Wondering.....how do you refer to, and/or introduce your steps?

His daughter/son?
My stepdaughter/son?
"our" children?

Good question, I can't wait to hear answers. I am coming up on that issue soon!

My brother and his wife have always refered to their kids as, (his,hers,and theirs) "ours", when speaking of them. And they never say this is my stepson/stepdaughter. They say this is my son/daughter. The "steps" call them mom and dad also....their choice.

I refer to them, when speaking to others, as "(DH's) daughter,son, granddaughter". When I introduce them, it's "my step...".

They call me by my first name, but the granddaughter calls me "Nunna"..which I'm sure will catch on to the younger one.

Because their Mom is still alive and well, the "Mom" or "ours" does not sit well w/me. Also because I'm not a Mom of my own either. I think that makes a difference.

Plus, it's part of my effort to let others know that not everyone has their own kids.

Nothing wrong with your solution, Di. I would tend to do what you would do . But because I'm not married AND I wasn't directly involved in raising his children when they were teens, though the children have known me since he and I have been together since that time in their life, I refer to my partner's ( his name) daughter or son. Also my partner's grandson, is just that...it is not my grandson.

And I am certain this is what his children would like from me too. It would be terribly presumptuous of me (and they would probably think I'm wierd and would become uncomfortable) to refer to them otherwise when I didn't give birth to them nor did I raise them.

Do I feel bereft, left out, awkward? Nope. I'm already a proud aunt of 6 nieces and nephews from 3 sisters.

They are my step-son/daughter and that's how I introduce them...they introduce me as their step-mom...

Huh; that's interesting. I thought the word "step" automatically signaled that any child wasn't a product of your marriage, wouldn't it? I guess it would depend on how close to the kids you feel to make different designations whether they are in front of you or you're talking about them.

I'm pretty sure I refer to everyone by the same term, whatever it is; for example, my son-in-law is just that. I never refer to him as my daugher's husband. My nieces are my nieces, not my brother's daughters, if that makes sense.

Ok, so would one call a spouses son in law your "step-son-in-law" or my husband's son-in-law?

So many gray areas!

You're right, it can be tricky, but how close do you feel to him? If you refer to someone as 'my husband's son-in-law,' it kind of sounds like you don't know him at all. I dunno; I think I'd probably say stepson-in law and just say he's from an earlier marriage. I do hear people say this fairly frequently.

It's surely easier when you get past that and can use use his name! I will call him Steve.

legally isn't he your son-in-law?
it means that he's your husband's son by law because he married the daughter, and your marriage makes you part of this family as well.
If you're not great buddies, why not "my step daughter's husband?"
If I liked him, i'd call him my son.