... I was not happy about becoming a young grandmother, but now my grandkids are one of the greatest blessings of my life and I am a part of both my daughter's extended families. We talk every day on the phone and my youngest daughter who lives nearby and I are together several times a week.

Like someone said on another topic, grandparents are such an important part of a child's growing up and extended families can help form self esteem. Extended families seem to be making a comeback at least in theory. I hope that continues to become a reality.

smile

[ March 17, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

When I was born and growing up we lived in an apartment in my granpa's building. All my dads brothers and their families lived there as well as my aunt and her family. Everyone helped one another and we spent countless hours gathered in the back yard. No one left until they were able to afford the American Dream of owning their own home. Little by little everyone moved away, some far away and I haven't seen them for over 30 years. Quite a few have died and their childrens children don't even know of one another. I for one don't think these are changes for the better BUT I've moved around quite a bit myself when in the Newspaper business. My one son and I are estranged but my eldest son, his family and I are very close and I cherish that. Some time the good old days, really were.

Chatty, I wondered what is your ethnic heritage and is the extended family a part of that heritage?

Just curious.
smile

Smile, I think you need to write about your childhood. Have you thought about it? Since your mom is still around she could be lots of help. Sounds like a great mother/daughter. Maybe she could tape her memories for you.

Growing up surrounded by all that love! No wonder you come across as such a loving person!

I'd love to hear more about what your grandparents did to make you feel like a princess. I grew up without grandparents. the last one died when I was three so I have no recollection.

I love how you describe your girls. Kids are all so different, aren't they?

Chatty, where did you grow up?

I was born and grew up in Gary, Indiana until I was 26, moved to Chicago till I was 50 and ended up here in Vegas. I lived in Maryland for 3 years and in Loveland, Colorado for a year.

My mother is 100% Sicilian and my pop is 100% Lithuanian. My fathers family owned the first building we lived in with all his siblings. When we moved from there it was to the 3rd floor of my mothers family's home. My life has actually been saturated by Italian influences peppered with Hispanic. My moms sister married a Hispanic man and they all (his people) joined all our celebrations. I grew up on the best of the Italian, Hispanic food and cultural examples possible. Not very much of a Lithuanian influence once we moved. My grandparents came from Lithuana and were very old. They didn't live very long and the famly drifted apart. I hope that answers your question, Smile.

I'm not sure what you mean Smile by extended heritage and are they a part of my entended family. I hope the above answers that, but if not can you be more specific? Thanks...

There are times I wish I was one of the first generations to come to this country. I've heard stories from my 92 year old aunt who speaks of a time I can hardly relate to. Family was all in one small area, very close, and involved with each other's lives. It sounds good to me. Maybe it's because I love my family so much.

I think it's sad that so many people move so quickly these days. I think it's especially hard when trying to raise young children with no close relatives nearby.

I have a dear friend who lived down the street when my kids were young. She had no family in town. I like to think we adopted them into our family and did what we could to help her when she needed it. It still isn't the same as having family nearby.

Remember, I'm a Pollyanna...