I am asking that you all pray for me as much as possible now because I gave my ex an ultimatum...Be out by January 1st., bag and baggage. He has agreed. I haven't a clue how this will happen as he is still on unemployment, with no car. I refuse to worry a minute about his plight as he has become seriously nasty and argumentative. My blood pressure is very high even though I try to steer clear of him and not get upset. He is so angry because Thanksgiving is at my grandsons new home for all the family and he is NOT invited. He keeps stomping around loudly moaning, and what am I suppose to eat for the holiday? I suppose you won't be cooking Christmas either!!

Anyway, please keep me in your boomer prayers because if I weaken again feeling sorry for him, I'm dead meat forever more...

I'd say he's been relying on you and our family to bail him out, financially and emotionally. Stay strong, Chatty. You will be in my prayers...you know that!

Chatty,

You gotta treat him like you would one of your children...not enabling him...you know the drill.

I'll be praying! You deserve to be free of your ex. (this is why he is your ex, right?!)

Setting boundaries is so much easier said than done, especially if the person lives with you. I'll be praying for you and him. It may sound harsh, but is there a men's shelter that could take him in and help him find employment?

I'm sorry you have to live in this frustrating environment in your own home.

Best of luck chatty. Also keep safe. He should be reminded that most likely at a church in town there would be Christmas meals for those who need it.

He's being incredibly selfish..by expecting you to prepare Christmas dinner?? Does he prepare any meals right now at home? If he doesn't, he still has alot to learn. I'm sorry....this is the 21st century.

Thanks to YOU ALL for your kind words. I am determined this time to keep to my resolve/word and make him leave.

Yes Dotsie it is harder done than said, I am a nurturer at heart, and seeing anything or anyone suffer is so against my nature.

Orchid, he prepares all his own meals. I never cook for him. I eat tons of fish and Asian food and he hates it so, OH WELL!! He can cook but he still has lots to learn about life, honesty and standing on his own two feet. He went shopping and brought home a huge turkey he put in the freezer. He is so use to me caving in, I suppose he thinks I will this time too.

I will keep you all posted as to the changes as they occur. See I am being positive that there will be changes for the better. God willing and the creek don't rise.

You need lots of luck about this chatty. He probably knows where your cookbooks are.... he could do the reverse, roast the turkey and invite others to eat the next day. Life doesn't have to be so miserable for him on Christmas day. He has the power to make things more positive during the holidays.

OMG! Anne you had me laughing outloud with your last post. I am counting on January 1st. and his leaving, where and how, haven't a clue but we'll see!!!!!

If I could horn in with a bit of advice: Between now and January 1, which falls on a Friday, the beginning of a long holiday weekend when everything is closed, you might contact a few local hotlines, churches and social organizations in your area and pre-emtively put together a list of places he can turn to for food, shelter, etc. If he is already known to make excuses and not follow through on past promises, this upcoming deadline may be no exception. (Monday January 4, starts a brand new week of a brand new year where everything is open for business again) If you sense mounting tension, it might be a good idea to quietly notify the local police of your intentions. (I hear in some places you may have to get a legal order in place to have him removed from the family home. You may want to check on that.)

I did this same thing (researching help for food, shelter, employment) for an immediate relative who was getting out of prison, and I was amazed at how much help is available from private (and public) resources.

On the appointed day, or the night before, make sure he is packed. You may even want to gift him with paying for the cab which will be waiting at the curb after you hand him his list. Then RUN to the phone and arrange for the locks to be changed ASAP.

I will pray that all goes the way you want it to, so you can have a 2010 filled with peace of mind.