Relaxing?

I want your help?

My feet hit the floor between six and seven. Today is Saturday and I was at Wal*Mart by 7:20. Ross works Saturday mornings 'til noon because he is off Wednesdays so Iuse Saturday mornings to run some errands. Today I've walked for an hour and 20 minutes with a friend, prayed, gardened, shopped with my daughter for a graduation dress and shoes, visited Dad, gardened some more, went to the florist for some flowers, food shopped, took some pamphlets to a friend, answered some emails, called my son who is living out of town, helped hubby fix dinner (we grilled), walked into town with hubby tonight for dessert, did laundry, and I'm sure I've forgotten a couple little things. This is crazy, but this is what my days are like. I must like to be busy. I rarely watch televesion. I love to read. I take showers in the morning and baths at night.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I have a hard time relaxing. And as I get older, I really want to relax more. I want to plunk myself in a chair and doze if I feel like it without feeling like I should be doing something.

Do any of you have a hard time relaxing when there is work to be done?

It's hard for me to snuggle up to a book this time of year when I know there is gardening to be done. Also, there's always laundry or something that needs to be straightened.

How do you relax? Help...

Dotsie,
I read with a glass of milk that helps to relax you or a cup of camille tea . Listen to CD called "Zen" music or "Spa" music . I purchased at G&R story at Hunt Valley . Sometimes a half a glass of red wine . I have trouble I jump up and down off the sofa at night , I never sit still very long . I sleep well at night though .

[ May 28, 2006, 02:04 AM: Message edited by: Renee ]

Dotsie......
Now that I have my house on the market, it has to stay clean all the time.
I just straighten up every day, such as sweep flrs, vacuum, etc.
This takes about 15 minutes!
I'm not as busy as I used to be because my knee is in bad shape.(orthopod on Tues.)
I'm going crazy because I don't have anything to do!!!
I went over to my friends today, and cleaned her house for her because she has a bad back.
My knee was killing me, but boy did I have fun.
I'm no help, am I????
Just like you seem to find time to keep busy, you need to find that time to relax.
I think that sounds pretty simple, but trying to apply it is another thing.
Good luck.....
Lynne

We do it to ourselves, Dotsie. I know my good friends could care less what condition my house is in, but if I know they are coming over - gotta clean till it shines!

When the kids were little, I used to try to relax with a book while they were napping. But if my hubby came home then, I'd jump up and run around being busy, busy, busy. It was like I couldn't let him see me relax after he'd been at work all day. I guess I didn't realize working part time, taking care of the kids, shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc was work too.

But I learned that he didn't care if I relaxed; in fact, he encouraged it. Turns out he likes me better when I'm a little more relaxed, and I like myself better too.

My house isn't as clean, and I've got plenty of weeds, but I read an entire book yesterday! (Although I should have done some walking like you did)

Sometimes, I have to fight off the guilt while I relax, especially if my hubby's doing yard work and I'm not. But then I remember that I contribute just as much as he does - in time, not necessarily money.

Hey, maybe you can read some good books to review for this site - then you can relax and work at the same time. Gotta start somewhere! Good luck...

Kathy

It was my last breakdown that forced me to "learn" how to relax. I had no choice. Chronic fatigue left me immobilized and unable to do anything at all for days at a time. It was frustrating and painful at first, and I actually had to relearn how to measure my self-worth by "being" instead of by my "doing".

Now that the fatigue isn't as devastating as back then, I'm getting busier - BUT, I still operate on a limited energy reserve which forces me to sit still and relax, and not always at the best timing!

Relaxing, learning to just "be" and be okay with just "being" is a lesson that was painful and difficult to learn, but I'm glad for it now. It's still hard to teach others (hubby included) about my need to pull back and re-energize myself through quiet "down" time, but I feel much healthier and well-balanced now than I have for the past 15 years of my life (which at times were much too hectic for my stability and mental health!)

Relaxing is hard when you feel guilty that you should be doing something else.

It's a major life change. It has to start out small at first, don't try to make a huge change at once. Take a few minutes out of the day for yourself. Set a timer and read for fifteen minutes. Then, move the timer up after a few days and read for thirty minutes. It'll take some getting used to and at first you'll probably watch the clock. But, after awhile, you'll start to relax and enjoy the time you spend reading.

If you don't want to read, maybe do crafts or something, use the timer idea for that. Eventually, you'll be able to relax without setting a timer.

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. Last night I read and watched Desperate Housewives. I left the dishes in the sink, flip flops on the floor, did no laundry, and chilled. It felt good, but I have my work cut out for me this morning. I need to delegate to the kids more. There's no reason they can't pick up, do laundry or the dishes, but because I've always been a stay-at-home Mom, I've always done most of the chosres. Probably not the best thing for my kids.

But here's my problem...I love to garden, visit Dad, shop with my daughter, work, etc. That's why I keep so busy. What I don't like to do is the housework. I'm sick of mopping, laundry, dishes, food shopping, picking up, etc. I think my empty nest is coming just in time!

Thanks for your help. I'm open to other suggestions. But I think my revelation is delegate!

I hate to burst your bubble, Dots, but those chores don't end when the kids leave. There just isn't "as much" as before.

I hired a housecleaner for one day a week but I'm not really thrilled with her. I feel that I do better than her and that isn't bragging, just a fact. I'd rather pay myself for what I already do.

Dots, I know what you mean about leaving the dishes in the sink - they're still there later so it feels good to get them done and out of sight so you can relax.

Yes, delegation is good. I made up a list for my kids that's posted on the fridge. At first, they would wait till the end of the day to work on their chores (trash, dishes, etc) - but that didn't work for me. I hated having it a mess during the day.

So now, they have to do their chores BEFORE they get on the computer or watch tv, etc. Of course, school days are a little different, but hey - summer is coming and I'll have a couple of months of better help.

The kids also used to leave their dirty clothes and damp towels on the bathroom floor, when the hamper was just around the corner in my bedroom. Now we have a note posted that says "Dirty clothes on floor equals no computer time". Works!

Glad you got to relax last night! Did you enjoy it?
Kathy

You know, when the kids were little, they had chores. I'm not sure why we stopped that. Now I typically just ask them to do something when I need their help. Truth be known, I rarely ask for their help. And I know that's my problem.

Dianne, you're right, but I will have so much less laundry. I can't wait.

We also have a woman who cleans every other week. She does a great job. She's been with us since our youngest was born. But I'm one of those women who straightens for the cleaning lady. Her job is to clean, not pick up. So we always pick up the night before she comes.

As far as relaxing goes, I thought lots about it this weekend and decided I must just love to keep busy. However, I am going to work at stopping everything by 7:00PM this summer and really try to do nothing other than read, play cards, talk to friends on the phone, and other relaxing activities. Do any of you stop al chores at a certain time of the day? I am typically still doing laundry at 10:00 some nights.

I'm usually asleep by 10; not much of a party animal, huh?

I think we stop giving the kids chores as they get older because they're gone at school all day and then have homework and activities in the afternoon/evening.

When I can afford it, I have someone come in to clean, and I straighten for her too. The kids just don't get that part, but I'm with you - she's there to clean not figure out where to put all our junk that's laying around.

I don't stop chores at any certain time. I'm usually up by 5:30 weekdays, and by 7 weekends. I try to do the basic straightening and throw a load of laundry in, then get to work at my computer. (It's hard for me to concentrate on work if the house is a disaster)

I love to keep busy too, and actually feel like I haven't accomplished anything if there's nothing visible to show for it. (My day must be productive!) I've recently spent hours online and researching things for the Rick and June series - yet there's nothing tangible to show for it. That kind of makes me feel like it's a waste of time, even though I know it's something that needs to be done.

We used to play cards with friends; spades, hearts, rummy... haven't done that in awhile -seems everyone is too busy.

Kathy, we have so much in common. Have you always stayed home with the kids?

Maybe if you print some of your research you will have something to show for it. You will never be sorry for the time you are spending researching. I spent about a year researching and planning the BWS site before launching it, but it was time well spent.

What types of things are you researching? Perhaps some of us can help.

I worked full time until I was 29, and then I had my first son. At that time, I used my connections from my previous work to set up some part-time work that I could do at home for a real estate agency.

Then I worked part time for a local newspaper, and my mother-in-law took care of Sean for about 15 hours a week. Just enough to keep me sane and bring in a little money.

When my second son was born (I was 34) I decided to stay home and not work at all. Well, one year later I was so ready to use my brain again. Not that you don't use your brain with babies, but playing legos and reading stories all day were not completely fulfilling!

I loved being able to be around when my kids were young; I feel very fortunate.

We moved to Hawaii in 1995 for my husband's work, and I didn't work over there at all. So I got involved with the Community Center and did storytime with crafts for the kids (Ryan was 3 by then) and I set up a toy lending library, etc. Like I said, I have to keep busy.

While we were there, I decided I wanted to continue to work from home when we returned, so I invested in some software and taught myself how to use photoshop, Quark (page layout program), and then eventually Dreamweaver (website program).

My business idea I came back with didn't pan out, but everything I'd learned came to the rescue when my neighbor needed a CD made. Back then, that was tricky stuff! Once I made that for his company, I had leads for more and more work. I've been doing graphics and building websites since we returned in 1997.

Wow, I don't know if you wanted this much info or not! It's amazing how much we share when we're online, huh?

I'll use the next message for my research on Rick and June....

Kathy

What have I been researching?

1. Do I stay as a sole proprietor or do I incorporate? ($800 min annual fee in CA)

2. If I incorporate, how do I structure the company to get the best tax benefits?

3. Trademark searches and filings (got this figured out)

4. Gift shows and trade shows: how does the wholesale gift trade work? what do I need to do to prepare for a large gift show?

5. Unique ways to market my gift book series

6. Other designs for the cover; I want to jazz it up somewhat, while still keeping the old Dick and Jane feel

7. New printers (not happy with my old one), waiting for quote from someone I met at BEA now

8. How to generate buzz and get the most press

9. Related products for each book. (like I've got the Wicking Sleepwear for the Hot Flash book, etc)

10. Insurance - how much do I need? Liability, inventory, etc

11. Displays for my series

And the list goes on.... And yes, I've printed lots of it out - I have a stack on my desk about six inches high with printouts, catalogs, ideas pulled from magazines, etc.

Phew! Bet you're sorry you asked!!

Kathy,
Don't forget to take advantage of your membership with NABBW and ask legal questions of our resident lawyer...plus there may be other associates there who can help provide answers to some of your questions!

JJ