Where would we be?

Talking to my mom this morning on the phone, she was asking me where I thought I would be today if not for having kids?
Good question mom!!!
I gave up a very lucrative positions with each child, with #1 singing on records and stage and with the second leaving a wonderful self employment success plus gorgeous lakeside home for his health.
The worst part is I find myself wondering daily why I did have these two ungratedul boys??? Since they have become men they have done little more than agrivate the crap out of me and act like I am not even alive. Now in this case it is too late to go back so I plunge forward alone but lucky the stress of their lives isn't my problem anymore...

Chatty,

I am so sad that you feel both sons are ungrateful. I just keep wondering what would happen if you stopped saying negative things about them and started to search out the positives for each of them?

I certainly don't know much about your sons, but I do believe in the power of positive thinking and that people respond to the way we treat them. You know, the ol' "what goes around comes around" philosophy. At this point it sounds like it couldn't hurt. And at worst it would just confuse the heck out of them...

Chatty,
I like Anne's idea of "confusing the heck out 'em"; I've got
a son like yours. The only time I hear from him is when he wants
me to send him money. His last call, I refused to send it and
had a good excuse: WB and I had to pay for WB'S mom's funeral
and it drained the checking account. Haven't heard from him since. But believe me when I say: I totally understand where you're coming from. And many a time I wonder why I gave my [all]
and got nothing but headaches. We'll just have to believe things
happen for a reason. And let it go at that. I'm working on that
[power of positive thinking thing]; but I've been working on
that a long, long time. The harder I try to fill my mind with
good thoughts, the harder [the powers of darkness try filling it
with negative thoughts]. But I'm still fighting a good fight.
IMO no one but no one should upset another person's life in a
bad way; we should all try to make the lives of people around us better, happier and lighter! Here's praying things will turn around for both of us!!!! Blessings...

I'm wondering if others notice differences with daughters and sons. I have a very close relationship with my daughter but what feels like a very distant one with my son. It feels at times that if I didn't keep up contact we would talk once or twice a year. Do others find the same difference with girls and boys? Or is it just a factor of personality and character?

I can't say, greene, as I only have boys. I noticed that once they got married they didn't call as often. It goes back to the old rhyme of sons pulling away once they get married but daughters don't do that. Wonder why that is?

My mom used to say "a son is a son 'till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life". I hope it isn't true in the long run because I do miss being a part of my son's life in a bigger way.

I visited a friend in hospital last year and this topic came up.There were way over the allowed visitors and we had spilled into a day room.Nancy is well loved.
The most outspoken visitor complained about her 19 year old...talked about her MiL.her husbands relationship with her which was very similar to what she was sharing about their son.
believed strongly boys dont like keeping in touch...only want and dont give were her words.several added similar stories..Some sad and some ghastly.
I waited and amongst a group of nice women some who were sharing that there was loss of contact said what I share here.

I accept that this is what has happened but wont say remain silent and say nothing..
when
My son does show kindness to both his parents...that we have a bond...that we discuss and disagree on many topics but that my experience is not that he has distanced himself.He is now an adult version of the son we always had He has always kept in touch..given senstively chosen gifts..sometimes when he did not have much.
He has been able to leave home return home and between us all his sister included we blend and bend like a sapling.He has visited both his Dad and I when we were in hospital...he has cleaned my home..he administed first aid when his Father collapsed..he championed his sister when a contact of hers was out of order..he is funny...intelligent..engages in martial arts..and yet will feed an unwanted cat until it is tame..he is our legacy
some of the women that day then spoke up..saying that they knew this reflected much the same with their own sons..and that what I said they knew to be true knowing my family

I honor my boy...and in my dealings with pupils and students of both genders..I first access if what I say to them is what I would want some other to say to my own children.
My son is our legacy

I don't think not hearing from my son is intentional. I do wonder if some men just don't have the communication gene that more women have. You know, the strong, silent type, always there in your corner to have your back, just never chatty about it. The secret is maybe for folks like me to learn that these men are who they are and to not take it personally and let it hurt. He would certainly be by my hospital bed - just not have much to say while standing there!