I found out over 1 year ago, that my 56 year old husband had been cheating with a 26 year old "woman." I have been through hell. I am still with him, but it has been at the expense of my physical and mental health. We are currently seeing a counselor together. I would like to hear from women that have been through a similar situation, and how they have dealt with this. Thanks!

Mer,
I haven't been thru this but I can't help but wonder about someone 26 being interested in someone 56, yet alone, married. It blows my mine! I'm not saying your hubby doesn't have qualities that a person could love, I'm strictly looking at this from an age standpoint, not even to mention the fact that he's married! What could they possibly have in common other than lust?

I am appalled at what some women do...I'm so sorry you've been thru this. You are apparently of great strength... he would be under my new patio if it were me...

JJ

Mer,
You said had been cheating. Is he still cheating? How long did it last? JJ is right it sounds like lust an dhe would be under her patio!

BTW, welcoome to the forums. You will find lots of support here. Check out some of the other topics.

Keep us posted.

Lynn

Welcome, Mer and I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm a former New Yorker, by the way...
When I was 19 and worked at an electronics company, there was a girl there who was 21 and she was having an affair with a married man who was in his mid fifties. It blew my mind then, and it still does. Again, I'm very sorry.

Mer,
If your health is suffering because you are still with him isn't that telling you something?
Is your therepy working? Is he actively paticipating- is the affair over?
I think if it isn't over maybe he needs to move out until he is either willing to commit to you or accept that you will get a good lawyer and he won't be able to show the young one a good, expensive time no more
Rebuilding a marriage is hard but a half a life is harder and deadly for your health. I am so sorry that you are going thru this
We're all here to support you

I went through this. I did everything wrong. I should have kicked him out the minute I discovered his cheating. Tell me what you need to know and I'll try to help. You can PM me if you'd rather do it that way.

Been there sufferd the embarassment and degridation of that as well. I kicked my ex to the curb and to my knowledge he is still cheating with young women, they seem to get younger each time and this jerk, I call him Sluggo, has nothing to offer. Mer get rid of him, counciling is a joke most of the time, something these losers go through so 'you'll think' that they are sincere. Its all down hill once these cheating pigs insult and degrade the marriage vows...you may think you can forgve him but the trust will never be there again. Everytime his head turns even to sneeze, if theres a younger women there you'll feel that stab in your heart once again...don't put yourself through that life is too short....Oh and welcome to the Boomers..

[ October 19, 2005, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Mer, many of us have been cheated on. Sometimes we take them back, sometimes we kick them to the curb. A day will come when you reach "the point of no return." It will be when you decide that you have had enough and you're ready to do whatever is right for you. This is the time when no one on earth can convince you to stay.

In my case, I couldn't shake the fact that my husband had "bedded" another woman and I eventually had to move on.

Here it is 30 years later and I have one of the best relationships in the world. We say we are the happiest couple on earth.(top 5% easily).
There's room for you in that top 5%.

It is difficult to make changes in life, especially one as drastic as losing one's life partner, no matter what the circumstance, but
losing one's self is the most devastating of all.

Look at it this way...we only have a few more good years left, even if we live to be a hundred. What are you going to be doing for the next 20, 30 or 40 years?

My prayers are for you today. I pray that you find the courage to do what is right for you.
God Bless.

chick

I am so touched by all of the responses I have received. You all right, I am sure. I think I really am going to like this website! Last night was the second marriage counseling we attended. Before this, he had only seen this counselor by himself. Of course, it was a condition I had set. He showed his true colors last night, by shouting at the top of his lungs the whole session. I was quite mortified when we left! I guess these marriage counseling sessions are my last shot at making this work. Unfortunately, he makes most of the money in this marriage, and I am financially dependent on him. I did see 2 lawyers at one point when I first found out, but I can only get a small amount of "maintenance" because my kids are grown and of the home. To answer your question, he was giving her alot of money, and that's why she was probably very interested. (she is also married with 2 young children) There is no fool like an old fool, you know what they say. Meanwhile he is in debt up to his neck because of this affair. It's quite horrible. Anyway, thanks so much for all your kind thoughts, and words of advice. Mer

Mer,
My first husband cheated on me the whole 15 years we were married, plus being physically and mentally abusive to me and my oldest son. In those days you thought you were supposed to stay. I would have been the first in my family to divorcee. I finally had enough, and when I left it was with a fury like you have never seen, and I was really in a bad way with 3 sons to raise alone. Do not let things get to the point it hurts you physically and mentally before you leave. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start to heal. So many women go back to college later in life. Either a 2, 4 or graduate school or even a shorter school, like medical incoding to work in a hospital.
What he is doing is demeaning, depressing, and makes you feel like a fool, WHICH YOU ARE NOT! I was single 5 years before I was ready to consider even looking at another man.
Good luck to you, and I am here also if you need me.