Cancer celebrities

Would someone please tell me why? When a celebrity gets cancer, such as Sheryl Crow and Christina Appelgate, the world goes crazy. It's OMG can you believe SHEEE has breast cancer? And when Christina Applegate has bilateral mastectomies as I did, Oprah is all over the topic, with Christina as featured guest. And they get to do PSAs and be spokespersons. And how AWESOME shee is for surviving cancer. And letting the world know. When I had breast cancer, the last thing I wanted was for a celebrity to suggest how I should handle it. Give me an honest to God peer with real world experiences. What do celebrities know of insurance costs, insurance decisions. Do you think a celebrity even notices when ONE SHOT cost 1,000 dollars? They don;t know they have accountants. And what about working chemo and reconstructive surgeries into the work/child balance, WITHOUT a nanny, nutritionist, nurse, driver and chef? I don't know why I resent this, but I do. I am a 5 year survivor. I am the one who sent (handmade) cards on this anniversary to everyone who meant something to me during and after the entire ordeal, and cancer was an ordeal second only to being the victim of child sexual abuse. I am the one who bought myself flowers and candy on the fifth anniversary of my first chemo. I had ONE year of chemo treatments and FIVE surgeries to my chest. And numerous injections for bone loss, iron loss, protein loss, not to mention loss of hair, loss of balance, loss of clarity (chemo brain) loss of weight (105 pounds) Loss of my husband's job because he had to care for me....Loss of house because we had to move to get him a new job...Loss of my already accepted MSW grad program because I lost ability to STUDY, loss of the BREASTS. criminy. Why do we need research for a cure? Because amputation of the breasts is NOT A CURE. it is barbaric. And my mother had her breast removed, and she is DYING of breast cancer anyway. I worked so hard to stay alive and I did and so what? So What? I don't even know why I fought so hard. I had said years ago
when my mother got cancer that if I ever got cancer I would NOT go through crap to fight it. And my husband said it was not all about me, he had a say in it too, so please fight. And I bought that and fought. Does anyone have any words that may help me reframe this frame of mind? Help please I am sick, sick, sick of IT. It, the whole cancer absurdities, public celebrities and private citizens, believe me, cancer is cancer, but those who have resources have a different experience than those who did not. I was in the hospital from Thanksgiving through Christmas in a noisy, uncomfortable, semi-private room in oncology with inept personal care attendants. The PCAs? It was like they were born yesterday. My husband wrapped me better than the PCAs. The PCA showed their shock at the sight of my RUINED chest. Plus, I almost DIED from morphine, couldn't swallow, couldn't breathe, couldn't reach for the buzzer, and where were the nurses? Eating Christmas cookies. The celebrities probably go to a private spa setting for recovery from chemo, and, wear their own designer nightgowns instead of the crap hospital gown and have a 24 7 attendant. I know this is More than a whine with grace, this is my tirade. I 1) don;t see why I had to go through that on top of everything else 2) dont know why I even bothered. What for? Who cares? Why bother? WHY???? pEOPLE Act like it's no big deal... oh Lynn got through it, let's forget about it. I'll tell you, my body never forgets. Healing? Yeah right there is always always always the nagging notion of my mother is dying. From breast cancer.

My dear Princess,....so be it. You are entitled to a tirade. And what better place to let 'er go than here! With October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, it's all around us big time. I've also been flooded with the memories because I can't turn anywhere without seeing it discussed in some way. No, a person of wealth would not understand the struggles we went through, simply because money is no issue and they can afford any little luxury. I experienced loss of home, a long term marriage, friends and of course, gained the permanent scars, loss of a breast, heaps of medical bills and went numb emotionally. So, yeah, I can totally understand your frustration and felt every word you've said. On the up side, my NEW (and improved from the first) hubby arrived home from work last night with not one, but TWO bouquets saying "this is your month, hon...let's celebrate life." God bless this man. So, PL, no your body will never forget, neither will mine. Thank God we've survived. I'm so sorry about your Mom. That would pi$$ me off, too. I had no family history. I wish I could just hug you. A small thing but I think we need it. Maybe someday. Love you, friend.

Oh Lynn, my heart is just breaking for you. I'm so sorry you had endure this, but even more sorry that all women and ANY woman should have to go through this terrible disease. I watched my mother do the same as you described above...I too said, I'll never put myself through this...I thank God every day that I've not been put to the test.

I wish I could help in your healing process, but all I have to offer is that I'm so grateful to know you. I'm reading about your strength in your struggles and I'm knowing that you will continue to be an inspiration to women who are reading this. Not only does it take courage to endure the trials, but it takes a certain kind of courage to shout OUT LOUD to the world exactly what cancer has done to you and your life; how it has made you feel.

If I had a magic wand, I would wave it over you and erase this from your life.

You don't have to hide behind emotions here, as LJ says. Say what you want to say. We really are listening and we really do care.

I'm so sorry!

Wow girlfriends, thanks for the responses. LJ, I did not forget that others, like you and Meredith, went through the same thing. However, there is something very healing to hear you say you went through the same thing in the same ways! And JJ and others who watched parents with cancer suffer, as well as friends and family, I'm sorry for them and for all those who had to witness the trials and tribulations of any kind of cancer. LJ, when you said you were flooded with memories, I thought, "i'm not the only one." You know how intellectually you can know something, but in your heart you forget, or shut down? Well, when you open up, I can open up too. When one heals so does another. JJ, thanks for your message. It is very important to me. L, PL

PL, I am so happy you posted all of this. Way too much Cancer in my family too.
I want to help you find a positive here in this celebrity thing if I may. The more Breast Cancer or ANY Cancer is brought to our attention, maybe just maybe one more woman or man will go and get tested.
Princess, your book is a difficult read for those who have gone through certain circumstances. If reading your book helps one more person seek help or find closure then it is all worth while.If someone hears about a celebrity having Cancer they may be saved if they go in time.

You are a celebrity in my book...You have reached and touched more than you could even imagine.

I am writing this with tender heartfelt feelings, Lynnie. Yes rant and rant some more...

Blessings

Oh, Princess, I am so sorry that you are having so much angst at the moment.

You are so right - celebrities are noted, the rest of us are often dismissed.

But you are not forgotten - not here. Most of us do not know your real, physical and emotion, pain. But most of us do understand pain - and it isn't fun.

We love you, PL, and want you to be happy. I hope your fine whine helped you get through this day, this week.

Wow Chick and Anno, I am touched by your responses. Thanks for the love. Chick, I know you are right, that celebrities use their celebrity for causes, and most celebrities are sincere. Yes, Anno, my fine whine has helped me already. Yes, getting the truth out. Your responses help me feel the love... which is the reason for being. L, PL

Princess, I am so sorry for your suffering. NO ONE should have to go through what you did. No one.

There are, as someone said above me, some things about celebrities you might think about:

Most of the time no one really loves them for themselves.

When they get cancer, their agents cross them off the list and ignore them until they can come in for a "body viewing."

They run the terrible risk of paparazzi snapping a photo of them at any time in their treatment and selling it for a mint.

If they are ingenues, they are over, no one wants to see them in a love story anymore after breast cancer.

If they are a singer, such as Christine, out goes her sexual appeal according to producers. They do not allow them to shoot in small amounts of clothes anymore because the public knows they had to have work.

If a celebrity falls apart, it happens in public. Look at poor Brittney. (sp.) The press almost did her in. You NEVER live down "losing it," no matter what.

Their contracts require that they have extra medical assurances for every deal they sign, and if they sign a "two picture deal," or a "four album deal," it'll be a cold day in hell. No one believes they are or will stay cancer free.

SAG insurance is terrible. It does not pay after a certain amount of money and does not cover them for much. It takse MANY platinum records to be a multi-millionaire, which most people don't know. It takes a lot of hit movies to command million dollar deals and only handful can do that.

You went through a horrible time, I can hear that and you have a right to let it out, and you should let it out. I cannot imagine fighting cancer, I have not. Someday I hope to talk to someone who has gone through it and learn more. I do know what it is like to fight for your life for four years and that takes some screaming to get out of your system. I honor your anger and your pain.

Dancer

Hello Dancer, thank you for your response. You know what it is like to experience one trauma on top of another, including life threatening conditions. I know you know what it is like. Fighting cancer is a lot like fighting disabling conditions... you are fighting for your life. I appreciate the reframing of celebrity status. That's something I needed: what is the downside of celebs? It's true that their lives in some ways are not their own. As for Britney, she was certainly an exploited child. Sure, she loved to sing and dance and it came naturally for her. But I saw a documentary that was not sensational. It showed some truths of the premature sexualization and ultimate exploitation of her. Again, I appreciate your feedback and concern. PL

Princess, your frustration, hurt and anger came out strong in your post. It was very real to me, so much so that I shut my eyes and felt with you after reading it.

I have to commend the wonderful words the Boomer ladies here have expressed on your behalf. The sincerity and eloquence these ladies convey make them all gems in my book.

I can’t even imagine how horrible it must be to go through all the things that you have gone through. But bringing it to attention to others makes you a celebrity for those that don’t have the opportunity to do so. If there is any comfort at all within this horribleness, then it is that you are able to help others be aware, and let them know they aren’t alone.

*sorry about the length, please bear with it? Dear Princess, this is your thread. YOU deserve to rant and complain about the pain you endured. I respect that completely as I have said before. Compared to you, I am ignorant regarding battling Cancer, although I do have a disease. I have some things I wanted to say to you which I will put at the end of this post. I'm hoping it soes not go on forever!

But, to mention celebrities, I can tell you from my point of view, which is someone who is known in major cities by those who produce, etc, is that those who are "stars," cannot breath without watching for the press.

Melissa Ethridge got brest cancer. She didn't want it but the press broke it. She decided, with her agents help, to spin it into an honest battle. She battled the cancer and did gigs with her head bald. Many of her friends shaved their heads with her in support. She had no choice, it was blown open on her and she had to open her life to the public more than she wanted to.
Now, she must prove she is cancer free to accept a contract and will have to forever. To insure her for a contract means a physical and a BIG one for a caner survivor.

A celebrity has a hell of a life. For example, I spent some time with Prince. He cannot leave a building without complete secutity, and they have to be secuity that cannot be bought off. We were in his club, the Glam Slam, and I could walk a few blocks to have Aveda do my hair for the show but he could not leave the building to accompany me and keep talking with me. It has to be arranged for him to go ANYWHERE. He is not free. He is not even close to free, he is in a trap that he cannot escape because he worked for fame. He chose fame but did not know what it would do to him. Prince pretty much grew up in a bordello and everyone knows this because of his fame.

A woman is worse, I think. If she is pregnant, it is so bad that now they try to leave the country, or at best, go to a hideaway home throughout their pregnancy. They must make intricate plans to deliver, and in the case of Angelina, they have to pay off the government of a country to keep them protected!

Crosby of Crosby,Stills, Nash and Young, got liver cancer, and it went into the press that he ahd "liver disease," to avoid the "C word." He waited for a kidney with the fans of their work waiting with him in vigils. Nurses gave away info regarding his health and he did not have a "machine," because he could not afford it, to protect him from press.

Recently, a great person, Warren Zevon, died of lung cancer. It also went public so he went public with his death by stages. He actually recorded an album with all his friends that took right up until his death to finish. Bruce Springsteen flew to Warrens home on Thanksgiving to record their song together. Warren died in the public eye. He is an example of a man who although had some fame, died as all people do, with not special treatment.

But Britney is the very best example, Princess. She is a VERY talented dancer and performer. She also has a mental illness that is now public knowledge. When she had a child, her illness, (and YOU know about mental illnesses as I do,) broke. Her father had to take control of her life. We almost watched her die, if you were following, as the press hounded her and hounded her until she looked so very bad that people though she would NEVER recover.

Princess, a celebrity has no friends. Family is a liability, friends you make are as well. ANYTHING you so could be caught on a telephoto lens, even, in Jackie O's case, by swimmers with telephoto lens! If you are ill, and throwing up all of the time, the industry will write you off, period. You are only as good as your last gig.

People love to see a celebrity fall almost as much as they love to see them rise. I'm sure you've seen the public turn against a known person in grooves?

These are the public's questions:

Do you, did you, smoke? Do you, did you eat right? What is the personal life of the person? What is their work like? Do I like it? Do I want them to die of this cancer? Do they deserve to die of this cancer? YES! The public actually judges whether they think the entertainer DESERVES the cancer!! Everyone with an agent is explained this at the start. You are warned that if you are down they will kick you. If you are up, they will kick you.

You speak in the public. Beware of fame as you go on with your speaking. You might be aware of some of these feelings in your public already. EVERY audience, if you have watched, has a "hater," in it, trying to put you down or find you wrong. Have you experienced this yet? Have you developed a shell to protect you when you speak to groups so that they cannot get to places where it hurts or where you do not wish to share?

All of this is worth considering. I don't know if you plan on making public speaking a common practise but if you do, I'd advise an agent.

This is long winded, it's just some of my experiences and you asked about down sides of celebrities so I tried to tell you some if that celebrity is sick.

Lastly, I would not envy a celebrity. What they do, wear, eat, say, ANYTHING, is recorded and most of the time wrongly.

And, I wish you the very best as you speak or are interviewed by the press. I hope for you no "haters," and no jealously from the crowds. Most of all, take great care to protect yourself from anyone who would alter your image or your words in any way.

As a public person, you have the right to you "likeness," and your words. If you are misquoted or appear anywhere in photos that you did not release, (even a newspaper has to get, and have gotten, my release,) you have recourse. I would suggest you meet with an entertainment attorney.

No matter if we stop performing, for example, as I have, our likeness is still valuable, and still valid. ( A calendar is being made from some dance shots I did awhile ago.)

I say this in friendship. I know you seek to do good. I think that is a great thing.
I'm happy to help in any way in the areas above.

Carry on. I hope this helps.

Lynn, I hopeyou're still working on that booka bout breast cnacer because the words you wrote here need to be written for all to see. There was such passion behind them that it sucked me right in. I encourage you to finish that book.

I'm so sorry for all who have suffered from cancer or witnessed a loved one do the same. I can't wait until the day when we can talk about how barbaric chemo and radiation WERE, as in past tense, as in it's no longer done because of a cure!

I am blown away (in a good way) by these responses. I can count on my boomer friends for truth... from the heart. Dotsie, I am working on my book, and maybe that's why I got mad, five years after. It is difficult to revisit that disease, but, like the first book, I know I must. It's not that I envy celebrities. It's that I am mad that they are chosen to bring awareness as if they are the only ones, while we have people suffering and overcoming right next door. I get claustrophobic in crowds, so I'd be uncomfortable with an entourage. I'm not sure what my emotion is concerning celebrities having nurses and nannies and accountants and personal attendants. Is it envy? Is it resentment? Is it that I want what they have? Do I perceive them as not having to worry? It's that I would like to make a difference that I think it takes celebrity to make. But then I get emails from people I know, as above here, and people I don't even know, so I let myself tell myself that maybe I have made a difference in the last five years, and I don't have to be on TV to do so. Yes, that's it. As for having friends, I'd be insecure. My grandfather died leaving my grandmother a widow at age 43, just as she was making her first million. You know she's 103 now. Even this year she said again that she never remarried because she did not know if someone loved her for herself or her money. She tells a story of a date she had, a man took her hands in his, and said, "Your hands are made of gold." I guess that would put me off, too! While I was going through chemo, I had to do a presentation at a college that had been set up even before I had cancer. I was wearing a purple knit hat, I was very very thin, and I had chemo brain.(brain fog) The audience was counselors, professors, others who dealt with PTSD in their practice, I was talking about child sexual abuse & PTSD. It was not my story, it was research I was selected to do & I received a grant to do it. There were only 42 in the room. I got 41 great evaluations, and one that said "could not make sense of her statistics..." as if it was my fault that she could not understand. So, like Dancer says, there is always at least one. I did take on the self-recrimination, oh what could I have done to make her understand? But that fact that I did that required presentation while going through chemo gave me lots of support from my peers. I had to re-frame after to focus on the positives, instead of thinking what I did wrong, just like now, as you all help me. BWS is my place for support, and you all never fail me. Dancer, I do intend to speak on my topics as in my book TEARS, and I can't wait to talk about cancer. I've been told I need an agent, but I have no clue who to trust or who would want my topics so I do everything myself, but I'm limited to local agencies that have no budget for speakers. EW, thank you too, and to everyone else who supported me here. I am growing my hair for "Locks of Love." I have to get to a 10 inch ponytail. I am starting from earlobe length. I found an AVEDA salon owner who will stick with me for the 2 years it will take. I don't want a new stylist each time I need a trim. I'm doing it now because it's my last chance. When I grey, I plan to be grey, but Locks of Love manufacturers cannot dye grey hair. I think I got my rant out of my system. I am humbled by those who responded or thought about me because I know you all have troubles of your own. Lots of hugs and kisses, Lynn

Princess,
You might find an agent fastest by contacting an entertainment attorney. There are attorney that focus only on handling contracts and such for people in the public eye and usually they work in tandem with agents.

Dancer

Princess,

You healing will come within writing your book and you anger toward you cancer will heal you from within . Go and write and vent your feeling for this to shall pass. Go and tell you story and help the ones who are suffering now from breast cancer . Write , Write

Sadie

Lynn,
I just read this. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and I know this is adding to your pain.

Everyone who's been there can agree, cancer is hell. Sometimes you have faith and friends and hope and family and you still die. It sucks. Some days the shit hits the fan and we're just standing on the wrong side of the blades.

Writing is cathartic. It doesn't make the pain go away but puts it down on paper so some of the hurt releases into the larger universe where it gets to disperse a bit. I'm 10 years out and the sadness can just HIT but it's not as bad as it used to be. I think it remains in our hearts forever as long as we are human.

Ranting and writing are both releases of the pressure valve. If we can't explode (in a non-violent way) then we implode. Too much implosion equals suicide. Explosion/rants/writing are steps towards healing.

Eventually, the implosion/explosion balances out a bit and the pain is not as constant. But the stitches remain on our heart.

As my doctor told me after one of my surgeries (I had 3 in 6 weeks) "Try not to bust your stitches out."

You know I say this in caring and love.
Your sister on the wrong side of the fan blades
Meredith

Great words of wisdom, Meredith. We all need that vent. It really has me thinking because I've never, ever really had an explosion but have talked about it a little here and there. Lynn, you go, girl....your book will be a huge part of your healing.
Yet another sister on the wrong side of the fan blades,
Jane.

Lynn, have you read the book The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan? If not, let me know. I have an extra copy. I'll mail it to you. It's also autographed. I heard her speak at a luncheon held by The Red Devils, a local cancer support group for families. Her book is an account of her living with cancer as a mother, sister, daughter, and wife. It's fantastic. She makes you laugh, cry, and walk every step of her path with her. It's amazing. I read it when it was first published, and was so grateful to be invited to that luncheon to hear her speak.

I think it would be a great book to list in the competition section of your proposal.

Email me your address and I'll put it in the mail.