Husbands progress or lack of

Hi, I just started posting again recently. Its funny how you get busy and forget to post or look online for stuff. As some of you know my husband suffers from Bipolar Disorder. He's been on meds and has been stable for quite some time now. Thank God. The problem is that he isn't motivated to do too much. He is on disability, so he isn't working. He feels like he is not ready to go back to a job and may never be able to. He will do stuff around the house if I ask him to. Just can't cook.. DARN IT>>> But there is always hope right? ha ha. I don't expect too much from him but I feel that he could be doing even better if he'd get involved with something.. even volunteering. I keep praying about it. I won't bug him about it.. TOO MUCH.. ha ha. Its just that I go to work everyday and do things with friends and I wish he'd do the same.. but that's unrealistic at this point...
thanks for listening...

For what it's worth, I was/still am in a similar situation as your husband. I'm not bipolar, but had a massive breakdown involving severe depression in 2002. Although I've been stable for almost 2 years now (my brother's death two months ago hit me hard but I already know that I'm going to weather that grief without spiralling down), I'm still not able to work. It took me about 2-3 years before I even felt like I was on solid ground; then I went through severe anxiety and couldn't even go outside my front door for days at a time. It was this place and the women here who helped me find the courage and healing I needed to get out that front door.

Now I'm able to get out and about on my own, but only within close proximity if I'm alone. I've often felt like I should be able to get out there and get more involved, maybe do some volunteering. But the reality is that I just don't have the emotional/mental stamina to do too much. For example, if I have a really busy couple of days in a row, I have to have a day to recuperate and recharge my batteries. It's just the way it is with me right now, and I've had to accept that those are my limitations. I'm slowly stretching those limitations, and someday hope to get to the stage where I can volunteer for even one day a week. But for now, my energy/stamina just isn't reliable enough to commit to anything.

I don't know if that helps at all - I've tried to explain it to others, but unless you've "been there" it's impossible to fully understand. It's as if there is a huge block of cement in my gut that's been there for most of my life. Therapy, drugs, prayer, Tai Chi, massage therapy, living life at my own pace and sheer determination have helped me to learn how to live with that block (I would also describe it as chronic sadness & chronic fatigue), but nothing has ever been able to move or remove it. The official term for me is dysthemia (chronic depression). I would suppose that people with bipolar must be prone to that "block" as well. It really makes it difficult/impossible to enjoy life to its fullest.

I've prayed, I've begged, I've pushed myself beyond that block in the hope that if I act as if it's not there, it will disappear...but I've learned the hard way that pushing myself beyond my limitations too much too soon just breaks me down again.

It took my husband many years to understand, and I don't think he ever will be able to fully understand. But he's learned to trust me and know that I'm not being deliberately "lazy" or unmotivated - I really do WANT to not feel this way, but I can only be who I am on any given day and work with whatever stamina level I wake up with each morning. So he knows now not to push me to go any faster or further, or else we both pay the cost in even less stamina further down the road.

Sorry for the long-winded response. It's just that I can really identify with your husband, and hope that by sharing I might help just a little bit.

Dearest Eagle, new friend Jam,

If you read the post about my "revealing something," you'll know that I suffer from depression, too. Actually, I have the exact same diagnosis as does Eagle.

Jam, Eagle is correct when she says that if you haven't been there, you can't understand how this feels.

I do work, but was home for three years following a deep depression triggered by the loss of my dad and my best friend. Dad suffered from bi-polar and went for most of his life without care. When he sunk into a deep depression, one day I got a phone call.

"Dear," said my dad, "how do you do this?" Then my dad started crying. He could talk with me because he knew I would understand. My mother would keep saying, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," or "snap out of it."

Dad eventually got the right meds and was stable until cancer took his life.

Eagle sent me her book, which I read non-stop throughout the night. I'd say that of all of the books I've read - books written by people suffering from depression or bipolar, that Eagle's book most closely describes the life of someone challenged by these conditions. ((((Eagle))))

I'm going to end this post know, because for some reason, if my post is too long, this site won't let me post it.

Will get back with you, Jam, later today. (((((Jam))))

Love,
Emily in Maryland