OK, here's my next question. For almost a year now (except for the short time I was seeing the psycho guy mentioned in my previous post), I've been seeing another "long distance" guy (I'll call him "A"). We have visited back and forth since last September.

The attraction/interest I have in "A" has grown over time, but the reason I "went looking elsewhere" and was open to the other possiblity was that nothing has changed or moved forward over the past year.

Of course, when I was seeing psycho guy, I didn't see "A". We still talked occasionally, but that was it.

Now we have "rekindled", something he seemed very happy to do. The visit was different in that he was much more affectionate than before (i.e. putting his arm around me, we went out with his friends, etc.), and generally treated me much more like a "girlfriend."

My question is this. Obviously I am at a point in life where I am ready for "more" in a relationship. I don't think I totally realized (or acknowledged) that until the bad experience with psycho guy.

The reason I got involved with someone other than "A" to begin with was that I didn't see it ever going anywhere. After his recent behavior though, now I'm wondering if he may be at least entertaining the thought that it might be something to think about in the future.

No need to rush anything, I want to be patient and let this grow (if that is in the cards). And, I don't want to bring the subject up, I would rather it just evolve (or have him bring it up).

I'm thinking of giving it until Christmas, to see if any further "movement" happens. Another girlfriend had a fit and wanted me to ask him this week what his intentions are.

That's not going to happen, don't worry, I think that would be totally out of line. But what timeframe would "you" put on this, if you were in my shoes? I think
4 1/2 more months is very reasonable, given past history.

Thoughts?

WW

I wouldn't put any time frame on it. Just let it play itself out. You will know if it's moving in the right direction. If you're having fun, enjoy it for what it is.

Does he know about the other guy and why you were a bit out of the picture the past several months?

Maybe he realized during your little break, that you meant more to him than he realzed.

Agree with Dotsie, no time limit at this time.
Does he live in the same town as you? If not, it will take alot longer to feel comfortable.

I actually am a bit bewildered: why are boomer women who are no longer in childbearing years, in a hurry to know for certain if the guy is of marriageable material?? Whirlwind just remind your good female friend about this. We have to get out of younger 20's & 30's thinking and rethink this. This is a different stage of our life.

Obviously for some women there is a financial incentive (because they are not financially secure) whereas for a woman who is financially secure alone, definitely there is NO deadline to "know"/have a guy to live together or not.

Dotsie, he knows I was up to something, but no details. We didn't have any kind of commitment to each other, so it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong.

Hopefully he "did" realize he missed me, he certainly acted like it, but only time will tell.

I have let it "play itself out" for almost a year now, and will continue to do so until at least Christmas. But if that is all it is ever going to be, and I know I want more than just "having fun" occasionally, I'll have to move on (or at least start seeing other people again, which I am not going to do until I give this another fair chance).

Truthfully I wish my mindset would go back to the way it was, where I didn't care and was happiest being unattached. That was far easier.

And Orchid, I'm not necessarily looking for a husband, or in any hurry at ALL to get married. But a committed relationship would be nice.

WW

You are wiser now and can respond in a new way to your female friend(s) who might think abit differently on love and committment in the our phase of of life.

Do you have any good friendships with any guys around your age at this time? I know you want the other ultimately, but having some guy friends during this time, is good thing too. A committed friendship that is purely platonic becomes valuable over the years also. Keeps one's head in perspective/balanced.

Yes, I do have several very good platonic male friendships (that are long term from over the years). Two are married, the others are single.

And so it goes...

WW

Well, I got a phone call last night. "A" had other stuff going on while seeing me too, and now has some drama cooking because of it. He did tell me he loved me, but I don't know if he meant it or if was just the emotion of the moment and him saying he needed some time to straighten some things out. He was in tears when he hung up and said he'd call me.

I'm just going to cool it. Maybe for a long time. If I hear from him again after he gets stuff straightened out, that would be great, because I do have feelings for him and have for a long time. But I'm going to try not to think about him in the meantime, and just focus on myself.

One good thing did come of all this. "If" he does call me again, he now knows exactly where I stand and what I'm looking for because during the conversation no stone was left unturned. We would either get together to pursue a real, committed relationship (no more playing around), or it is totally over.

I wonder if I'm too old to become a nun?

I've made fun plans with a girlfriend for tomorrow night (dinner and a concert), and I might go sailing with another friend on Sunday. I won't be moping around at home.

And so it goes...

WW

I dunno...I would tend to be suspicious and keep a distance from him forever, especially the reality when he was vengeful to you over Facebook with other people. Sorry to say this..but he's a grown older man by now and should be well beyond that.

It feels like super bad vibes when that happens..vs. a teenager doing that.

It's never easy WW, but sounds like you are on the right track now. Go out, enjoy youself with friends.