Ho, Ho, Ho Boy!

Here we go again...I'm curious to know if there are any others out there who suffer with the Holiday Blues and how you cope through this season. Years ago I was treated for depression and my wonderful counselor gave me some good tools to use in my own battle with this annual beast. I was surprised to get my invitation to dance with the devil again this week but I was armed and ready. I know I'm not the only one and the more I talk to people the more I recognize that we are legion. Many, Many of us struggle. If you are one of us I'd appreciate your input about how you make it through this season and how you help your friends make it through too.

Nan Fitz, I used to get the holiday blues but no more. I donot bake eight different kinds of cookies. I buy them. My kids are grown so after they go to bed I put their unwrapped gifts under the tree. There are so many other ways to cut down on the stress. I found that cutting out the excessive rich holiday foods also really improved my mood. Think about it. You're eating all this wonderful, rich stuff that you normally don't eat then after the holidays are over you stop eating it. I have read too that this is true. At least it is for me.

We started cutting back on all the presents last year. Now, we draw names and set a limit on the amount spent.

If, at all possible I order a Christmas ham or turkey from Heavenly Ham, and leave the cooking to them.

Use to try and make several different kinds of cookies...now I stick to 7 layer, the kids favorite.
If, I need more they are store bought.

Try and get my shopping done early in Nov., I'm not much on crowds

When I get over taxed and really don't want to do something...I just say NO.

So, what are your tools, Nan Fitz ???

I try being less busy and staying closer to home, I let the people come to me. I now enjoy a quiet holiday at home just looking at the lights on the small 4ft. fake tree I put up, no more pine needles for me and on and on. I guess the word RELAX kind of says it all...The holidays don't have to mean 'stress.'

Oops sorry nearly forgot, welcome Nan Fitz so glad to meet you...

[ November 16, 2005, 10:19 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Nan Fitz:
First.....Welcome!
I start my depression when the clock falls back, and the days get shorter.
I bought a "Mood Light" at Costco last year, and boy does it work!!!!
I now use it all the time, not only during the dark days.
I've also had a lot of the seasonal stuff taken off back shoulders by my great daughters. The yougest does Thanksgiving, and the oldest does Christmas. It's so much easier on them with the grandsons to have the Holidays at their homes. Plus I was told I did my time, and now it's their time. Can't help but love those two wonderful daughters!
Lynne

Sounds like we all use some of the same strategies. My counselor taught me to recognize the beast (depression) before it really had a chance to take over my life. Then he taught me to take care of myself with diet, exercise and plenty of sleep. I had to work through giving up the role of "Super Mom of Christmas" like you all have done, by sorting out the stressors from the joys and making the holiday season my own. I come from an alcoholic family so the ghosts of Christmas past would haunt me every year until I learned how to put those beasties to bed. I still struggle with some siblings and their expectations but overall I'm about 98% better than I used to be, PTL! I appreciate your input, ladies, because I still have many friends and family members who bottom out at this time of year. I try to apply everything I've learned to help these buddies get through this crazy season. Thank you all!

I was a victim of the "super mom at Christmas" syndrome for a lot of years. Then a few years ago, I realized I was not enjoying it anymore, so I cut way back. To be honest, I don't think anyone really noticed or cared.

Holiday time is much simpler and less stressful now.

NHJackie, I felt I wasn't enjoying it anymore too. It's still nice but not the extreme picture perfect thing anymore. No one here has cared or noticed either...long as they don't have to do it! LOL!!!

I love it! Isn't it funny the way that works? Here's a quote for you, "Christmas Oxymoron: What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?" Thanks for the smiles!

I'm trying to find my Christmas joy. I was the biggest kid in the world, couldn't sleep waiting for the holidays. I lost my brother a few days before Christmas 02 (suicide)and as hard as I try it's like I have a hole where my heart use to be...but I'm workin on it. I have to keep my mind on the reason for the season.

For some reason the Christmas Blues struck me today...this is my first Christmas without my parents...although my Mom died more than 6 years ago my Dad just passed in Feb..from the day my mother died I took care of my father ..I never wanted him to feel alone...but now...at this time of year...I really really miss my Mom...she was my best friend...and we always had such a great time around the Holidays...everything I touched today reminded me of her..and I feel so lonely now....I wish I could just fast forward my life somehow and have it be spring....I know I'm so blessed with a wonderful husband and loving children...but ...I'd really love to have just one more cup of tea with my Mother....maybe I'll take Lynne's advice and buy a Mood Light....

Deb and Avalon, my Mom passed away on Christmas Day. I decided that I would use this date to dedicate it to my Mom and I spend the whole day, reminiscing and walking down Memory lane with her. There was no friend like Mom. Never will be. I share a cup of coffee with her, share my meals and talk MOH's ear off about her.He loves to hear it year after year. They never met, but Mom would be tickled that 'we' did. Mom's pooped by the time our day ends.
Avalon, my prayers that you find your way of celebrating with you Mom, she is up there with many Moms. Special Invite her to your home and walk down memory lane any day. I appreciate how you are feeling. How do you connect with her now?
Deb, how do you cope with the loss of your brother? I cannot imagine what it does to a sibling...or a Mother. Prayers for you. Prayer for all who find it tough this time of year. God Bless you all.
chick

Chick,
That is a wonderful way to remember your Mom. I am going to suggest this to the family. We lost my SIL last Dec. 23 (and my FIL just 6 weeks later. He had a stroke while telling his doctor about losing his daughter. Just heartbreaking.) Christmas is going to be rough this year.
No one feels right celebrating or decorating.

Chick...thanks for including me in your post..you sound like you have such a healthy attitude in dealing with the loss of your beloved Mother...I , on the other hand, haven't been able to reach that healthy place yet...I talk to my mother in my head all day long ,but instead of feeling comfort, I only miss her more...she was always my safe place to land, my touchstone...I am praying constantly for acceptance and inner peace with it..I have to trust and believe it will come...

Chickadee,
Initially I was numb and devastated. Our father had died only 7 months earlier (Alzheimer's) but my brother's suicide was like living a nightmare. We were only three years apart and we had spent every day together the last three years of his life as we helped look after our dad.
You simply have to take it one day at a time and when you are strong enough you reach back and help someone else who is at the beginning of their survivor journey. I served as a suicide survivor online monitor for two years. Only in the past year have I been able to think of him and remember the good times and his big smile. All things are possible one day at at time.

I hate to hear of the sadness some must endure during a time that is suppose to be a festive time. Right now we are worried about my brother who is in a deep dark place mentally, saying his whole useless life has been nothing more than simply taking up space and waiting to die. For anyone to be in such a terrible state is beyond my comprehension. Bless you all.

[ December 04, 2005, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I realize today that one thing I was missing was the smell of a Christmas tree. We have a really pretty artificial but I miss the scent of pine. We bought pine roping and have draped it over every doorway. Awwwwwww, now it's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas!

Chatty......you make my day with your wonderful sayings.
"Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground."
Right now, I'm only a nut. And I mean that literally!! But.......I will sprout my limbs pretty soon.
I feel them wanting to spurt out.
Lynne

Lsmith, you are moving in the right direction. Before you know it they will sprout and you will continue you the path with more growth. Before you know it you'll be the might oak.

chatty, it breaks my heart to think of your brother being so down during this season. I always pray for the healthy to reach out and help the sick. May he be surrounded by healthy people who can move his clouds.

Deb, reaching back and helping those who experience our past pain is one of the reasons we endure hard times. Don't you think?

Deb, our tree is smelling mighty piney right now. One of my kids favorite books at Grand-dads was The Sweet Smells of Christmas. It was a scratch and sniff!

Blondi, keep talking. Do whatever you need to move through the grieving process. The time will come when you realize you are talking with her less and less. For now, revel in it and don't worry about it. We all grieve differently.

That sounds wonderful Suzieq and hopefully your spirit will soar as high as your voices...Put up your tree and have a few friends in for snacks and good cheer, it does help, really it does...

Dotsie and all my brother Vincent is doing so much better, His seizures have subsided with the new medication and his spirits seem to be getting better. I sent him a soft beautiful throw for his bed filled with bright colors and a soaring Eagle, he collects eagles. My mother said he was moved to tears and he loves it.

Suzieq, your choir sounds like it's just what you needed. What a wonderful time of year to find this!

Chatty, I am delighted to hear the good news about your brother.

Suzieq, sounds as if you wandered into just the right spot...glad you found a renewing of your faith.
We all fight depression from time to time....it helps to be around friends to see you through.

Chatty, glad to hear Vincent is doing so well....will continue to add him in my prayers. What a blessing for you and your mom.

Chatty, I too am really happy to hear your brother Vincent is doing much better. That in itself is a wonderful gift for Christmas.

Chatty, I am so glad to hear your brother is better. What a gift for your whole family. Especially your mother.

Prayers answered.
smile

Suzieq, sounds like you might have been led there. One of those Godincidences? For whatever reason, I'm very happy you've found this.

Chatty, I'm with the other ladies. This is really good news! Prayers are continuing!

JJ

suzieq, I believe this was divine timing for you. I love this story. It's beautiful, especially at this time of the year.

chatty, what a thoughtful gift!

I am dealing with depression for the Holiday's The first time this year. My Husband didn't work that much this year, My cat died on us, had arguements with family members about certain subject and being away and in another state as my family. Plus, My one sister last month didn't send me a Birthday card and the other sister didn't send me a Christmas card last year. I am glad that many cared enough to send me a Christmas card Thanks to whomever send me one.

I'm sorry you're depressed. Christmas can be difficult for some people for different reasons but know that you are loved and cared about on this site.

Okay now MyangelinheavenEve, think of it this way, maybe your sisters were remiss in forgeting your special days but your new Boomer sisters are thinking of you and have sent you their love through their cards. As far as your kitty cat goes, you now have an Angel kitty watching over you. I also am short in the pockets this year but manage to make things for people, cookies and such that are not expensive. I have found that if there is love in your home that is decoration enough sometimes. Your husband is there for you and maybe a new cuddly kitten from a shelter woould bring you joy as well. You have your health and we all sincerely care about you so make the most of what you do have and try to forgive those not as thoughtful as you are. I shower people like that with kindness and love and its amazing but it eventually it does come right back to me.
Merry Christmas & Blessings!

[ December 14, 2005, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

myangel, have you tried making a list of your blessings? Perhaps this will point out some of the things you have to be thankful for. I in no way want to ignore your depression. Just thik we need to do this sometimes to take our mind off the negativity.

Have you reached out to your sisters? Perhaps there has been some misunderstanding that you aren't aware of.

Please come here when you need a lift...

Holidays are a time when many of us get nostalgic for many reasons. I try to concentrate on the many blessings we have and not let other things get me down. I lost my dad one November, many years ago, whe I was a child. Life's never been the same. But my mother's positive attitude amidst the circumstances, have taught me lessons that I will not forget as long as I live.

No matter how hard our days have been, the Lord has not forsaken us.

Also, trying to help someone else, usually works wonders to get our minds off of deppresing thoughts.