Polygamy for instance?

While this practice for various social developments may be disapating as more women worldwide become literate and many other reasons, this is one area where I do not necessarily agree.

And no I can't respect this practice completely. You have to realize that old traditional Chinese culture prior to Mao/Communism, richer Chinese men took upon more than 1 wife simultaneously under the same household with children from 2 wives living together also.

I have a good Chinese friend my age, born in Canada like myself, who told me once her grandmother died. So I expressed my condolences to her. Then she told me that was her father's "other" mother, meaning his 2nd mom, not stepmom. My friend seemed vague and bewildered. She didn't really want to talk about it. Her grandfather had 2 wives simultaneously. These relationships were consummated in China, not in Canada. But by now, polygamous marriages are outlawed in China and have been for decades.

So it difficult for me to have cultural objectivity... after reading enough stories and hearing enough from the past about conflicts among multiple wives and children, etc.

Of course right now, there is considerable media attention on the rare Mormons sects who where a man has several wives (some under age of consent for sex) and fathers several children from each wife.... Right now in the community of Bountiful British Columbia.

Orchid, that's an interesting way to frame the question -- i.e., being careful about expressing opinions about cultural practices that are foreign to one's own culture.

I understand polygamy, as practiced in China and the middle East, to originally have been for the protection of women. i.e., women have been vulnerable for centuries and needed to be under the care and protection of men.

But, regarding cultural practices, none of them are set in stone. Cultures change and evolve. To venerate cultural practices that no longer serve a viable purpose is not necessary. For example, patriarchy where men had absolute control over their wives and children was widely accepted in the US even as recently as the 1950s and 1960s, and still exists. But I don't think it's right. I also think it's doomed as a cultural practice. I put polygamy in a similar category. It may have served economic and social purposes, but as far as affection goes, I don't think a man can treat two different women and their children exactly the same. He will always love and cherish one wife more than others, and that can have devastating effects not just on the less favored wife but also on her children.

I try to be careful about my comments because situations like polygamy are a great impetus to examine just how much better we think we are. And to my mind, we're not. Sure, we don't have four wives competing with each other for the affections of some creep, but the divorce-and-remarriage situation that is so common in the US isn't much different, is it? In fact, we encourage the conflict and jealousy no matter how much it hurts the children. Our (often) serial marriage values mean that the earlier families often live with abandonment, loneliness, and in poverty.

I can see why polygamy can be seen as a certain economic and social benefit; I think the trick is to be the first wife. Then you are set and owed a certain level of respect and can let the younger wives do more. (That's just my sick sense of humor, but I'm only half-joking.)

Speaking of cultural differences, an Asian friend of mine was shocked when my husband and I explained the concept of 'trophy wife' to him, noting that it referred to a man who threw over his middle-aged wifes for newer, younger models. He was appalled when he learned that we indeed tolerate abandonment. He said that in his culture even if you had a mistress it would be very bad form not to support your original family.

When I think of my friends who have been literally abandoned with no money, I'm not at all sure that we have it right -- and I live in a state that has one of the highest divorce rates in the nation. At the very least, we should be encouraging an atmosphere of civility and cooperation among families for the sake of behaving like adults and, most of all for the kids who seem to be our last thought. (Seriously, why does anyone want to be someone's second wife and spend half her time encouraging her husband to abandon his children from his first marriage? What kind of values are these? I don't get it.)

I honestly don't think marriage is just affection: it's a social relationship, a companion relationship, a sexual relationship, and a financial relationship. Plus, once you have kids you incur obligations that are sometimes even stronger than the marriage bond.

And, you know, I have never once heard a woman say she'd like two husbands.....

I am all for polygamy so long as it is many husbands to one wife, thats fair wouldn't you think? Oh my I get all flustered just thinking of that, a plumber, a mechanic, an electrician, a roofer/painter, a gourmet chef, and of course my personal valet to bathe, massage and then dress me for dinner....

I would express my opinion about pologamy but I can't wrap my mind around the concept. I guess it is SO impossible for me to imagine, although I do watch "Big Love," I can't share my feelings. I feel it is stupid and a trap for women, of course, and I know it's been in some cultures before and some now.

It's just beyond me how any woman could position herself even as first wife.

Get out, I wouldn't want to be any wife, they could cut off my head first!

Dancer

I do think its cultural and culture just in its simple formes being "how things are dune around heer" the around heer being a religion (is it rare sects of mormones as i though it was all or all had the choice for plologimy) or sub sectes of cultures ie everyone with one blue eye and one browen eye lol sillie but hay I am scared of chosing any group and potencialie offending them.

our culture says pologimy is unexacptable so for us as adults it is just that, unexceptable.

Our cultures say "marry for love" (don't they or has that changed) and we can't wrapp our heads around arranged marriages. So we make them the strange ones.

all cultures "ours" and their ned examened at times for abuseive stuff....wondered about chatted about. But i don't think it makes them necassary wrong. Its hard to tell and perhapps unless its outright abuse which is acknolaged within and without cultures then i think its hard to relisticalie judge when we are "outside of a culture"

i know chattie was joking but the idea of us having many hubbies might seem appeling becouse we'd be the ones with the power.

could it be becouse we are women and would be compeating with other women for one man tghat we go to jelousie, that we be hurt, that we project what we might feel onto thse women in those situasions.

this is a bit similare to a multipale partner chat that was going on else weer.

i say again its not my life style but i find nuthing wrong with it if its safe, consensule, sane and everyones happie.

I know that those people living thir lives with 1 or 12 wifes/partners do me no harm. If its cool for them i don't think i can or will object on thir behalf, its thir relashionship.


how dose the state laws or countrie laws compensatre for multiple wifes on religouse reasons ie in example of mormons?

or dose it?

dancer what is "big love" we don't have that in the uk and i haven't came across it on cable?

orchard main point as in sub cultures or minorities reading this may be offended is a good point to bear in mind when writting, i sure like all the women we try to be senstitive but sometimes stuff so diffrent from our owen culture its gets confusing and offense may be being couse when no one from within the culture actulie relises it.

thanks for drawing atention to this point.

I do need reminding on certine subjects just as much as any other women dose.

ellman thought full post cheers.

Celtic,
"Big Love," is a television show which is shown weekly that depicts the Mormons on the show to practise pologamy. The main character has three wives in three adjoining households and stays nights with one wife, then the other. The call it practising Mormonism as it was intended.

He and his family own a large chain of home stores, like those that sell everything for your home and they hide their lifestyle from the public. They live in secret and he pretends in society to have only one wife, his first. He has children will all his wives who all are friends and have hooked their homes together so they can all raise the children together.

It's really a good show, I like it a lot.

I see it as a fantasy show though, again, I can't imagine it!

Dancer