Need some advice....

I never knew this forum was here. I've read through some of the posts and am very touched (but not at all surprised) by the understanding and compassion shown. So I'd like to ask some advice.

I have a young friend who has (by his own admission) been suffering from depression for years. He has been to a doctor before, but nothing good came of it.

After the last few very nasty weeks, he was finally convinced to see another doc. She now has him on Lexapro, Zoloft, and Ambien. It's too early to see any benefits yet. He's much more subdued and sluggish, and I know that's why he didn't want to be on meds, trying to function while feeling like a zombie.

After reading about the drugs, it is terrifying to see that a friend or family member should closely monitor the person for the first few days/weeks because suicidal tendencies can be magnified. I'm not sure he has that kind of support at home so I've offered to be available if needed (another friend has done the same). It's not much, but it's all we can do.

Another question is, how do you deal with a person in the midst of a real crisis? The past few weeks have been hell for me and his other close friend, as nothing we said or did seemed to help. I suppose I should have realized what was going on and done alot of reading and research online, but I truly had no idea it was as bad as it is.

I was depressed some years ago, after my mother died (and my hubby decided he didn't want to be married anymore), so I well understand the feelings of hopelessness and not wanting to be on this earth anymore. I somehow managed to "snap out of it" over time without any help, but now know I should have sought help and I am very lucky to still be here.

Today, while at work, a college student took a dive from the top of a 5-story parking garage. I never knew this was so widespread and greatly regret having my head in the sand for so long. I'm sure there are others I could have tried to help along the way, but didn't because I didn't understand.

Any insight will be greatly appreciated.

Whirlwind

Hi Whirlwind. This really is a great group of women and very supportive.

How old is your young friend? If he's in his teens or even early 20s I'm highly surprised that the doctor put him on that many meds. It really is counter-indicated for young people based on studies that have been done. That's why the person needs to be closely monitored.

The highest suicide rate is for men around the age of 72. My father committed suicide at the age of 70. The next highest age is 18. My older son attempted (and did not succeed, thank God) at the age of 18.

It really does take a lot out of you to deal with a person in crisis. It's a daily affair, if not hourly. Is there anyone else that can help you?

Some of my coaching clients have come to me with depression. Some are tired of trying drugs because they make them feel like they are surreal. Others are having "situational" depression, which sounds more like what you experienced. In other words, there is a reason for the depression and therefore a way out of it more easily than for the person who feels like there is no way out of the depressed thoughts in their mind.

Having someone else to talk things over with, a close friend, clergy, therapist, coach, someone....is a really important step, I believe. We each have our way of looking at the world that seems rational to us. The problem is that we are stuck in our circuits. Other possibilities don't occur to us. It takes someone outside of our own head to help us see them.

So my suggestion would be to talk about life's possibilities with the young man and get more help.

In spirit,
Casey

Suicide freaks me out. We also had someone take a dive from a condo complex a few blocks away this summer. I heard she was in her 402 and found out her cancer was back. It breaks my heart to hear these things.

Kudos to you for being his friend. You are making a tremendous difference in his life, but your worry and concern are healthy.

I heard this is a good book, but I haven't read it yet. My MIL suffered from depression and so did my mom, especially in her empty nest. Both were on anti-depressants which is important, but it is also important to be in therapy to help better understand the depression.

Was your friend put on all three meds at the same time? Is that common? I don't know, but it seems a little over the top because how do you know what medicine is working and what isn't?

I never got arond to reading this book, but I heard it's a good one.

How You Can Survive When They're Depressed

It's a book for the caregivers who need to remember to take care of themselves. Please keep us posted on your friend.