Hi there,

(I know this is long...)

I have been married for just 3 years. About a year ago, I came across some emails that shocked me and really broke my heart. I was planning my husbands 30th birthday bash, it wasn’t a surprise, he knew about it. I planned to email all his friends for the invite. In order to do so I went into his email account.

There was one address that was conflicting, so I decided to check his sent files (such a snoop I know) to see who it was by reading any emails that were sent to this person.
Anyways, after I read their conversation I was go was shocked and hurt. The conversation implied some form of sex, (phone sex is what I’m thinking) he was suggesting for another session. I’ve met this person, she was at our wedding, and they’ve been friends for years. She told him it wouldn’t happen again, because it wasn’t the right thing to do.

So I planned the party and kept this to myself. About a month later I brought it up with him. He was angry big time. He was really defensive, and kept blaming me for invading his privacy. He became so upset that he said, “it was over.” He said, I had no trust in him and that our marriage would never make it. He said that the emails look bad to someone else reading them, but really it was nothing. I asked him to explain, he wouldn’t. I asked him if he was bored with me? He said no. I asked him if it was oral sex, he said no, he said that would be cheating. I said I thought perhaps it was phone sex, he never responded. I asked more questions, he said it was a form of acting and that’s all he would say. He just wanted the subject to be dropped. But my heart hurt so much, I couldn’t believe this was happening, He’s had female friends forever, I just really believed him when he said they they’re just friends. I would always suggest that in marriage things change, that having female friends is not a good idea. That night he promised me that he wouldn’t talk to any of his girl friends.

But he still has all they’re contact info in our database, every last one. I have checked his cell to see if any of them have called and I have seen their numbers. I‘ve checked his emails, but found nothing. I beginning to think that his mentality is “out of sight, out of mind.” When I’m not around he can do whatever he wants.

Recently, I checked his MSM history conversations he had with a couple of his girl friends With one he was big time flirting, his friend asked how I was doing, and his response was, “after I said all that, u had to mention my wife!” He went on to counsel her with her relationship problems. Another, friend, he spoke to was just going thorough a break up and her trust was shattered and again he was counseling her. She thought marriage was a huge step and that commitment was really scary…. his response was, “I know, I’m married, I a have a hard time committing.”

I have started to see a counselor; I guess I just needed to some insight, on my behavior, his behavior and what I should do. I know I am a good wife in every aspect; I take care of him well, at least everyone around me says that. I am I been a nosey wife, or am I just trying to look out for myself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks