Another Rug Pulled Out

I'm numb. something just happened that has completely rocked my world and pulled the rug out from under my feet. (it's not health-related...those results come in next week). This is something I'm (again) not at liberty to explain.

Please, I don't know what to do or who to talk to. This is so devastating, I can't even begin to express how much this is going to rip my world into pieces. please pray. i don't know where else to go right now.

Eagle, of course!

Praying now and will continue to as long as it is necessary Eagle. I was going to call you today but don't have your phone number. If you PM me the number I will call you tomorrow, it's free calling for me anywhere in the world so never worry about the cost. Hang in there and stay strong.

Seems so sad that there is no one to share with.
confidential sharing is often helpful due I believe to giving voice to our fears..
be asssured that I send concerned love and know also I am just at the end of a PM here.

Eagle, praying for courage, guidance, wisdom, and peace of mind. Praise God for internet friends who need no explanation.

You are loved no matter what rocks your world!

How are you today?

I'm surprised I'm still in one piece. My heart feels like it's shattering into a million little pieces. I still don't know what to do with what's been thrown at me, but at least your prayers have calmed my spirit and helped me to just breathe through this, one step at a time. And it's the weekend, so nothing can be done until Monday anyway. SO I just keep trying to stay calm, and do the normal daily things that have to be done, try to keep my mind away from that wasteland of what has to be dealt with and gone through. Your prayers have helped. There's so much to this, such sad and life-changing ripple effects. There are some moments when I'm not sure I'm up to it, but like I said, I just keep breathing through one hour at a time.

Hi Eagle,

Adding my prayers to everyone else's and I agree, please just keep breathing, that's the spirit!

Anne

honestly, I don't know what i would do without BWS. I just want to scream, run away, anything so as not to deal with this. You all are rippling light into my wasteland, and your prayers are helping me to lift my head and continue breathing through. Thank you.

Eagle Heart, I'm sorry for your grief and I understand your wanting to run away. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

I don't know what your situation is, Eagle, but I so understand that feeling! Have been feeling like that for a couple of weeks now, ready to explode, wanting to scream my head off. But that would just scare the dogs, so I just breath in and out and try to remember that this too shall pass.

Thank you everyone! It helps to know that others care. This too shall pass...everything does eventually, doesn't it.

There is one silver lining rippling through, though some may find it uncomfortable to hear me mention this. I'm sharing for the sake of those who have known me, read my book, and/or are familiar with my background. For over 40 years I have struggled with 'suicide thinking'. For much of my life, it has always been an option, sometimes the first option. It's always been there, a teeny tiny whisper in the back of my mind, a sort of escape route. I decided a long time ago that it was not nor ever would be the answer for me, but that has never stopped those thoughts from haunting me all of these years.

I need to share here, that this is the FIRST major devastating situation I've had to deal with where "ending it all" has NOT even entered my mind as an option! I realized that today, that I've contemplated leaving, going on a long trip, moving, curling up in bed, screaming...but not once have I heard even a tiny whisper of that old thinking.

That is a MAJOR breakthrough for me. I've been working for a very long time on silencing those whispers and changing my mindset - I've been flinging LIFE into those patterns of thinking. In the midst of this pain and emotional distress and life upheaval, this is a brilliant breakthrough, and cause for celebration.

With all of my heart, I finally know that "I WANT TO LIVE"

Wow, Eagle, that is great, and quite an accomplishment. You are doing something right if it's working that well.

So glad to hear it, Eagle. I don't know what has knocked you back, but with that strength and will, I can only feel you will come out on the other side of this. I feel better just reading this and hope you do as well. Tomorrow is another day: onward and upward. I'll be thinking good thoughts of you.

Somewhere in the past year, I was finally able to put together wisdoms and readings and inspirations from throughout my journey over the past few years and believe now, with every fibre of my being, that as long as we're breathing, we're meant to still be here. That every morning when we wake up, we wake up because we're meant to live that day, that there's still a purpose to our lives, and that it's a new day, a new chance to learn whatever it is we're meant to be learning, and to do whatever we're meant to be doing.

It has been empowering. Even if I go to bed disappointed in myself, or the way I lived that day, I know that if I wake up tomorrow morning, I get the chance to do it right, to learn it better, to love more, to make more of a positive difference in the world and in the lives I'm allowed to touch throughout the day.

It's that belief, plus a profound sense of the tender compassion of God who is very patient and understands why it takes so long for us humans to "get it", that has made the difference. I believe that that's what has silenced the life-long thinking patterns of a little child who was somehow made to believe that everyone would be better off if she just disappeared. It only took me 50 years to convince that little heart otherwise! Thank God and all of you wonderful wise women for helping!

That's the spirit, Eagleheart. You sound strong and determined today. You are very much in my thoughts, and they are all positive ones!

Eagle,
IMO the world is better off with you in it!!!! You have a sweet,
sweet spirit; and the world needs sweet spirits to make it a
better place in which to live! Thank God for people like you!!!
We need you!!!

Dear Eagle:
Please remember that God loves you and so do we. You are special. God made you totally unique.

Only you can accomplish what God has in mind for you. You are very dear and close to my heart. Although I have not been around BWS during the weekend, please know that I continue to pray for you.

I'm sorry for all the distress you are going through right now. But we are praying for you and there is no sorrow on earth that heaven can't heal. Please remember that God has an answer for our needs, sorrows, discouraging situations, etc.

With every breathe we can choose to praise God and cling to Him no matter what the circumstances are.

He is still loving you and holding you in the palm of his hand. No one can take you away from there. You are sheltered in His love, even when you still feel the winds of the storm. He will never let go of you, for you are precious to Him. He is in control although at times we cry and feel so helpless. He is our Rock and our HELP in time of need.

We love you, we pray for you, we care and trust that there is a blessing behind this that you are experiencing right now.

Never lose hope. Never lose faith. Never lose the love for nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.

Woo Hoo Eagleheart! That is SUCH a big breakthrough for you. I celebrate your will to live!

Wow, Eagle, it is a breakthrough for you to realize that your mind did not turn to the ultimate permanent option. It's like someone who has been in chronic pain, and realizes the blessing of a pain free moment. We have already shared, albeit in private, our common thread of suicidal thinking. It's great to hear that your prayers and practice to NOT think of it in a habitual way has served you in this sudden, random crisis. I don't come to BWS as often as I used to, but I can't imagine it here without you. You have a presence that is a gift. You are a child of God, no less than the trees and the stars!

Or someone who has been living in darkness for a very long time and then walks out into the sunshine. It WAS a graced moment to realize that, as brutal as this situation is and will continue to be for awhile, I'm still VERY GLAD to be alive...and actively focused on finding resolution, if not for the situation itself, (which is beyond my control), then on what choices are available to me to deal with it on the long-term basis. It truly is a miracle to be whole-heartedly thinking "long-term" in the face of such an intolerable situation.

You know it's always such a joy to hear your voice. Thank you!

Well said, Princess Lenora, We're all children of God and made of the same stuff as the stars

Eagle, you bless life (and all of us!) by choosing it.

Hi Eagle, Hope you are having a better day today. I am sending you warm thoughts and visions of you soaring above all of life's challenges. That's what eagles do...

Eagle, I'm so glad that you are in touch with the life-force that seeks to live to see the beauty (vs. that old nagging death wish that serves to escape the ugly). May the life-force serve you well in this time of crisis.

Eagle,
IMO, you and all of us have a Divine Destiny to fulfill. You bless everyone here. And it's my bet, that you bless all those
you're in contact with on a daily basis. Prayers and blessings

Here's praying that everybody here, fulfills their God-given destiny!