Being single can have it's challenges

I have been on my own now for 14 years. I have had a few relationships, the last one ending six months ago. It lasted 4 years but he lived long distance and neither of us could move, kids, work, we still keep in touch occasionally.

I started working out at a gym due to health concerns and am also on a celiac diet which is going well. I do not have celiac but this diet works well for me, no white flour, no sugar. I can't eat anything when I'm out which works well. Either have to bring food with me or eat when I get home. My water bottle is my friend.

Anyway. I go to the gym almost every day. A couple of weeks ago I was on the treadmill and a guy was working out on the wieghts and he kept looking at me. I thought he was looking at someone behind me but no, he was looking at me.

A few days later I saw him again and the same thing happened. I was confused as he is much younger than me. Afer a few more days go by, he comes in, walks right up to me and says Hi. I say Hi back but continued to work out not knowing what to say as I felt kind of shy at that moment which is unusual for me. If he was the same age as me I would think nothing of it. I talk to everyone at the gym.

But due to his age I questioned why he was giving me all this attention. I have never dated guys my age and have in the past dated someone 19 years my junior. Only once and usually the men I date are 3 to 6 years younger. I look younger than I am, people tell me that all the time. My mother is the same way, people are shocked when she tells them how old she is. Anyway it's nice looking younger but can cause some problems.

This guy is not trying to pick me up but he is trying to get my attention and it is clear that he wants to talk to me. I wonder if others have had similar experiences. I don't want to be foolish and think he is interested in me, but he is giving me more attention that I have had in a very long time and I'm wondering what's up with him. I don't want to get all paranoid here and think he is a stalker or something but wonder if I should just start up a conversation and put an end to this flirty stuff.

Am I imagining it, it has happened four times now so I think not. Have any of you had the experience of having a younger man giving you attention or be attacted to you?

Just wondering as I am sure to see him again.

So have a conversation. Ask him about himself (anybody know a guy that doesn't like talking about himself?) Maybe he thinks you might be an interesting person to talk to.

Could be or maybe he thinks he knows me. I have been told I have a double. Anyway it's not big deal. Just found it odd that I was getting so much attention from this guy. Not complaining, just found his interest in me confusing.

Maybe he just wants to have a conversation so I will talk to him more next time, see what he says.
Kate

Maybe he's European. Sitting in side walk cafes, staring at people is a favourite pastime. He might have transformed it to a gym. Enjoy, and lavish yourself with his admiring looks.

Why do you question the reasons behind the attention? Just go for it. Do you have a cafe at the gym - if you do, ask him if he would like to join you for a juice (or whatever your diet allows) after both of you finish your workout.

By the way, congratulations on the work outs and the diet. You sound, and should be, proud of yourself. Rock on, girl!

Yes, so happy with the diet. I am making bread with spelt flour today. It costs $8.00 a loaf, and I paid $8.00 for the flour but it makes 2 loaves. I'm staying away from white anything as I mentioned. Feel so much better and keeping fibromyalgia symptoms away with diet and exercise.

Also, I am saving so much money not buying treats. I used to get a muffin with my coffee, also a cookie later in the day or something sweet. I have/had a real sweet tooth. I've broken the cravings cycle which is nice. It was not easy but now I can avoid it no problem.

As for the flirty guy, not sure why I question the reason, just been out of the dating game for a while, and he caught me by surprise. Even if he is just being friendly that's ok, keeps me going to the gym anyway :-)
Kate

Kate, tell us more about your celiac diet. I've never heard of spelt flour. Where did you hear about the diet. My DIL has fibromyalgia and I would love to be able to tell her more.

Also, in addition to my questions above, I just remembered that a member of the NABBW is very active in educating others on Celiac, so I ran over and got her link. You might want to take a look here.

Gluten Free Help

I'm reading it now

Thanks JJ, I do not have Celiac but am avoiding gluten so follow the diet. I also feel all the sugar and other additives is unhealthy for me, dyes, chemicals etc.

During my detox period I broke out in red rashes in different places, it was so weird. On my face, inner arms, legs. The rashes just came on but went away quite quickly. I think my body was getting rid of toxins.

There are many flours that we can use other than white or whole wheat flour. Many breads we buy at the store thinking they are whole wheat are really white bread with some whole wheat in them.

Spelt is a type of flour which I found out about at a organic market here. It makes good bread and treats, cookies etc. You can use Splenda to sweeten (I know, I have to get off of that too) But it keeps me away from sugar and I use it sparingly.

I'm lucky as where I live we have many stores selling organic flours and groceries. Also quite a few people who are vegan, are up on all the flours etc. It's a learning process.

I found a great recipe online for bread using spelt. Will let you know how it goes. It is more nutritious, breaks down faster, all in all just better for you.
Kste


JJ, all I can say as since I started exercising faithfully every day, and getting rid of all the "bad" foods from my diet, I feel so much better and the pain is dulled a great deal. Before I made the change there were days when it was difficult to walk. It was very scary. Scary enough for me to totally change my lifestyle.

This post caught my eye and I wanted to pass along another good website if you want to learn about celiac disease and going gluten free. A good friend of mine owns/runs it -- she's been dealing with celiac for years and has made it a personal mission to educate others about it.

http://glutenfreeeasily.com/

Great blog. Of course I went straight to the Caveman Cookies!

Thank you Ann,
I checked out the website and looks like a good one. I'm always looking for good recipes. Although I have to say since I changed my diet I no longer obsess about food which is a good thing.

When eating sugar, carbs all the time food was always on my mind.
Nice to be free of those thoughts.
Kate

Exploration of better food alternatives/dishes is always good.

Orchid, welcome back. You have been missed!

Hey Orchid! You're back safe and sound! Can't wait to hear about the trip!

I have been wondering where you were Orchid. Glad your back...

I'm here, now Just haven't gotten around to posting stuff here, etc. since my photos are on dearie's MAC laptop. He's due to arrive from Germany tomorrow.

Back to Kate's topic: So anything different since you last posted?

Katebcca, I am so proud of you for the steps you are taking to improve your health!

Good to know that the celiac diet is working so well for you.

You have inspired me to get myself back to the fitness center. My membership expired a month ago, and I hadn't renewed it. Now I will. Not that I am expecting to meet any cute younger men, but just that I told my doctor the other day that I would begin a walking program -- though I haven't yet taken any action.

Your discussion of how much better you are feeling did the trick!

Thanks!

Anne

Hi Anne,
I am so glad I inspired you. I am actually having fun discovering alternatives to the foods I used to eat. I am totally into the organic thing, buying food from local farmers. Now I eat food for health, not recreation :-)

Also, we all know it....when you exercise you feel better so why do we fall into the trap of not going? For me it's a health thing. If I don't work out I get so stiff I can't walk. There are many nights I really don't feel like it and go anyway. And of course when I get home I'm glad I went. The YMCA is great. I have no time to get bored as they have so many classes, yoga, pilates, fitness in the pool along with all the equipment. The thing that keeps me going is mixing it up, not always doing the same thing. I have been to other gyms and didn't like them so it's great that this works for me and keeps me motivated. Also, many times my kids come with me which is nice.

The cute guy was fun at the moment but it's now getting old. I think he has issues and I laugh at myself because I found the attention flattering. It was at the time but when someone keeps staring at you and smiling it gives you the creeps after while :-)

I just ignore him now. This is my fourth month and that is another thing. If you go all the time, at least 5 x a week for a few months it becomes a habit.

Kate

(read a great article at the gym on living with Fybromyalgia. What foods to eat, allergies to some food that cause symptoms. Also it said to have acupuncture as it helps with the pain, TAKE supplements, get enough sleep and EXERCISE!

Hi Orchid,
I missed where you were?

I have a student here from Germany. My student that was with me for the past year from Columbia went home end of June. I miss him actually. He was a nice boy, caused me some grief but that is teenagers for you. He has called and emailed and said he is so grateful he had me as a home-stay parent. Asked if he could visit and of course I said yes.

Next week I am hosting a student from Wales as well in a sporting event with my son. There are still 15 players in need of beds so I felt I had to volunteer. It will be a full house for a few days. It's interesting as the students cultures are so different. You really notice it. We all learn from each other. It's such a great experience for my kids. (even though my son sometimes grumbles about it :-)

Kate.

Kate when our children were little, we had two teens from France stay with us for 10 days or so. What a great way to learn about other cultures.

What is your son's sporting event?

Yes, it is so nice to host people from other countries, especially teens. I enjoy them.

I actually have one student from Germany with me for the summer and now have two boys from Wales for a week. I had originally said I would take one but they were desperate to house these kids. Some people took four (they have huge homes) I now have two and it's ok. We have more than one bathroom at least :-)

They are rugby players. My son could have gone to England last summer but I just didn't have the extra funds. Hopefully I can save up for next year. He has travelled to places in Canada but really wants to go to New Zealand, Australia or England....Ireland, etc. etc. I hope he gets to go as it's an incredible experience for them.

These boys from Wales were in Seattle all last week playing, will be here for a week and then back home. Today they are playing my sons team and then after the game the parents are hosting a barbecue so I will be busy this evening.

Kate

I'm glad that this is great way to make a bit of money, but also have a variety of people for short periods.

How old is your son?

My son is 16, 17 in a month. I do have a 25 year old but he does not live with us. I have posted about him before as he has substance abuse issues.

Both my daughter and youngest son have enjoyed their visit with our guests.
Kate

I haven't seen or heard from my eldest son since the 28th. of June when he called to say he'd forgotten my birthday, as if I hadn't noticed. The longer he stays away. the less I find myself caring so he had best be careful. Sometimes you really do get what you ask for!!!! I just want to sell this house and get out of Dodge.

Still nothing from number two son. Ho-hum, guess a fat redhead who deserted her own two children has him right by the 'dingaling' and he isn't talking back to her... His father would roll over in his grave if he saw this happening.

OH boy chatty, I am going through the same thing. And it is easier the more time goes by. Nature protects us, and that is good.

Happily my soon to be ex DIL and I are very close friends. She feels betrayed and yet knows she was partly the cause of the split. We have been to a show, to lunch and I had her over for dinner. Just because they are getting a divorce does not mean I need lose a friend of 26 years does it?

Hi Chatty, I like your attitude with regard to staying close to your soon to be ex DIL. 26 years is a long time and I'm glad you are able to stay close to her.

The title of this thread brings to mind the advantages too.
Let's see, you can eat when you want; go where you want; spend what you want; watch what you want; cook if you'd like; get up
when your schedule dictates. If I thought about it much, I'll bet
there's a long list of goodies.

I've been waiting for you marriage advocates, to tell me where
to go with this.

Hi Jabber,

Well you are totally correct with your comments.

I recall from the five years I was divorced that this total freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted was one of the biggest perks of being single...

I recall mentioning this to a married client during that time. He'd come up with a great marketing idea that required traveling to a community 90 miles away, to attend a meeting and make a presentation. And to take advantage of it, we needed to leave within 30 minutes.

He was wheedling with me to get me to attend the meeting with him, but was apologetic over the fact that it was so spur of the moment...

Because my kids happened to be with my ex that week, the only person whose schedule I had to consult was me.

I told him this was one of the best things about being divorced, and he didn't like hearing that...

But the upshot was that we both made the trip and as a result, closed a significant deal...

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I was single until 36...I loved the freedom, hated the loneliness, craved someone to cuddle with, but could never find anyone worth giving up all of the benefits of being single until hubby came along. After he moved in with me (and I was a devoted Christian Catholic woman very active in the church at the time!) my life changed radically. It was very difficult to watch my freedom slowly being eroded, while at the same time it was wonderful having someone to share life and love with. (original post has been changed, sorry...nervous about who can read this). Sometimes it feels like the joys have outweighed the losses, but there are other times when that freedom looks very appealing. I don't know if the loneliness would be even more pronounced now though, after so many years of enjoying the companionship and warmth of another human heart nearby.

Hi Eagle Heart,

I know what you mean. I have been married twice, for a total of 33 of my 58 years on this earth.

Marriage has loads benefits, and I am certainly not looking to leave mine.

But at my high school reunion this past summer, I found myself talking to a friend I hadn't spoken with for at least 20 years, a man who had been a FRIEND - and nothing more - from third grade through the end of high school. (We attended the same church as well as the same schools, and had worked together with about 4 other friends to start up a high school youth group at our church which became very successful.)

Since then, we've only met at reunions, and only for short chats to "catch up" on our respective families -- including discussions of our parents and sibs...

So there we were, catching each other up on the last two decades of our lives over a beer, and I found myself saying that I was not sure I would marry again, should I ever again find myself in an unmarried state.

He got rather agitated about the discussion, and I think he thought I was saying I was unhappy...

The truth is, I am not at all unhappy with being married. I love being married - and I spend 24/7 with my husband, since we work together out of our home -- so this is saying a lot...

But I do think that should I, at some time in the future, find myself single, I would not seek out a new spouse. I would make sure I had access to plenty of friends, and I would certainly not be a recluse, but I don't think I would want to go through the work of trying to find someone equally special.

Maybe I just think there aren't that many good men left in the world who aren't already married... Or don't come with too much baggage...

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

When I divorced back in '93, I certainly didn't go looking for another partner. I was enjoying being by myself. But then I met my current partner in '95, we went out, had fun, and the rest, as they say, is history. I met quite a few 'frogs' in the 2 years I was single until I met my prince!

Anne, I can't imagine that I would ever want to marry again. As much as I've enjoyed aspects of being married, I've also found it to be much more exhausting and challenging than I could ever have imagined when I was single. While I would not have wanted to miss out on much of the past 17 years, especially the extensive traveling we've done together, if I'd known then what I know now, I'm pretty sure I would have turned around and gone in the other direction way back on that first date. But even that thought makes me shudder, because there WAS so much that I did enjoy and am grateful to have experienced.

It is what it is, and I'm grateful for all the joys and fun we've had together. I just wish we could find that joy and fun again.

Anne, Eagle, yonuh, and all interested parties,
I've been married 43 years of my 39 years on earth; and this is
my second marriage. I'm happy. WB and I spend 24/7 together; we're both retired. He's a wonderful human being. If I had to
rate him on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best, I'd say he's
an 11. But I don't think I'd ever marry again. My 1st and 2nd husbands were exact opposite. I like being married to WB.