Posted by: music3
Help with 20 year old step - 08/15/05 08:32 PM
I found your web site after searching the internet for advise and solutions.
Here is my situation. I have been married for 7 years. We have a blended family of his, hers and ours although his live with their mother and her husband (also married 7 years). My step daughter is 20, my step son 17, my son 10, and our children 6 and 4. Although his children did not attend our wedding (thier mother planned a ski trip for them) I have gotten along with both of them pretty well or so I thought.
We had a rocky start, but both his children came around and we saw a lot of them. We even moved closer to them about 3 years ago. As teenagers do, they began to spend less and less time with us to hang around more with friends.
When the kids were around and did something wrong, my husband was also very hesitate to discipline them because he was afraid they would choose to leave or not come around. He has said he can't punish them because they do not live with him. My step daughter found this to be a very useful technique to get whatever she wanted. She is 20 years old now and in college. She flunked out her first semester and turned on the tears to get her mom and dad to agree to send her back. They did and thankfully she did better. However, she has continued to use emotional blackmail to get what she wants from both of her parents. We pay 1/2 of her tuition and for a cell phone, which she has abused more than once. Over our last family vacation at a rented beach house, she showed up with 5 cases of beer and after a few days of continuing to breaking the rules (no drinking!) I had enough and told her she had to go home. It was a big scene and she told her father that she was no longer going to speak to him or make any attempt to see him. So far, she has not returned his calls or stopped around. We just got the latest cell phone bill and she went over by several hundred dollars. My husband called her, left a message on voicemail because she didn't answer that he want to talk to her about her bill and to please call him. She relayed a message through her brother that she would pay the overages.
My husband is reluctant to shut off her phone and stop paying her tuition. Although I understand his feelings, I disagree. My husband I am are going to a couselor because he has, in my opinion, allowed his daughters behavior to put a wedge between us.
By the way, my step son and I have a great relationship as does my son with my husband.
My step daughters behavior is causing a lot of tension as the other kids don't understand why she is not coming around anymore.
The counselor suggested that he have a meeting with his daughter and explain that he is concered over her character development (the underage drinking, not listening to the rules, lying about breaking the rules, and the continued cell phone abuse). She wont even call him back and is scheduled to leave for college in two weeks.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!
Here is my situation. I have been married for 7 years. We have a blended family of his, hers and ours although his live with their mother and her husband (also married 7 years). My step daughter is 20, my step son 17, my son 10, and our children 6 and 4. Although his children did not attend our wedding (thier mother planned a ski trip for them) I have gotten along with both of them pretty well or so I thought.
We had a rocky start, but both his children came around and we saw a lot of them. We even moved closer to them about 3 years ago. As teenagers do, they began to spend less and less time with us to hang around more with friends.
When the kids were around and did something wrong, my husband was also very hesitate to discipline them because he was afraid they would choose to leave or not come around. He has said he can't punish them because they do not live with him. My step daughter found this to be a very useful technique to get whatever she wanted. She is 20 years old now and in college. She flunked out her first semester and turned on the tears to get her mom and dad to agree to send her back. They did and thankfully she did better. However, she has continued to use emotional blackmail to get what she wants from both of her parents. We pay 1/2 of her tuition and for a cell phone, which she has abused more than once. Over our last family vacation at a rented beach house, she showed up with 5 cases of beer and after a few days of continuing to breaking the rules (no drinking!) I had enough and told her she had to go home. It was a big scene and she told her father that she was no longer going to speak to him or make any attempt to see him. So far, she has not returned his calls or stopped around. We just got the latest cell phone bill and she went over by several hundred dollars. My husband called her, left a message on voicemail because she didn't answer that he want to talk to her about her bill and to please call him. She relayed a message through her brother that she would pay the overages.
My husband is reluctant to shut off her phone and stop paying her tuition. Although I understand his feelings, I disagree. My husband I am are going to a couselor because he has, in my opinion, allowed his daughters behavior to put a wedge between us.
By the way, my step son and I have a great relationship as does my son with my husband.
My step daughters behavior is causing a lot of tension as the other kids don't understand why she is not coming around anymore.
The counselor suggested that he have a meeting with his daughter and explain that he is concered over her character development (the underage drinking, not listening to the rules, lying about breaking the rules, and the continued cell phone abuse). She wont even call him back and is scheduled to leave for college in two weeks.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!
![[Frown]](images/icons/frown.gif){kind=icon}
Sorry this took so long and hopefully you will get alot of good imput now.