moodiness BUGS me!

[color:#990000] [i] [size:11pt] It's just me but moodiness ticks my bird! You know the kind of person who says they are "alright," but carries a mood about all day or while you are with them? UGH! Why do people do this?
I am not moody. When something ticks my bird, it's coming out, and hopefully in a civilized way. I can't sustain a "mood," thta is negative and I can't watch people who can!
Is it me?
Have you known someone who is?
What do you do about this?

Okay, I'm bringing out the astrologer here:\
People of the sign of Cancer can be moody. Is there a Cancer in the house?
Chatty?
What do you do when around a moody person?
You can tell it bugs me, can't you?

I find it is deceptive as much as someone who holds a grudge or is jealous. It's dangerous and can blow at anyone!

I find it's like a "whiner," if you know what I mean.

I need help on this so go for it, sista's!

Gawd!

Dancer

It comes down to understanding how other people tick, and what they do to cope.

Well Dancer
a wise man told me that what bugs us most in a person (really bugs) is a part of ourselves we dont admit to.That we are blind to that part of us.
A wise man told him that.
During training we were asked what topic could we NOT counsel another in...again we were told that was a grey area for us and to work with our supervisor on it.
I am open to what others say and have experienced.
Mountain ash

I'm Cancer and I'm moody and always have been. And I'm sure that it's probably one of the reasons why I've also always been a misfit, including in my own family, because one sad thing I've learned is that many people (including my own Mother) just can't tolerate what they cannot understand. I'm so blessed to have close faithful friends who know me, moods and all, and know that there's so much more beauty and depth to me that the "mood of the moment".

One thing I can say with certainty is that my moodiness is rarely rooted in jealousy, nor do I tend to hold grudges. Everyone's different. My own moodiness is more often rooted in dealing with and healing from extensive verbal/emotional abuse and so many devastating losses over a very short period of time.

I have not yet evolved to the level of being able to control my feelings (which feed the moods) before I feel them. What I have learned to control is what to do with those feelings to lessen their impact on other people, which unfortunately, has often translated into social hibernation, which then snowballs into a whole other set of problems to deal with. And what I've also learned the hard way is that the more you squelch true feelings, the more apt they are to leak out in other ways, which can be far more damaging in the long run.

It's been said here before many times, that often it's the people we find hardest to love who need our love the most. I would dare to say that that could be true of the moody people I know...I know for certain that it's true for me.

Learning to cope with and manage one's quirks and idiosyncracies is a lifelong process. You can bet that most moody people know they're moody and wish they could turn it off and/or turn on the magic light switch to make it all go away. I haven't found the light switch yet, but am still searching.

Mountain Ash, I should have known that if I expressed this I would be told it was my shadow side. I don't like it because I can't help whant I dn't understand!

*It looks so very painful to maintain a mood without sharing the pain..

Eagle Heart, thank you SO much for telling me what it is like inside that mood! I can understand better what is going on! I thought it looked painful and again, want to help but have been told they "don't want to talk about it yet."

I see the inside of a mood and I can respect it more when understanding it.
Again, I thank you!

Dancer

Dancer, thank you for thanking me...I suppose that sounds strange, but so many people "out there" really don't care or want to know. I suppose we could use the cliche analogy of the onion, how we are made up of so many layers and to get to the heart and essence of some people, you sometimes have to peel away a lot of gungy-looking layers. It's worth the trouble, but not everyone wants to go there...some people prefer the salad bar where "what you see is what you get".

Okay, now I'm hungry.

If you are not moody, Dancer, what is your mood?

I am generally a happy person, but I can get very angry, upset and sad. I get angry when I feel an injustice is happening. I get upset when I feel someone (especially me) is being wronged. I get sad when I feel lonely and left out.

Fortunately for me, I see the upside quite easily. I process happiness fairly easily. I imagine others see the downsides easier.

Dennis is moody, by his own definition. I guess I would not define him that way, but he does. Do you suppose that we each see ourselves and others through our own definitions of our emotions? Hmmmm...awkward sentence, I know. Let me try and clarify.

I have been told that I am hard on others. I don't see it. I am a strong personality, and want what I want. For some people that is defined as hard on others. For me I define it as open and honest.

Emotionally are we all hard-wired differently? Can we really label someone else, if our labels are really different?

Oh, I am going off on some different tangent, I believe.

Boy, Anno, you are so right-on!!!
I remember once when EW pointed out that people thought she wasn't happy, or was possibly mad (it's been awhile - not remembering exactly how she put it) because she had a naturally down-turned mouth. I have the same and know exactly what she spoke of. Back when I worked (in accounting), I'd be walking down or up a hall and someone would pass and see me thinking hard about something. They made mistakes, thinking I was upset, when I wasn't. The expression was a natural resting/contemplative expression - when I think, I think hard... get wrapped up in my thoughts, powerfully.

We all have moods, all of us. As for me, I don't think I show my moods that much (I wear a perpetually blah mood - it keeps me from getting hurt), so it'd take someone that really and truly knows me to interpret a mood of mine skillfully.... I'm speaking for myself here.
I dare say, most people don't have the talent (or sage-like skills) it takes to adequately understand another person's true mood, unless they live like moods. I know people who could bluff their way through the holocaust. I know people who practice not showing their moods. I know people who want their moods to be recognized... and so on.

I've heard and read the similar...
Everything we experience (including encounters with others) is a projection of our fundamental nature. Thus, everything is showing us something about who we are...something like that...

I'm normally extremely moody (actually they call it bi-polar) but my moods are in no way related to what is going on in the world around me. They just change for no apparent reason. Over the years it has been very puzzling trying to figure out why I was feeling like I did. I think, for me at least, alot of it is subtle chemical changes in the brain. I say "normally moody" because right now I am not at all moody, I'm as stable as can be thanks to some excellent psychotropic medication!

This is the way it is for some of us... out of no where, with no 'logical' explanation, K-WHAM, it hits!
So, greene415, psychotropic drugs do help you?

Mountain Ash & Gims,
Thank you both for sharing that insiteful wisdom. It is really something to 'think about' and take to Heart. There are times when we all could use an attitude tune-up. I know I have moody days or parts of a day, & allow myself to 'blame' others at times. When really it's my own fault for letting LIFE control my reaction to it's happenings. Tiz a lot less stressful to laugh at annoyances & forge ahead.

Q_ball, they are thoughts to take to heart, you are right. (Some philosophical wizard thought them up, but we don't mind passing them on.) Hard to follow the ideas sometimes.
As for tune-ups: I've been trying to do an attitude adjustment this entire afternoon. Trying every tool I have in my tool bag.
I'm feeling like running away, again... not blaming anyone but myself. Thank goodness I have that in check.

Gims,
I think the urge to run away lurks in all of us at some point. I know I feel that way more than I should.
& No, I don't blame anyone but me for those thoughts, it's just how I am. I need a lot more solitude to hear myself think than the normal old heifer. LOL
Sometimes we just have to make a knot and hang on.

[i] Anno, Mountain Ash, let me try to explain.
And to you, Eagle Heart, you are very welcome. Someone I care about very much can go into a funk and not come out until it is worked out inside himself instead of talking about what is bothering him or even mentioning "I am worried about __________, is an example of what happens. I needed to understand why this happened and you explained to me that some people work through things this way. I do not, I will say what is worrying me, or what is making me sad and talk about it or say I don't want to talk about it but I'll be okay. I just worry when the mood happened until you explained to me how it works inside. I understand now and it's ok.
Me? I am the least moody person you will ever meet. I have had 15 years of therapy with a psychiatrist, not a therapist, a doctorate so I am aware of how I feel most of the time. I also know why I feel what I feel.
The rest of me, you must remember, is a highly trained performer who did NOTHING else but perform and study dance for her whole life and whom is taught NOT to show emotion and to hold my face just so, not to move my features and not to betray what I am feeling or thinking to people.
So, if I can't handle something, I immediately deal with it somehow. I either take action, talk to someone, or accept what I cannot change.
I am, if you were around me, what has been called "very kind and composed," by professionals and at home I am the calmest person you can imagine. I don't shout, I don't fight, I consider fights a waste of time, a collosal waste of time!
If I have a disagreement, I talk it out, or change how I AM or what I DO to fix it for ME if I can't work it out.

I have been told by a shrink from Mt. Sinai in New York that I am the most complex person he had ever met.

I am strange, but it works for me and it's me so it's okay with me, and I seem to have a lot of friends so I guess it's okay to be how I am.

Dancer, explaining herself and flattered that anyone cares what I feel or think!!
i]

it says I cannot edit so pardon my grammar and such! My home is the most zen place you can imagine and everyone who comes over says it is very comfortable for them to be themselves.

I wish I understood how others think and feel better but I had a different kind of life and education and I need to be allowed a wider "berth," for that reason. I'm sure I am different from many here, but as I did with "moodiness," I strive to understand.
I just have to defend myself when I am called out to have emotions I do not. I am not moody, and I do not dislike it because it is my shadow side, I disliked it because I did not understand it and as you know, ignorance is behind most judgement.

Dancer, me.

Of all the answers so far, Anno's is the closest to the way I'd define myself.

Am I moody? I can be depressed, I can be angry, or I can have so much energy I tire everyone else out. The first 2 would be defined as "negative" by most people, and the last one as "positive."

I see them all as part of a whole. I'm brutally honest, both towards myself and towards others. I have this steel-trap rational mind, so when I get angry et al I'll tell you there's a very good reason for it. I'm not afraid to show my emotions, so does that make me moody?

The big exception is: I've learned that sometimes life is less stressful if I hold my tongue (not my natural tendency) so as not to hurt others. I used to fight about anything. Now I leave a lot unsaid. So one person looking at this might say, "She refuses to get caught up in a stupid fight. She's so calm;" but another person may say, "She doesn't want to discuss this because she's cold and distant." Both very different reactions -- and assignation of my mood -- to the same action.

Everyone has moods, if they have any emotion at all. It's just that we attach positive and negative values to those moods depending on how it relates to our own expectations.

Meredith, you are right about everyone having moods, if they have any emotions at all. The scariest children I work with are the emotionless ones. And, unfortunately, they exist.

Dancer, no explanation is needed. You seem very centered to me and full of emotion. And most of your emotions seem to come out on the upside.

Yes, gims, I consider the medicine a lifesaver as my depressions would get so deep I couldn't dig my way out of them. Now I feel all the same emotions but not to a point that they paralyze me so now I can handle them.

When we talk about "moodiness" I assume we mean a withdrawal of happiness and being upbeat..into a place where saddness is.Then a person may be in need to be alone and the very effort of being in company is difficult.I accept that in a person
But surely all variations of feelings are but moods.Like the sun changes the earth as it moves across the sky.
Like Anno a child who shows no emotion is a difficult being to help.Light and shade add interest.
Mountain ash

I was seeking advice on the long term lasting mood, you know, for the whole day or more. That sort of moodiness is what puzzled me. I was puzzled as to what was going on in that person and why they won't express. Eagle Heart covered it for me when she told me about how people that get lost in their moods feel. Now that I understand, I can not worry and tolerate it.
Dancer9

I wonder if it is possible that when people don't tell others what is causing the mood or going on with them it could be that they just don't know what's going on. With my moods I could never related them to something going on in my world. Things could be wonderful and I'd feel down, they could be horrible and I'm coping and doing well. Perhaps people keep it to themselves because they don't have a clue what "it" is?

Greene, I can relate to that - "cloud of unknowing" might fit well. As a matter of fact, I find in my own experience that if I can put my finger on the root cause of a dark mood (it's very rarely the most recent or obvious reason), I'm half way out of the mood already. But it's not always simple to pinpoint the "why".

One thing I've learned to do is to reassure my hubby that my darker moods, while perhaps triggered by something he's said or done, very rarely actually have anything to do with him. If I'm brutally honest, I can usually trace the tendrils of that mood a long way down to a wounding that happened a long time ago.

I want to add that, IMO, not all moods are necessarily rooted in a wound. When I talk about being able to trace a mood back to my past, I'm referring to those really dark moods that you can't shake off and eventually start to feel like inescapable quicksand. I still think that some people are wired that way - ultra sensitive to everything around them - and that our moods (we could call it "introverting ourselves") may be our way of processing and internalizing it all.

I find it so, too, greene and EH. On top of it all, it makes me feel as if I have no right to be down because there is no evident cause. And, I've had many occasions when I realize I'm under a 'cloud' and I'm affecting the one, or ones, I'm with... this makes me feel guilty, because there's no defined 'something' I can bring myself out of - alone and/or through willing. And, the guilt compounds the issue. Best to stay alone and away when this is the case. Reclusive.
I've been with people who have interrogated me, loved me hard, coddled me, acted cheery to the opposite extreme, etc., trying to 'bring me around,' so to speak. More times than not, it compounded the issue, too. There is one person who I can go to (but they live out of state) who sits and listens, earnestly and caringly listens, does not pressure for more, and affirms my feelings. Here again, there is a problem. I hate being a burden, possibly affecting/altering the listener's place of feeling.

A question popped into my head today.
Is there a direct correlation between 'cheerful' people and 'mood sensitive' people and where their 'psyche' lives. By this I mean, are the psychic landscapes of the 'cheerful' people outside their heads, while the psychic landscapes of the 'mood sensitive' people are inside their heads. Is that a bunch of garble, or what?
Question to the members who consider themselves 'cheerful':
Do you find yourself more involved with the external things of living vs. the thought processes involved with living?
Maybe that's not the best way to put the question. Help, anyone?

I just read through all of this thread and it's so very interesting. Seems like most of the moods that have been discussed are negative moods. What about the positive ones? To me, a moody person is one who bounces around. Does that make sense - good moods to bad mood to sulky, to happy, etc.

gims, I like your question and I get what you're saying. It's quite possible that you're on to something. I think some of the modd issues have to do with living in the moment. Would anyone agree?

Something that hasn't been mentioned (and I can't believe it) is peri-menopause and menopause as mood alterers. This is definitely true in my case. In fact, I'm on the pill for peri-menopausal symptoms, one of which was moodiness, and it's worked wonders. However, this past month, I'm using the generic drug for my pill and I'm wondering if I'm more moody because it's not the same as the real drug. I think it's possilbe. It could also have to do with the kids moving out and away. Who knows? BUt if anyone's keeping track of who's moody and who isn't count me in as a moody one. And let me tell you - my emotions are out there. I can be read like a book. I address my moods immedaitely and try to manage them accordingly - for what all of this is worth...

dancer, this has turned into a great topic. I know what you meant by your original post. Sometimes you can be with someone you love and they just aren't themselves, but won't share why. I chalk it up to being a part of life. Not everyone can express themselves as well as others, and/or aren't able to share their why, regardless of how close they may be to us. I find it hard to understand becasue I'm so out with my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. But, we are all so very different, and like Mom always said, "That's what makes the world go 'round."

Gims, I think that's a great observation/question. I think you're on to something. People who are predominantly cheerful do seem to be more able to "think outside their own heads", i.e., seem to be able to find their energy/motivation/joy outside of themselves. Predominantly moody people (whether positive and/or negative) do seem to need to introvert themselves in order to process whatever's going on around them. We all interpret life differently, and some seem to primarily macro-manage their emotions/life events, while others tend to micro-manage everything - I know my tendancy is to overanalyze EVERYTHING, right down to the choice of words and body language that someone has used and the ripple effect - or even the eschatological implications - of choices and actions. All of that goes on in my head constantly, though I'm trying now to pick and choose when to allow my mind to go through all the ramifications of any given event/choice/action. Hard, because it's so automatic, I can't always catch it in time.

Sometimes when someone perceives me to be moody, in my own mind I'm actually problem-solving. Some do it through painting or writing or in the board room, others seem to have to go and sit inside of their heads (and hearts) first.

Moods or whatever one calls them are a fact of life, a state of mind and no matter who you are or what you do, happy, or sad, moods are here to stay. I read a very interesting study done at Berkeley years ago about moods and they found it is due to chemical changs in the body and mind. Yes, our surrounding atmosphere can have a part in our mood as well, deaths, life, illness, love, all react on our subconscious and conscious minds so we become MOODY. This with our ever changing mind and body chemistrys makes us appear MOODY. Deal with it ladies, moodiness is here to stay!!!

wow, what to say? Eagle Heart, you have been a Godsend in helping me know what is going on. The moods do not last more than half a day and I know now to let them be and wait until this person is ready to talk about them. You have helped me not to smother and perhaps confuse the situation.
I am dealing with nothing like depression, I know how to handle that.
Gims, you make good points too! I can follow your example of how you would like to be treated when you are feeling that way and just listen when he's ready to talk.
It's not my husband that is like this, thank goodness, or my marriage might have suffered from me not understanding. He and I are the types to "think out loud," and discuss with others what is going on. Luckily, we do not have moods often where we have no idea where it is coming from.
Eagle Heart, you hit the nail on the head with the over anaylize in this person. He does that. He is overly intelligent and yes, thinks and thinks and thinks things through. He is also a worrier, is that common with long moods, (hours long.) I am a person who easily flows with what is and I do not worry as a rule. Of course I worry if someone is ill or such, but I am not a worrier by nature.
Where does worry fit in, Eagle Heart?
Gims?
I've more to say but must wait as my son needs my laptop. I'll return and write more soon.
Dancer

Dancer, as far as worry goes, I can only speak for myself, but suspect that anxiety is a common factor in moody people's moodiness.

Yes I worry obsessively. Anxiety over EVERYTHING gnaws at me relentlessly. However, I've come a long way in the past couple of years. I'm learning how to live in the "now" and stop obsessing over what might happen. Much of my anxiety over the past 2-3 years stemmed from the loss of my entire family and how that has pulled every rug out from under my feet...I'm still fumbling to find my "nichedness" in this new reality.

But for me, the greatest source of anxiety comes from my mind flipping through all of the possible consequences, impact and future implications of any given choice or action, both on a personal level and on a much wider global level. I guess you could say that I surf all of the possible ripple effects...the list of triggers is endless. Everything from the global impact and ripple effect of overusing air conditioners to how many in the world could survive on what we throw away and the why of that great disparity between the very wealthy and the destitute poor. Why do I have so much and my neighbours down the street and across the ocean have so little?

I don't know how to turn it off. Prayer and meditation help, but even there, I'm keenly aware of all of the people, known and unknown, who need help and so I bring those people and the various situations in the world into my prayer as well. I'm especially passionate about being a voice for the voiceless, praying to God to help those who don't know how or who to ask for help, or who have lost their voice because of hopelessness and despair. I can't stop. I don't want to stop. In case it's making a difference...the anxiety comes in part from frustration that it's never enough...but I'm learning that if it's all one can do at the time, it has to be enough.

Have I veered off topic? See how much more can be going on behind a person's moodiness? If you were to look at me, you would not see much to look at. I'm plain, quite invisible in fact...and probably often appear to be completely lost in space. But there is a wealth of processing and learning and evolving going on behind those eyes.

My husband's not a moody person, but he does get lost for long periods of time, deep in thought. One time, the distance lasted for almost a week, and I began to get really worried. It took a lot of prodding, but finally he sheepishly admitted that he had been mentally building a fountain on our front lawn. We had never even discussed such a thing, nor do we have room for a fountain, but somehow it crossed his mind and stayed there, and he had become lost in this invisible project!

The next time your friend is in one of these extended moods, try asking him what world problems he's solving...it might help open the door to his world.