I was reading about Chatty finding out a man she went out with lied to her about being married and thought of this question.

If you have a friend and you find out she/he is dating something who is not who they say the are (they're married/use drugs/criminal record/etc)would you tell them?

OR if you have a friend who is married and you find out their spouse is cheating on them, would you let him/her know?

Have any of you had this come up and if so, what did you do or not do?

lol do you have something to say to me dee?!!???

i can give an example of a good frend (male ) being infertile. He meet date and moved in a younger ladie who wanted familie. I said nuthing about his infeartilitie as it might onlie have lasted a mounth or so and i din't think it my place.

Time went on i forgott about it untill about 1 yr into their relashionship she started talking about having kids, said she been trying and so had he! So i went to him to say tell her its not faire.
Time went on and i knept presurising him to tell her and dieing with guilt inside everytime she chatted to me about having kids. It got very painfull.

He din't tell her and another women did, in an argument. I was their at the time and never seen anyone look so devistated, she looked at me and asked so i confirment it as the truth.

on settling home after the argument we had a cofe and i said why i had't told her and i din't understand why he hade't told her either and it was for her to ask him .

it took explaining and some time wto work out but thir stikll together as a couple and planning to adopt or foster or something else.

that was hardest secrite i held to myself in my life.

oh iv a frend well both frends from a recentlie split up couple who been living single lifes for year or so now in seperate homes.
She is dating he dose't know and i won't be saying anything. I won't be seeing him either.

Ther definatlie apart and no trust is being broken or voews between them. So i don't considere this my bussness and won't say anything.

I am not sure about the telling of criminal record or drugs etc at this time? i don't know why either so i have to think about it.

good question dee,

Dee, I think it really depends on how close I am to the friend. If it was a dear, close friend, I absolutely would because I would want to know if I were in her shoes.

Sometimes I think women know their men cheat, but they just don't want to admit it because of all the changes it might require. Anyone else think that?

I agree, Dotsie, it would depend on how close I am to that person. Fortunately, I've never been put in that situation. It's easy to say what I would do, but I think I would be afraid of hurting that person or losing her friendship. But on the other hand, it she was a very close friend, I think I would have to tell her. There is no easy answer.

The quickest way to lose a best friend is to tell her. The quickest way to lose a best friend is to not tell her and have her find out that you knew. If they stay together, HE doesn't want you around any more. If they don't, it's your fault because you caused the breakup. It's a lose lose situation in many cases.

I kept quiet.

I actually ran into my friend's husband, (he happens to be my cousin), while he was sailing with another woman. Panic was all over his face. He was so afraid I would say something, he told his wife himself. She called the next day and asked me about it. lol. So it took care of itself.

In this case the wife knew her man cheats. They have worked it out, though,...and I'm still the good guy.

what about knowing your frends new person was or had a criminal record, or was a drug user or such. Iv read some of you ladies background cheek some of your suters for such things, so would it be natural for you to informe your frend if you had knowlage of such information?

chick, you're right about the lose/lose. It's never an easy thing to do.

EW, good for your cousin. SOme men would just hope you'd never say anything and let it go.

And again, some women know their husbands cheat and don't do anything about it but suffer in silence. How sad is that?

celtic, good question. I can't say what I'd do. I've been in the situation and prior to being in it, said I would always tell, but I didn't have the guts. I was afraid the person involved with drugs would come after me. Scary thought. And a little selfish on my part, but I want nothing to do with people who do drugs; never have, never will. They are rational so you don't know what you're getting in to.

Wow Dee, thats always a tough question but in my own case once, many years ago, my best friends husband was a real scoundrel and rather than tell her outright and maybe they make up and I become an unwelcomed guest in their now happy home, I typed a note to her, mailed it and waited. The note said:
YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING WITH NOT ONE BUT TWO WOMEN, I named them and told her where they met and when. She did the rest and divorced him. I never did tell her it was me. Don't look for credit for something so hurtful.

There is an even better story concerning a cheating husband that was cheating 'with' my cousin and on her as well, a real jackass this guy was.
I trapped him in my bed, naked and when she walked in he had quite a time trying to explain that one. I wish you could have seen his face. Oh, she was mad as hell at me for sometime until she realized I has saved her from leaving her husband and three darling kids for some slimeball. That was a fate I was willing to save her from.