Husband has Bipolar

My husband has Bipolar. Its been a real struggle for us. He is in a depression right now. Even on meds there are still ups and downs. This all started about 6 yrs ago. He's been hospitalized 3 times.. He now knows he has to stay on meds forever and has to keep up with his Dr. appts. etc. I went through this great class through NAMI called Family to Family for the friends and family members. Its so educational. Education is the key to mental illness.. And we need to get rid of the STIGMA!!!

How does someone know if they have bipolar or are just down in the dumps due to job problems and/or money worries or health issues ? I always wondered how someone knows for sure.

Oh believe me when you educate yourself on what Bipolar is all about you will definitely know that's what it is. Of course you need a good pyschiatrist and pyschologist to confirm this as well. I mean a GOOD one... preferably Christian Dr's too..
There are various degrees of this illness as well. Some have milder cases then others. There are a lot of good books out now about Bipolar disorder and a lot of information on the internet. A lot of times people are diagnosed with depression before they are dianosed with BP because often times the depression is there before an manic episodes... so people are treated just for the depression and not the BP.. which turns out to be not good!!!
JAM

Mammajude, may God bless you with the continued strength it takes to endure and be by your husband's side.

I have a cousin with it and just wow! I don't understand how the people that HAVE to endure her does it. She has this naturally scheming type of personality anyhow. That topped with her disorder really makes it difficult to understand or even want to understand that it's the disorder.

bipolar is a very tricky illness. It can hide for a long time, masked as other symptoms.

I've had it nearly my entire life, but only was diagnosed 2 years ago. The diagnose was a blessing to finally give a name to what I've been going through.

However, Mammajude is right. Education is very important. If I knew now, what I should have known then.... The what if's could drive me crazy. As soon as I learned I had bipolar I bought books and did research. It helped answer so many questions. It helped my husband too, as family and friends are affected by the illness as well.

Accepting the illness and learning to live with it are very important. If your husband is on meds, help him stay that way. I have a wonderful doctor that found the right combination of meds for me and I'm stable and happy. I see my doctor for all my appointments and am careful to avoid triggers in my life that can throw me into a manic phase.

Bless you for loving your husband as he is.

What might trigger a manic episode? Is there a website that educates on BP? My ex father in law was BP and it got real crazy sometimes but he never would take any medication for it. What meds are they using these days? Didn't they use to treat patients with Lithium? Do you miss the highs? Enough questions for ya?

Dianne, I have a friend who takes Lithium and does extremely well with her bipolar disorder.

A couple sites to check:
www.drada.org
www.ndmda.org
Those sites are for organizations.

This one is Julie Fast's site. She's a writer who has bipolar and has written a book for the loved ones to better understand the disorder. She is a really neat woman. Please check out her site.
www.bipolarhappens.com

Don't forget to visit the Resources for Women on this site.

mammajude, I too am married to someone w/ manic-depressive illness as we prefer to call it. For some reason "bi-polar" sounds worse to him. At any rate, we've been together for 17 years and last year was the first time that we had a significant issue and that the diagnosis was manic psychosis. I went through 9 months of terror and hell before all was said and done and then another six months while we experimented w/ meds for the depression that often follows mania.
The book "An Unquiet Mind" by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison is the best I've ever read not neccessarily from a clinical perspective but from a personal one...she is a bi-polar doctor of psychiatry. And for the boomer lady out there who wonders how you know....I agree, there is no mistaking the real deal when it comes to a bad episode. In our case my husband had probably been having hypo manics (sort of little manics) and depressions for years but they never really interfered with his life. I have to say that I really respect him for suffering what he knew in his heart were bi-polar symptoms for years and never letting it hurt me or the children. His father and brother, an uncle and cousin...all bi-polar, so i know he suspected. It's been a long, painful time and we both accept that this is something that we'll have to be watchful of....but by the grace of God and the power of a good woman's love (me....I can barely manage to give myself a pat on the back occassionally) we are on the mend. And I concur w/ Dots....Julie Fast has a wonderful site and some great ideas for managing life w/ the disorder. God Bless!!!
kathryn

Its always good to know others are going through the same kind of things. The first part of wellness with this illness is realizing you have it, acknowledging it, getting the right Dr.s, being on the right meds and having lots of support...and most of all: a relationship with the Lord. Without those its very hard for the person with BP to function. Its a constant battle but it doesn't have to take over your life. My husband is a very easy going/loving man who I know loves me very much. I'm very fortunate!! Some people who have BP get very angry and have mean streaks... etc... Its great to know we are not alone and we need to continually pray for one another... God Bless.> JAM

This must be exhausting. Monitoring yourself constantly. But then, I'm OCD and have to monitor myself to not count everything that comes into my path so maybe it's the same thing.

I'm wondering if my ex FIL didn't suffer from other ailments along with BP. He would start imaging that aliens were trying to contact him if he got a hang up phone call. However, he recently passed away and some doctor put him on Prozac the last six months of his life and it completely changed him. Then...his children were resentful that this didn't happen years ago!

Dianne, I know a woman who want's diagnosed with bipolar unti a few years before she died. I recall speaking with her and she was so happy to have an explanation for the way she acted her entire life. She was grateful for the diagnosis and took her medicine faithfully. Prior to that diagnosis she was always treaded for depression and while those drugs helped they didn't do the trick that the Lithium did.

Drugs frighten me, but we have to look at the quality of a person's life to determine if they are necessary.

here are some more good sites

www.bipolarworld.com

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

http://www.dbsalliance.org/

http://bipolar.about.com/

http://www.bipolarhome.org/

all really good sites with lots of great information for those who have BP and family and friends of those with BP.

I'm grateful for all these posts. My mother and daughter both have bipolar disorder and, after fighting lifelong depression/anxiety with therapy and antidepressants, I was finally diagnosed myself about a year ago.

It explained a lot. My relatives who suffered had "mean streaks," acting out, etc. I was always "good," determined not to follow that path, and blessed to know God and be surrounded by a loving circle of friends. But the wide fluctuations in energy and mood plagued me all my life. The sleep deprivation alone kept me miserable.

I was fortunate. I never got involved in drugs or alcohol, never got in trouble or lost a job. But the inner struggle to maintain equilibrium, the constant effort to monitor my behavior and contain my anxiety was draining.

I'm a psychotherapist, pretty gifted in sensing out the source of other people's pain. I never could figure out why I couldn't find relief myself.

Then my daughter was diagnosed after 10 years of struggling. She took her first dose of mood stabilizer, and said, "Mom. I feel like I'm in my body for the first time in my life." She still struggles, but she's a fine, gifted person. She feels like she has a chance at life now.

When I wrote my book, Watercolor Bedroom: Creating a Soulful Midlife (featured in these forums), I had just come to accept my daughter's illness. I had gleaned all sorts of wisdom from my own search for wholeness. But about the time the book was published, I consulted a doctor myself. I thought I had ADHD and depression. After about an hour of pointed questions, the MD said, "I think you have low-spectrum bipolar disorder." Something clicked into place.

It hasn't been easy. There are lots of medications out there, and it takes awhile to find the right ones. It also takes self-knowledge, the loving support of a spouse (my husband is great), and a healthy circle of friends. I was blessed to have all that in place, and I had learned a great deal about myself from the years of spiritual searching.

Vicki, I appreciate your sharing from the perspective of a person with the illness. It's hell for family members (I thought I'd die of fear for my daughter when she was totally out of control) It's a tricky disease that interferes with development and learning, often causing the character problems/tendency toward manipulation, etc., that have been mentioned here. But it's absolutely baffling for the person with the disease. The tendency to self-judge is overwhelming. The stigma of the culture--even among mental health professionals--is shameful and shaming.

It's a disease with a heavy genetic component. If you or your spouse has it, watch for signs in your children. If your parents or children have it, watch for it in yourself. Years of suffering can be avoided with proper diagnosis and treatment.

Daphne, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you've accepted your diagnosis and are doing all you can to care for yourself. Also thankful for your family and friends who seem so loving.

From what I understand, accepting the diagnosis and treatment is the beginning of living a more comfortable lifestyle.

I pray you and your daughter continue to do well.

Have you been to Julie Fast's site? www.bipolarhappens.com

Daphne: I sent you a private message.

Thanks, Dotsie. Mental illness is like any other chronic disease--it's simply a challenge to take responsibility for ourselves and to be as well and whole as possible.

Brain diseases--depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar illness, schizophrenia, and even ADHD--are physical differences in the way the brain is wired. Families can support and encourage us (as they can with physiological illnesses like heart disease)--but family members can't take responsibility for their loved ones' behavior or their health.

For those with a family member struggling with mental illness, I suggest a book by Rebecca Woolis: When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness. It's a great guide to understanding the particulars of different disorders, and a handbook for setting boundaries and establishing a family life in which isn't defined by any disease.

When someone has heart disease, they don't usually say, "I'm a heart-diseased person." They say, "I'm a person with a health challenge."

It's really that way, too, with people with mental illness and their families. We don't let the illness define who we are.

Its been a tough time. My husband is still experiencing derpression and not being able to sleep. He sees his counselor today. Sure hope it helps. He was suppose to go back to work today but I don't know if he made it?? I keep praying and asking God to help him and to speak to him. Lift him out of this somehow. It gets so frustrating. I'm trying to be patient. Pray for us as I will continue to pray for all of you...

Mamma, HAve you been to Juie Fast's site? www.bipolarhappens.com

She wrote a book for family and friends of the people who suffer from bi-polar.

Educate me here...is that the right thing to say? Suffer from?

Mammajude, this is tough--and it may be a place where "tough love" is required. You can't make your husband get himself to his doctor or his therapist. In fact, you may have to set clear limits: Either he stays in treatment, or you take measures to protect yourself from his moods and/or destructive behavior.

I had to say in effect to my daughter:
"I love you. I'll do whatever is in my power to see that you get the help you need. I'll pay for treatment and medication. I'll accompany you to appointments if you want. I'll go to a support group. But I won't watch you self-destruct--and I won't subject myself to abuse." It was a tough thing to say, but I knew it was her best hope. She's doing well now--not without bumps in the road--but she's learning, and so am I. Bipolar disorder is highly treatable, but it takes self-motivation and perserverance in the patient.

One caveat: If your husband is psychotic or actively suicidal, get him to a hospital or call the police. But avoid as much drama as you can. The AA people talk about "detachment with love." You can't save anyone from a destructive bipolar spiral any more than you can save them from alcoholism. You can only do your own inner work, pray, go into therapy, take care of your physical health, seek support from friends, and stay available and encouraging. That's a LOT, in itself!

Dotsie, you've mentioned Julie Fast's book several times. I have mixed feelings about it. Mentally ill people do not need to be infantalized. Good therapists don't do it, even when we work in hospitals. We treat the patient as an adult, respect him or her vulnerabilities and strengths, and pay attention to relationship patterns that might need some work. That includes things like self-care for partners like Mammajude, who may be suffering as much as her husband right now.

ALL of us have pockets of health and pathology and genius and darkness within us. When I begin to think of myself as "the sick one" or "the well one" in any relationship (including those with my clients), I know I'm missing something.

Daphne, thanks for your opinion about Julie's books. I haven't read them. I've corresponded with her several times about her site and writing for my book. I appreciate the information she offers on her site and in her newsletters, but maybe I need to be educated a little better than that. I appreciate your words.

What other books do you recommend, or sites?

Oh wow...go to Daphne's site. She has a ton of valuable information. It's so nice to have her here to offer her wise advice!

Dotsie--Some aspects of Julie's book, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, are helpful, but the focus seems to be on the "sickness" to the exclusion of the impact of healthy relationships in staying well. It may be better suited for spouses or partners of people who are severely out or control or non-compliant with treatment. But I find it rather condescending, and I don't recommend it to families much.

Bipolar people get marginalized when every problem in a relationship is attributed to their disorder. Mood disordered folks are often quite intuitive. They may accurately sense things that others miss, but be unclear as to how to respond appropriately or constructively. Nobody--ill or not--needs to disregard their feelings or abandon themselves, and people with challenges like ADHD and bipolar disorder often already have a history of feeling like "the problem." Healing comes in learning to honor our perceptions, acknowledge our limitations, stay open to possiblity, and treat ourselves and others well. But I think that's true of most folks anyway.

Resources I like: Kay Redfield Jamison's work on bipolar disorder is phenomenal. Dr. Jamison is a psychologist who is herself bipolar. Her autobiography An Unquiet Mind chronicles years of struggling with the disease, her experience with treatment, and an appeal for public enlightenment and expanding research and treatment options. She's also co-written a definitive text (very technical, but used by clinicians, as well as an intriguing study about the relationship between bipolor disorder and creativity, and several other things.

Two other books: The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David Miklowitz, Ph.D., and Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families by Francis Mark Mondimore. Both are thorough,clinically sound, and deeply respectful of patients and their families.

Dianne, thanks for your comments on my site. I always welcome feedback, and am glad you found it helpful.

Dianne, you are so right about Daphne's site. I was hoping people had already visited it when she was the featured author.

Hello again... I have Julie Fast's book and help cards. I have read everything that is out there to read about Bipolar Disorder. I took the 12 week NAMI family to family class.. I continue to read everything I can on the subject. I am going to take the training to teach the Family to Family class. Education is the key!!! For everyone!!! I don't agree with everything that Julie says and does either but she sure has some good points in dealing with this disorder.. Yes you do suffer from it that's for sure. Last night my husband and I went to our Home Fellowship group through church. They laid hands on both of us and prayed for us. Its nice to have that support. My husband is med complient. After 3 hospital stays and going on and off meds.. He finally realized he has to stay on them!! Thank God. This happens with most people who have this. He is an easy going guy, very loving. Not angry or mean. I hear so many stories of their loved ones being so gruel. My husband always tells me he loves me and appreciates me for hanging in there with him. I feel at the end of my rope a lot of times cuz depression can be so draining for all concerned but God does help us through these dark times. He has two Christian Drs he sees on a regular basis which is great. Even though a person is on meds you still have ups and downs.. Its learning how to deal with those and learning to live with this illness. Not letting it take over, etc... Its hard work. Exercise is sooo good.. We're working on that one right now. I could go on and on. Its a struggle and God only knows why we are in this situation...I think its to help others. God Bless....

I agree! Education is the key. And you're right, Mammajude, that even with education and compliance the mood and energy fluctuations of bipolar disorder are a challenge. I'm glad to hear that your husband is on board with treatment, that you have MDs you can trust, and that you have a supportive church community.

You'll do a great service by teaching the Family-to-Family course. NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) is one of the greatest education/advocacy groups out there. They are challenging stigma, educating the public, supporting families, and encouraging consumers (eg: people wtih mental illness). A great group.

Mental illness can be hell when we encounter it in ourselves or our family members. At the same time, it challenges us to know ourselves, to find meaning, to have compassion for others, and to encounter God in people and places that we might otherwise miss. Who knows the "why" of our particular afflictions? The fact is that we're learning new things about the brain every day. I'm thankful to be living in a time when so many treatment innovations are unfolding.

Blessings to you for your willingness to learn, and the grace to share what you know.

Thanks I really appreciate all the support in these forums.
Glad its FRIDAY.. YEAH>>. Happy Weekend everyone....

Mamajude, As you are educating yourself about your husband's disease, I hope you won't neglect to research your husband's medication. There are some medicines that appear to alleviate symptoms, but are very seriously contraindicated in bipolar disease.
I certainly wish you and your husband the best. Sounds like you are a very caring person.
smile

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Bipolar_World/

this site is a discussion group just for bipolar. It is a safe environment to talk with those with bipolar and those living with someone with bipolar.

When I was first diagnosed with BP, I found the site and it was so helpful to be able to speak with others who had more experience with the disease. They can give you the "been there, done that" perspective that you might need and can't get from a book.

However, I found two books to be invaluable to me as I learned how to deal with my illness.

The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David J. Miklowitz, PhD

Bipolar Disorder: A guide for patients and families by Francis Mark Mondimore, M.D.

I think Daphne already mentioned them. They truly are remarkable books and extermely helpful.

I have been very fortunate to have "stabilized" with my medications. My doctor and I worked very close together to make sure that we found the proper combination and dosage. He understood the disease and me. The illness is very personal, meaning that one combination of drugs may work for one person, but not another.

I used to focus entirely on my illness, how it effected me and others, what I did, the decisions I made, every aspect of my life. Now, I have accepted it and have moved on. I take my meds. I do a once daily (How am I doing today?) and the rest of the time I just live my life. Sure, some days I spend a little more time on "me", and that's okay. Whatever works for me. I just don't let it become a big deal and overtake my life.

Am I so naive to think I'll be cured? Heck no. I know that I'll have to take these meds for the rest of my life. But that's okay. I know that I'm a better person for them and I can deal with that.

Did I ramble enough? At least I hope I made sense.

Yes, his Drs are keeping tabs on the medications. What Vicki said is so right. Its getting your mind off of focusing on the illness and getting on with your life as well...
thanks you guys...

I agree with Vicki. This IS a highly personal disease. It's important to learn everything that we can, to work closely with a competent doctor who takes the time to know us, to find the right medications and stay on them, and to do everything possible to stay healthy and well. And then it's crucial to move on--to get beyond the tedium of self-scrutiny, and to put to good use what we've learned from the illness. And if we have willing hearts and curious minds and patient spirits--and if we are very very blessed to have friends and loved ones to support us in the journey--this disease can teach us a great deal.

Because I have struggled, I feel blessed as a therapist. I have an immediate respect for people who consult with me--and perhaps more than that, I have an irrepressable hope in the possibility of getting well and finding meaning. I'm not naive about the power of mental illness, or about the reality that some people stay attached to their identities as sick people. But I believe that all our pain can teach us. But the gifts are there when we can find ways to claim them.

I believe quality of life is key. When one takes medication for mental illness the quality of life must be better than without the meds. If not, try someting else. We have to be self advocates.

absolutely. My quality of life is so much better while I'm on meds than if I weren't. I know that. I accept that. And, I deal with that. I don't let taking meds become the center of my life. And, I don't go blurting out to every tom, dick, and harry that I'm bipolar and must be treated "carefully". Hardly anyone knows. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want to be treated differently than everyone else. I realize there is a stigma with mental illness. I don't want to get caught up in it. I feel like I'm just like anyone else and want to be treated as such.

I share with my friends here because I feel like I can help someone with my experiences and knowledge. And, I feel comfortable enough to know that you won't be biased and apply stereotypes to me or my illness.

Thanks for everyones imput. I'm feeling very discouraged these days. My husband is so depressed and not wanting to go to work (he doesn't get paid if he doesn't go) I faxed a note to his Drs today hoping they can maybe change his meds around or something. He needs to learn how to live with this illness and not let it overtake him. I'm hoping his Dr. may want to see him before his next month appt. We're suppose to get tog. with friends for dinner so at least that will get him out of the house for a little while.. That's if he doesn't change his mind. He has to eat though. I do make sure he eats right and takes vitamins.. etc. besides his meds. I keep praying Lord help us... we just don't seem to be going up out of this desert experience right now.. Its getting really old!!!

Mammajude--when my daughter was first diagnosed, I was possessed with anxiety. I was running interference between her and the school, her and the doctor, her and the world. (She was a young adult.) I worried constantly about her safety and her health, then wondered: "Who else in the world knows about this kind of fear?" Somewhere within me, I got the response: "Families of alcoholics do. They know about feeling over-responsible and helpless and scared of the next crisis."

I attended a 12-Step group for awhile, and found a lot of strength and wisdom there. I learned a lot about living one day at a time, turning loose of the things I couldn't control, and detaching with love.

Bipolar people who are not in appropriate therapy behave a lot like alcoholics who are drinking. (When you think about it, they are under the influence of their own flawed brain chemistry). 12 Step groups are available in most every community. Al-Anon groups often don't want to admit people who are not struggling specifically with alcohol abuse in the family--but Co-dependents Anonymous might be a possibility. And your NAMI group might have a support group geared to the needs of family members of "noncompliant" (eg: untreated) people with Bipolar Disorder.

I so agree with what Vicki said. The stigma against mental illness is great, and it's important to be descrete about what gets shared with whom. The task isn't to claim any kind of special status in the world--it's to get balanced and realistic about what is needed in order to get on with the business of living. Mammajude, I hope you'll go out to dinner with those friends, whether or not your husband chooses to go with you. Sounds like you deserve a break!

Well last night my husband finally got some much needed sleep. His Dr. adjusted his meds again so we're hoping and praying that helps a lot. We went to dinner with our friends and went to our Home Fellowship group. He'll get out if I go with him. He also went back to work yesterday. Thank God. Just wish his bosse's boss would understand. He works for a Christian organization and this guy just doesn't get it and doesn't want to get it. He says things like "Does Tom still want his job" etc... He's the one who demoted my husband and took his benefits away. Nice guy, huh? Think theres a discriminatroy case there...don't you think? The reason he stays at the job is cuz its not a real stressful job. Its hard to find a job when your bipolar that can keep your stress levels down. We started reading together a book that "Unique" suggested for us to read called "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. Excellent book!!! I'm so glad the Lord lead you to tell us about this book. I recommend it for everyone to read!!!! Thanks so much!!!! I am taking care of myself. I'm taking a refresher class through NAMI called the Family to Family class. Its great. There is going to be a NAMI walk in San Diego coming up. We need to get the word out and STOP THE STIGMA OF MENTAL ILLNESS... Love you guys and thanks for your input...

Mamajude,
For your own heart, I hope you can forgive your husband's employer. Maybe he is simply stressed by his concern for your husband and for the company as a whole.
You need all of your energy for fighting your husband's disease. He is so very blessed to have you for a partner. It sounds as if you have taken on his illness with a vengance and you're not going to let go until it is beaten. With prayer and patience, I am sure you will win. Your patience and love is a blessing to us all.
smile

thanks Smile... I appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement. I try my best to be a good wife and support and Love my husband. It is very frustrating at times but I know with God's help we'll make it through..

I know if I were hurting as your husband is, I would pray to God to send me someone as thorough, kind, and tender hearted as you. What a blessing that would be. I would then know I could make it.

God bless you hon...JJ

Without my meds, I would have committed suicide. My medication and my therapist and you wonderful people keep me going. Thank you.

mamma, please be sure to take time for yourself too. Take a bubble bath, read a book, watch a funny movie, get together with some girlfriends, or whatever it takes to get some relief.

Sherri, having a wonderful support group makes a big difference. I agree, the women here are priceless. I too, am grateful for their existence.

Boy we sure need each other don't we? I am having some girl time tomorrow night hopefully. Looking forward to it a lot!!!
thanks and God Bless you all..

So, how was your 'girl-time' weekend? Did you get to relax and love yourself? Did you utilize the great suggestions from the BWS forum?

Tell it!

Hi gals,
I did have girl time. It was really nice. I did get some much needed rest too. Thank God. I'm working on knitting a new scarf
and reading a great book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. The Lord lead another gal on this website to recommend it to me. My husband is still anxious and somewhat depressed but I know the Lord is with us!

Mamma, let us know how you like the book. When you get through with that one I think you should pick up a fun fiction book that can help you escape. I love getting lost in book and movies. I just need more time to watch the movies. I pick up a book before I turn on the television.

Your so right.. I need to keep reminding myself to read a fun book to get my mind off all this other stuff... or watch a good movie. Does anyone like Janet Oakes Books? I love her "Love Comes Softly" Series.. I saw the first movie Michael Landon's son did on the Hallmark channel but I missed the second one "Love's Enduring Promise". Its suppose to come out on tape and DVD soon. I can't wait to see it. They are such great stories.. Love it..

What fortifies me is a good laugh. Lately,
my husband and I have been hooting at The Daily Show, the Comedy Channel's evening news parody. A nice reminder to be playful!

Mamma, I don't watch much television, so I'm not help with those movies.

Daphne, laughter is huge. That's one of the reasons I want to see more movies.

Mammajude, I saw both of them on the Hallmark channel. Simple little stories that just touch at the heart.

As for laughter.. Hubby and I spend some time laughing each day, (I think) - laughter is important for your health.

http://www.greatreporter.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=208

Vicki, great article. Sign me up for the laughter yoga class. Doesn't that sound like a wild idea?

Just read most of the entries in this thread. I was diagnosed as bi-polar 20 years ago. It runs in my family. (More on that below)

They put me on Prozac and Lithium. The Prozac made me worse and I attempted suicide. After that, I stopped the meds and started meditating, praying and using my writing as a tool to heal. I can now say that I am mentally better than I have ever been. I still have manic episodes and depression, but nothing like back then. I am however, what you might call a hermit. I do not like going out to mingle with people. I'd rather stay at home and write. And if I am manic, I can write better than when I'm not. I wouldn't suggest stopping meds though to anyone, without consulting your doctor first.

The hard thing to deal with is the reaction from society to mental illness. But I have found that some of the most creative and talented people are mentally ill.

Still, if you try to get a job now a days, and you write down that you are bi-polar, forget the job! Forget life insurance too, if you've ever attempted suicide. I would NEVER attempt suicide again, but I have been turned down for insurance.

My oldest child is also bi-polar and an alcholic. His illness caused him to get into some major trouble two years ago, and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I do hear through the grapevine that he stopped drinking and that he is trying to pay for what he did. The drinking combined with the illness, changed him from a loving son to a stranger that I don't know anymore. So to those who are trying to deal with a family member who is bi-polar, my heart goes out to you.

Just wanted to add my thoughts. Thanks for listening.

I have spent the last hour, reading different posts on different topics. I know I don't come here often, and I don't post often, but when I do post something, it seems like that thread ends up stopping. As someone with bi-polar, looking for friends and some encouragement, it it a little disheartening when no one responds.

I do love this place though. So many wonderful women with many fantastic stories to share. Blessings to you all.

Oh Charmer, please don't feel that way. I think what happens "sometimes" is that some of us read all the post, but maybe feel inadequate to respond. I know I read some post and think, "I wish I knew how to respond to that, but I just don't" and so I'll move on. Another factor is time. We all run out of it. There are days when I can post, post, post...then other days when I'm lucky to even find a moment to come here and read. Believe me, you are soooo welcome in this group, very much a part of it, and your words are taken to heart. Remember, even though a post may end with your comments, you never know when that very comment may be the one that helps another boomer. Maybe you have said it better than anyone else and there's simply no need for further comments. KEEP POSTING! I for one am very glad you are a family member here. Sure am.

JJ

I don't answer because I'm clueless about bi-polar. I'd just end up asking questions that seemed ignorant.

I'm sorry if you were hurt from the lack of response. I know I would never hurt you for any reason. Like JJ, sometimes I just read and don't answer but please know that we care about you and that you are loved.

wordcharmer, I wish there was something I could do to make sure every post gets a reply. Sorry, but I haven't come up with an answer to that because I want the replies to be from the heart.

Also know that their are MANY lurkers in these forums who take the seeds that are planted and run with them. You have planted many of those seeds. Find peace in knowing you are helping another just by your presence. I pray you feel uplifted by sharing and receiving information at BWS.

Also, I can't tell you the number of my posts that don't get responses. You are not the only one! It happens to all of us.

Hi wordcharmer, love your name.....I have brought several women into this forum and they dropped out because they felt they were being ignored...heck I have felt that way as well. I have even complained to a couple women that I felt I jinxed their posts by replying BUT alas it's not true and what JawJaw said is an accurate response. I probably post more than most #1 cause I work from home and am at the computer. #2 I am an opinionated person. I even go back and pull up old posts where only maybe one person or no-one replied to give it another chance. In the long run we all do what we can. Hang in there, keep posting we need many different takes on a subject...

First let me explain about my bi-polar at this stage in my life. I do not take medication. When I did, I almost died from a suicide attempt. I now try to control it with prayer and meditation and my writing. Most times it works, but sometimes it doesn't. This morning was just one of those bad times. I think I have been working too hard. That doesn't help. When I'm manic, I go 100 MPH until I crash, then I am so tired, I get depressed. I am just going to have to try slowing down when I get like that.

JawJaw, Diane, Dotsie and Chatty lady, thank you all for your kind words. Sometimes, just a reply that you are listening helps.

And Diane, there are no ignorant questions.

I'll try to join in more when I can. Please know that I think you are all a great bunch of women! Thank you all.

Hi Wordcharmer, I'm sorry about your post not getting any responses. I just found this post today. I wonder if it got buried. I appreciate that you shared about being bi-polar. I have some understanding of the illness. I was diagnosed depression/anxiety, which is of course not the same, but as I was studying D & A I also studied bi-polar. I'm so sorry to hear that you too attempted suicide. It's a sad state of affairs. And I feel badly about your son as a stranger to you, so much so that you have to hear about his whereabouts through the grapevine. Love and Light, Lynn

Hi wordcharmer, Like many of us here, I probably don't miss reading a post. I am guilty of not answering some posts because either I don't know how to approach the subject, or I move on to read the rest and don't get back to reply.

Sometimes I reply and before I hit the "add reply" I change my mind and delete it. Other times I reply and the previous poster doesn't reply back.

What I liked about your post was your honesty to say what was on your mind and let it be known. Some just go on their way never to be heard from again.

Just like in the real world of meeting people, there will be aquaintances who come and go. Then there'll friends that will last a lifetime. I think that same principle works here.

I cannot comment on your bi-polar but I have a deep interest in learning all about it. Just know...I will be listening.

Dotsie, I don't know if there is such a thing as a "Please reply", "Don't need reply" box that could be inserted where we could check it off to indicate. I think it would take away the genuinity(?) of replys but it is just a thought...maybe someone else has a good idea.

I try very hard to post back to prayer requests and new members welcome. Today I have to go to work so I cannot reply to any others. I had to reply to yours so you would know, Yes, you are important to me .

luv
chick

[ June 18, 2005, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: chickadee ]

chick, I don't know of a way to do that. I've done some research and the only way to be certain every post gets a reply is to have moderators of every forum. I feel funny asking women to moderate forums because I can't pay them to do so. I know it takes time, something many of us don't have.

Dotsie, allow me be the first to volunteer my services. I am not sure how it works but I would be honored to give something back to my Boomer community. I have gained so much from your site and would love to return the favor.

chick

Chick, thanks. I wasn't expecting this kind of response. The seed has been planted. Let me see how I can make it grow. I'm thinking about this differently now. I'll get back to you. WOW!

Dotsie,

Moderating a topic on a board is no big deal. Most of us check in every day anyways! you can count me in also! I'll moderate the "margaritaville" topic. (just kidding).

danita

Lynn, I think dealing with not having my son around is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to deal with emotionally. Even harder than being an abuse survivor. I even had to take his pictures off the wall. Can't even look at family albums! He is my first born and we use to be so close. It hurts so much, but I try to go one day at a time and put him out of my mind. Most of you would know how hard that is for a mom.

Chickadee, I use to be one of those that would go on my way. I am pretty shy, but have learned to say what's on my mind by doing my topic at Suite101.

Thanks again for your kind words.

[ June 19, 2005, 10:33 PM: Message edited by: wordcharmer ]

I will be happy to moderate a topic.
smile

Hi Wordcharmer, it's hard to measure one painful experience with another. Pain is pain. I am not a mother. For one reason, I was afraid to bring another child into a family of abusers and perpetrators. But I do understand how the estrangment from your son can be almost too much to bear. Love and Light, Lynn

I should have added, the most painful I have had to deal with as an adult. It took me over 35 years to heal from the pain of my childhood. Both events are traumatic, but emotionally, this seems harder. But I deal with things much differently now, than I did when I was a young woman. Back then, I was self-destructive and I let the past almost destroy me. Today, I find constructive ways to release my pain. So although the situation with my son is painful, I find can get through it with meditation, prayer and my writing.

Blessings Lynn.

Word, you may want to email chatty. She had to use tough love with one of her sons. As a result, she hasn't seen him in years. This is something she has shared occasionally in the forums.

Smile, chick, and danita, I will be in touch at the end of this week. Thanks so much for offering. I'm thrilled.

Wordcharmer, thanks for sharing on this sensitive subject. I wasn't trying to qualify your pain. I was just not minimizing pain in general. The last two sentences of your message I could have written myself. I too was self-destructive as a ramification of child abuse. I know that if I had had children I would have screwed up as a parent (not that I am suggesting you did!) The ramifications of abuse are infinite in one way or another. I'd say that one way I am still self-destructive is through negative self-talk which beats me up mentally. I'm working on it. Love and Light, Lynn

Wordcharmer -

I have been reading this thread from the beginning and have wanted to reply to your posts but I couldnt seem to find the words I wanted

I know your pain - from childhood to a son lost

I like to believe that when God closes a door - he opens a window -- and one day the sun is going to shine through that window with a warmth like you've never known before

You just have to believe

Hi Wordcharmer,
I too have been reading this thread from the beginning (I try to read every thread throughout the day) and was touched by your remark about not getting responses. I'm one of those people here who reads just about every posting, and care more deeply than you could ever imagine about every person here; and I take much of what gets said here and learn from it; I incorporate other people's experiences and wisdom into my own evolvement, and I take every request to prayer, and carry many of my sisters here in my heart throughout my daily activities (always hoping that the spirit deep inside of me is praying without ceasing even though I'm busy with mundane household tasks).

Your posts do matter, as do all postings and all posters here at BWS. I often wish I had something meaningful enough to say in response, but can't always fish it out of the brainfog that seems to be a constant companion of mine these days. Chronic fatigue renders me emotionally depleted, and some days I just can't find anything worthwhile in me to share.

But I'm still listening, still caring, still praying. And the one thing I've learned since coming here is that this is one enormous treasure trove of caring women. The healing spirit here is much like the "ebb and flow" of the ocean. Some days it's my turn to "flow" with wisdom and insight and eloquence. Some days it's my turn (as dictated by my fatigue and brainfog) to "ebb" and let others carry the flow. It's a wondrously healing tide of caring here, and I think that we can safely trust that when there's a lull in the conversation, it's not out of disinterest, but because people are thinking, praying, pondering how to respond, and often feeling inadequate or unable to respond with something profound enough to meet the poster's needs. I think we often hold back, hoping someone else with more expertise and wisdom on that area of woundedness might respond and then we can join in with our little tidbits of additional thoughts.

Maybe we should just respond with "I'm listening and I care", but I've learned in the past few months here that we can trust that the silence is FULL of listening and caring. And you can be sure that I'm one of those who is listening and caring and praying from within that silence...

Eagle, that was a beautiful response and I think you summed it up for all of us. Wordcharmer, I hope this helps!

JJ

Eagle, AMEN sister. Eloquent!

Yes jj, it sure does. I am overwhelmed by the compassion I see and feel here.

Dotsie, thank you for letting me know about chatty. I am using tough love. And it is tough on me too. He is the one who has chosen this. Not me. But if that's what he wants, I am not going to keep trying to coax him back into our lives. One day, he will see that we love him. I am praying that anyway.

Lynn, Lionspaw, Eagle Heart, thank you all for caring and the prayers.

I will be busy the rest of the week, as we are having our annual family picnic on Saturday. I invited my son and his wife, but I know they won't show up. There will be about 70 people, so I have to get busy. Lots of work to get ready. We have 5 acres, so there's plenty of room for the grandkids to play. I just pray it does not rain!

Oh, and we just had grandchild number 19 today! Sidney Elizabeth was born at 2:30 PM, weighing 8# 7 ozs, and 20 inches long! So I have many blessings to be thankful for!

Thanks again for all your caring and compassion. I will talk to you all on Monday.

Blessings

CONGRATULATIONS !!! I love her name - Sidney Elizabeth -- you must be thrilled !!

and yes, you truly do have many blessings to be thankful for

hope your family get together is a HUGE success - blowing blue skies and sunny days your way

Thanks lionspaw. Yes we are thrilled! We will go see her tonight when my husband Sid gets home.

Thanks for the good wishes too.

A family picnic makes me nostalgic. My family is either dead or scattered all over the country. We used to have them all the time in NM when I was growing up but gosh, that's been years ago. I hope you have a wonderful time.

Dianne, why don't you have your own picnic! Invite your neighbors or co-workers. Just a thought.

We will have a wonderful time, even if it does rain or is so hot that the food may become toxic! Lol! Guess I might have to keep the food in the house if it is in the 90's! Lol!

See you next week. Hugs!

Dianne, why don't you go to a retired citizens home and take some ladies on a picnic, kinda like Chatty does. I bet it will be so rewarding. I need to do something like that too.

Word, just don't eat the furry green stuff.

chick

Lol chick! Do you mean the green stuff called Fluff with pistachios in it? Or do you mean the green fur that evolves after food sits in the sun too long?

Our picnic was a success! 50 people out of 70 showed up. No rain! Just 93 and miserably humid! We kept the food inside with the air conditioner on high.

My nephew is a DJ who does karaoke, so we had a blast singing! Then my daughter Jamie's boy friend got up and sang "their" song and came out with the microphone and asked her to come up to the stage. He then proceeded to get down on one knee and he proposed to her! They kissed and she said yes, then he put the ring on her! It was a special surprise for all of us. We were all blubbering! Lol!

The picnic ended at midnight with a few fireworks, and lots of left overs, as I think the heat stopped people from eating too much! Oh well, we are having left overs this week! Lol!

We will do it all again next year. We don't go on many vacations, so the money we save, we spend on this. Anyway, we had a grand time!

I've been thinking of that, Chick. As soon as it cools down.

Wordcharmer, what a wonderful time. I wish I could've been there and eaten, laughed and cried with all of you.

Wordcharmer, what fun. So you're planning a wedding? Tell us more!

Thanks Dianne. You would have been welcomed!

The wedding date has not been set yet Dotsie. They are going on a Carribean cruise in August, but no mention of a date yet.

She and my other daughters and one girlfriend, are getting together here for a July 9th campout for our "Sisterhood of The Divine MaMas" group. We'll probably talk about it then. Oh, and I am the Supreme MaMa! Lol! We will have a blast! We are all suppose to wear something outlandish, including hats! We'll have a bonfire that we will sing and dance around too. Hopefully, under a full moon!