BWS'ers unite...

Where is everyone lately? I am missing so many of you and it's not even summer yet. Yohoo, where forth art thou????????
Come out, come out wherever you are...

I've been thinking the same thing for quite some time, chatty. I still come reg. but not as often. I have the feeling many posts aren't even read anymore. I don't think Facebook is any competition because we can't discuss there, like we do here.

I won't be here the next few weeks either, because we will be going on vacation. But as sure as Amen, I will check back in on my return.

Hopefully with the new structure plans, the place will be swinging again.

I am in and out as time permits. I have been on a stay at home vacation this week, and have had plenty of time to chat. But it's back to work next week, so my time is limited.

But I try to hang out as often as I am able.

Chatty, everyone knows that people come and go at will...that is one of the nice things about this haven...we can come and post when we have time, and when we don't, we don't have to feel guilty about not posting all the time. Yes?

There are so many reasons why someone may not have the time to come here on a daily basis, like you are able to do. Work is a bigee, but caregiving is another bigee. And then there are doc appointments, weddings, divorces, LOL!, and so many other reasons.

So while I know you were wanting everyone to "come out and play," sometimes that's just not possible.

Hang in there, they'll return...they always do!

I'm here, everyday, reading and catching up. My problem is severe fatigue, both physical and mental. It's always worse after returning from Cuba...add donor fatigue to the mix! Anyway, I don't have much energy to post anything meaningful these days, but am still here, caring and praying for my boomer sisters as always.

Like you Eagle I read and care what is happening to people..

and I agree JJ there are many reasons people do not contribute

Sending you lots of HUGS, Eagle...

Eagle, we'll take you any way we can get you...sending more hugs! Now you're surrounded with love, am I right?

I hope no one thinks I was being critical because that was the farthest thing from my mind. I was just feeling lonely with no
one to chat with plus I agree with Edelweiss it seems the posts either aren't being read or maybe just not answered. OR maybe I am simply off my rocker to care so much about my cyber family.

Oh and if anyone cares, I deleted my Facebook yesterday. Too many horror stories of email lists being stolen, blogs invaded and the list goes on. All Facebook does is say they're sorry and are working on the bugs. I consider myself lucky so far and it does me no good in any way business wise, so why take a chance? I simply deleted it. Just so no one thinks I'm ignoring a comment they might have sent me.

Ah yes, basking in it, JJ, thanks. I agree with you, there are so many reasons why people might not be here as much. One of my favourite thoughts on it is that maybe, hopefully, many women have found such healing and empowerment here that they are now living rich and healthy lives, perhaps even paying forward to others all that they were able to find here.

Sharon you are such an Angel...So wise and loving to everyone.

I sometimes have gotten my feelings hurt when I post and I feel ignored...I too feel lonely and come here to find companionship and comfort...I guess that is the downside of having cyber relationships.

Avalon, yes that one part of cyber friends - they are there when they want to be. It's not about anyone of us, it's the nature of the friendship.

Sorry you have had your feelings hurt. I think most of us have felt ignore at some time or other. Please do not take it personally.

Joanne Harris the author has studied virtual friendships..
her quote
"These online communities have people who fall out bitterly.people who ignore each other.or confide in ways they don't even confide to their best friends in real life"

she writes that she spent too much time on line hanging about various sites and searching out even more ingenious ways of evading reality.her words not mine

from her visiting several communities (sites) ignognitio she has written a book..a dark pyscological thriller..

only time and research will allow many to make an assesment.
I agree with Joanne Harris..people do ignore each other..

look out for her book..Blue eyed boy.

When visiting on line sites, I don’t do it to avoid reality at all. It’s reality that I find pleasure in communicating with people all around the world. As a child, I used to have many pen pals. Communicating in the written form has always been a part of me.

I admit, I spend too much time on-line. But what is the alternative? Watching boring TV programs? Reading another book? At least I have feed back here, and as long as I find pleasure in it, then I don’t want to give it up.

This afternoon we will have 15 people over for an Easter dinner and a Easter egg hunt for the little ones.. I’ve been preparing days ahead, but still have time to check out the site, and see what’s new. It’s my relaxation time.

As far as ignoring others;…if I have, it was never my intention. I usually don’t answer more than 4 posts/ day. It is truly a time factor. Maybe we should all do what Chatty does; first check under “Active Topics” , then “Unanswered Posts”. That way no one is left out. Just a thought.

Happy Easter everyone!

Hmm.. I didn't know there was a place called, "Unanswered posts" we could go to. See, by stopping by tonight I found out something new. I'm here a lot but don't always post. Just read the threads that interest me and move on if I don't have anything to add. I love all of you friends here and hope I've not left someone friendless or lonely by my not posting.
Blessings all.

I think Chatty was simply asking where everybody was...and if anyone would like to come out and play.

I don't belive anyone here intentionally ignores anyone, and as Sandpiper says, some of us simply reply to posts that speak to us or hold an interest...then move on.

This is not, nor should it be, a place where you are obligated...OBLIGATED...to post, or leave comments.

Think of it as a home where you are visiting good friends.

Also, while we're discussing "things," NO ONE IS INTENTIONALLY COVERING UP POSTS. There is no such thing. Just because you may have posted in a section, this doesn't give you squatters rights until the post gets old and gray. Anyone can post NEW topics. They are all listed...and they don't go away. Just go to the next page, for Pete's sake. If you don't get a reply to your post, please don't indicate that others are covering yours up. It could very well be no one was interested. ALL POST CAN BE SEEN. (Queen steps down from soap box and puts box back in corner)

JJ, I don't believe anyone said that posts are intentionally covered.

Oh heaven's no....no one did. Forgive...I was just giving that piece of info because of all of the emails I get with people asking me why others cover up their post. Kind of like killing two birds with one stone.

Sorry bout the confusion

Okay, that’s cleared up. I was beginning to feel like a little girl saying; “ But, but, but Moooooomy, we didn’t dooooo thaaaat!”

Eagle,
I never do post anything meaningful. But I like to comment on
this and that.

Chatty,
I'm here but busy with everything else, too. I still come in
daily and look around as time permits.

I don't do Facebook anymore because of the virus issue. I just
had one mainframe crash; don't need this new to go caput before I finish my manuscripts.

Ciao for now...

Today I am looking around the site and will be posting on some. I can't very well ask others where they are and then just because I am grieving, not post myself...

I don't believe in the saying: "Do as I say, not as I do!"

you are remarkable Chatty...I love your attitude...my heart reaches out to your heart..I truly feel your pain and admire your courage..I went to bed for days and hid from the world when I was in your position...you show us the way. God love you.

Chatty,
I doubt if people ever get over losing a beloved person or pet.
Guess we just have to adjust and learn to live with whatever
life brings our way. I've heard it said, God won't give us more
than we can handle. I sure hope that's true. Prayers and blessings,

I hope it's true too, Jabber. I'm really feeling overwhelmed by all the losses and grief that keeps piling up. I just found out that my best friend (Kate for those who have read my book) of over 30 years just had a heart attack. And the mother of our grandchildren is going through something weird and won't allow anyone to visit...we've only seen our grandchildren twice since Christmas (compared to seeing them every Sunday). And for reasons I can't go into, I'm not invited to my brother's wedding this summer (it relates back to when my other brother died 3 years ago). Sometimes it feels like more than I can handle.

Eagle Heart, I am devastated to hear about your friend Kate...I did read your book and know how much she means to you...how is she doing now? Will she have to undergo surgery? Coincidentally my very dear friend suffered a heart a small heart attack on Good Friday ..after having been out to dinner with my husband and I the night before...he has since had a heart cath and they cleared his blockages by placing Stents in the blocked arteries..but we were petrified all weekend...luckily he came home today from the hospital..I hope they can do something to give Kate a new lease on life as well...I will definitely pray for both of you ...

I am so sorry to hear that your brother is not going to invite you to his wedding..weddings are meant to be a joyous occasion..but it seems they oftentimes bring pain and division in families instead...not having you there will cause some amount of unhappiness to your brother's day..and that is his fault..not yours...you and your hubby should plan a nice little getaway to someplace beautiful that week...

Stay strong and continue to smile...life is way too short....

Eagle, I am so sorry to hear about Kate's heart attack. When did this happen and how is she now? I pray all be well for her and for you as well.

Oh, Eagle, it just keeps piling on, doesn't it? My heart holds you a bit tighter these days. Love you.

Thanks for letting me vent. Things do just keep piling on these days. No new news on Kate...Nancy, somewhere in the long conversation last night I heard about stents...she had the heart attack Saturday night, but they knew she wasn't in a life-death situation, so were waiting until more tests had been done before letting everyone know...the news so far is good...she's in very good hands (6 specialists last count) because she's in the hospital she used to work in (she's a nurse) and is much beloved there. So I'm relieved, but still scared at the fragility of life. One day you can have everything, a rich and full life, and the next, nothing, it's all gone. That's how I feel. My life was once so rich and overflowing with family and love and laughter. Now it has shrunk down to my husband and his daughter. And none of it is my fault. The crap that's happening in various sectors of my life has been initiated/triggered by and between other people, but I keep having to deal with the agony of the fallouts because of my connections to the people involved. One by one they're all disappearing out of my life and there's nothing I can do about it, because all of the quarrels/situations are between other people and I can't interfere without doing even more damage. I'm sure it will all work out.

In the meantime, I'm struggling to focus on what is, but somedays (like today) it's just harder to keep my head above the waters.

Eagle my always friend..she was next door three years older had a stroke and is paralysed left side..speech too..she lives alone unmarried.(An unclaimed gem!)she has always been there..at my back..we did youth work..she had the boys..me the girls..she is much loved by the community.
I like you am devestated at my friends hurt..but within I hold joy..that she is in recovery..that I can visit and help whether she returns home or to assisted living..if it is a complex then I will strive as always to trouble shoot so that her life is kind.
loving a friend means either we hurt or they hurt for us..my friend has supported me so often...she is the first person I phone when we have happy events or sad..
she has sucessfully beaten breast cancer..will a smile each day..

so sorry your friend is ill Eagle but it sounds like she has a good team around her..and she has you.

Eagle I heard this said on TV the other day: “Family members teach us to tolerate things about them, what we never would tolerate, if they were not family.”

So true, isn't it?

I feel sorry for your losses, Eagle. I can so relate to difficult relatives. Unfortunately, most of mine are so difficult that I'd rather not get involved with them at all. I have learned over the years to answer calmly but to keep my distance. The difference with you, of course, is that you had the closeness and it has been taken away, so that really hurts and I'll be thinking of you.

For people who like to talk about how wonderful family is: I have precisely one decent, non-mentally ill relative, and yes, I cherish him. Ok, I lied: my uncle is great to talk to and I do appreciate his kindness and connections. That's it. All the rest of them, on both my husband's family and mine, are bananas. Right now I'm slightly freaking out because my SIL might be planning to come visit us and it's a completely crazy story, as usual. I'm just weary of the bizarre e-mails and strange phone calls. I have had enough character building on this score and would like a break from these people. Fortunately, we almost never see them.

I'm sure that sounds awful but it's just the truth. Eagle, I hope you get to see your grandchildren soon and that your friend recovers. The wedding? Forget about it; not your fault.

Thank you MA, Edelweiss and Ellemm. It's so true that we often allow relatives to fling their toxicity at us simply because they're related...or because there are precious children involved - and why, I constantly ask myself, do these people insist on using their children as pawns to get their own way or to justify their toxic behaviour. Our relationship with the grandchildren is constantly at the mercy and whim of someone who enjoys holding that power and control over us. The only reason we tolerate it is to keep the door open to see the children.

Ellemm, your post was so helpful, especially in helping me to step back and get perspective. Why do I allow my mental well-being to be held hostage by all of this? I need to step back, take a deep breath and let it all go for now. There just isn't anything I can do right now, and why bang my head against the brick wall for things I cannot change (back to that Serenity Prayer again!).

I need to just shrug my shoulders against it all, turn away from the toxicity of not only the people but the angst I'm allowing myself to feel about it all, and focus on the light and love that IS around...hubby, nature, here. Sigh. I wish it didn't have to be a case of shrugging all these vital people off, but it might be the best way through at this stage of it all.

(((Hugs, Eagleheart))). I'm sorry about your friend who is suffering now, the wedding and now, grandchildren.

I didn't know you had another brother.

Thanks Orchid. One thing I miss from Cuba are the hugs...thanks for yours!

I have two other brothers. But when our youngest brother died 3 years ago, there was another life-changing incident that occurred the same week, and our family was shattered forever. The damage was irreparable and none of us, or our family, will ever be the same. While my one brother and I were not directly involved, things are such that my presence at the wedding would cause distress to others there. I'm still in contact with my oldest brother, and our relationship is intact, but we rarely see each other since Gary died.

It wouldn't hurt so much if we hadn't always been such a tight-knit, loving family - and my brothers and I still love each other very much, but, well, circumstances are what they are right now and I can't alter the ripple effect at this point in time.

If your brother knows your door is always open should he change his heart/mind, then that's good enough for now.

How old are the grandchildren?
It feels it abit strange/toxic it is the grandmother not wanting you to see the children. Something seems amiss here, since it is would be the parents who would make the decision for the children, not the grandmother.

It sounds like a strange, but temporary situation (although that could last for a long time). Maybe at least to suggest at a better time in a few months, that you see children on neutral ground, at a restaurant or country fair, etc.

Eagle , you have such a big heart and kind soul..you deserve back all of the love that you so willingly give...I know it's difficult when you want to reach out to a family member but can't because of some silly misunderstanding or misinterpretation of an event...what gets me through those times is this...I think back to a happy occasion or time when I was close to the person that I miss..and I visit with them in my heart...and then I tell them in my mind that I am always here waiting for you when you want to come back to me...I learned this little exercise in grief counseling after my darling mother died and my sister and her family were being nasty to me...it helps...truly it does..and then I go on with my life...my given family may be absent now but I have wonderful friends who love me and let me love them in return...I too am sending you
(((BIG HUGS))) and praying that you can find some peace of mind.
Take good care of yourself my Friend.

Avalon, what neat advice. Thanks for sharing.

Eagle, sending the biggest of hugs your way.

I understand the tight knit family of days gone by a little bit more with each passing year. Without sharing too much, please know I understand the heartbreak and confusion of it all.

Thanks Dotsie (and Nancy). It really has helped just to air the sadness here...it was all bottled up inside of me and nowhere to vent. Sharing here has helped to ease the pain and helped to give me new perspective - and empowerment to plow through with/without them.

This deep sadness has been partly to blame for me not sharing here as much. It's so overwhelming somedays that I just don't want to spew it into anyone else's world, and so I keep it all to myself (well, with my best friend in the hospital and hubby having heard it all before, where is there to go?)

It's not the totality of who I am, but it overshadows everything else because of its impact on our day-to-day lives. Still searching for the "new normal" that brings more joy than pain, and darn, isn't it elusive. But thanks to all for once again being a soft and safe place to crash.

Can you do something wonderful for yourself on the day of the wedding..people can only hurt us if we let them do so..
and anyone who needs to hurt another is best shut out of your life.when we feel low then things and bad memories hurt so by raising your own well being it gives you strength.When you are strong arrows dont penetrate.
Vent all you need to..the space here is not on ration and some of the posters can set new ideas afloat.

I have places I go..which buffer me against the trials of life..then visulise these places in order to relax..

Could you connect with your brother and spend time with him even for a coffee.seperate from any issue that exists..just like you sat at the table so often in past years..not discussing any issue just time...and the coffee..

MA, that's a great idea, to plan something special to do on that day. It's going to be painful (my other brother IS invited, which makes it that much more excruciating), but if hubby and I plan to go somewhere (maybe his hometown in northern Quebec, we always love to go there), it will keep my mind otherwise occupied.

That meeting with my other brother will happen someday, on neutral territory, and we both look forward to that day, as you say, separate from the issues that exist. It just hasn't been possible yet, but soon.

Dear Eagle,
We all "spew" on/with our friends...internalizing just is NOT healthy...please feel free to fall on me..and this past year my "soft places " have gotten softer and larger ...you can always pm me too....

MA had a great suggestion...find something special to do that weekend with your hubby , something that makes you happy, and although you might feel left out of your brother's day..when you and Hubby are enjoying yourself you can smile inside knowing that if you were at the wedding you would probably not be having quite so much fun!!!

Eagle,
I'm sorry about all the difficulties you are and have been facing. I look at what some folks go through, and wonder how
they do it. The last 5 years have been hard for me, too. But
all of us have to keep hope and faith alive; we can't lose those!
You are in my prayers. God bless; prayers and blessing,
Groovy, aka Linda Popiel, said we should contact you someday and meet in Canada somewhere. That sounds like fun! We'll have to do that!

Eagle,
I have the feeling I missed answering some of your posts or
comments. If I truly did not respond when I should've, I'm sorry.
Like everyone, I have a great deal on my mind. I'm surrounded
by friends with problems and I'm sure I mess up regularly.
Please forgive! Prayers and blessings,

Jabber, where's this coming from? You have nothing to feel guilty or sorry about on my account!! I've been here long enough and gotten to know the hearts of the women here well enough to be very comfortable with allowing - and celebrating - everyone their freedom to come and go and to respond or not. I know all too well that there are days when it's impossible to muster up the energy to speak...I've been in my own little world for a long time, and just am so grateful that I can come and hang out here whenever, and I'm grateful that I can speak or not speak, it's ok. I celebrate and support that same freedom for all women here...I would never even question why someone hasn't responded, probably wouldn't even notice most of the time, to tell you the truth.

So please just rest your lovely heart and mind, and be assured that I'm very comfy with just "being" here. If ever I NEED any response, I'll say so, but most of my posts these days are just self-indulgent vents, or "crisis outlets" for my grief...nobody can fix my pain, and I don't expect any quick fixes...it's enough just to have the freedom and safe place to share.

xoxoxoxo

I so agree with you Eagle Heart. Sometimes it is just enough to be able to vent about a situation or problem and know others care and understand your pain even though they can't do anything about it really. On Easter Sunday when my little dog Rosee died the first place I came to was here when returning home from the vet. When asked why I even cared to turn on the computer, I answered I had to talk to my sisters, share my grief with my cyber family because they love me and loved Rosee too.

Now that I am going through the exact same thing with Reeta, here I am again. Both for moral support and also to try and support anyone who might be needing my support right now.

((((Chatty)))) ..Praying for you and Reeta every second tonight..

Me too, Chatty. Holding you and Reeta in my heart-prayers...wish I could come and keep you company as you wait. xoxox

Eagle,
Thank you. I'm presently going through difficult stuff and I suppose I'm overly sensitive. It's probably coming from that.
There was a day when I meant to respond to a post of yours,
then got sidetracked and couldn't find where I wanted comment.
That too birthed the above post.

Chatty,
Sorry about what you're going through. You and your heartaches
are in my prayers!

Prayers and blessings,

Chatty & Eagle,
I love coming on BWS and venting! What a wonderful outlet this
is and has been! It's truly a blessing!

Today I saw the doctor, they said inconclusive come back on the 21st. Was in and out in a half hour. So went and had my hair done, picked up a refund at Sams Club, and ended up getting new something or other for my car battery, cost me $70.00. Oh well, I am still kicking so I guess inconclusive is okay, but what the heck does that mean anyway??? Ever had a doctor say that to you?

Chatty,
It probably means they don't know what else to say.
Inconclusive is a big word, so they'll say that. I have to go
in next Thursday and don't wanna go. I'm toying with the idea
of canceling the appointment; they don't tell me inconclusive
they just make me come back every four months.

Just means they couldn't find anything, Chatty. They also use it to say there may be something but they aren't sure what or if there is something.

So frustrating, isn't it. I went for an appointment today after waiting 5 months to see this specialist. After two hours of answering questions by first a nurse then an intern who also did a thorough check, I finally saw the specialist for all of 5 minutes...inconclusive, come back on Monday for more tests. So I don't know what it meant for you Chatty, but for me I think it means they found something that is probably nothing but they don't want to take any chances so will check it out further. I guess we'll both be spending the weekend with that fuzzy little question in the back of our minds.

Eagle,
It's so annoying when one person, then another, asks the same darn questions. The last mammogram I had, was incorrectly interpreted. I went through extensive testing, to make that discovery. I'm thankful that was the conclusion, but what I went through to reach that point wasn't any fun!