Christmas w/adult steps...never happened yet!

Ok, not sure what to do, or if I should do anything.

DH and I have been married 9 years. Not ONCE has his kids offered to come HERE for Christmas. Granted, the first few years, DH was working (shift work) and before that he always worked Christmas since he was single.

So, do I say something (DSD lives 5 hrs away w/her DH, DSS lives a plane ride away) or should I be happy to spend ANY time with them AT any time, even if it's a few weeks before Christmas. The birth mother always seems to "get Christmas". These kids are 33 and 35.

We're probably boring to them since we have five dogs and a lonely house. I just get so irritated. DH says he wants them to "make their own decisions" but what gives? I dont' want to say anything without DH knowing first. I almost think he's afraid to ask them.

What should I do or not do??

Personally I would let sleeping dogs lie, in other words do nothing! Or at least discuss it with your husband and if he's agreeable you two together could either call and invite them up or write them a nice invitation and see what happens....You'll never know if you don't ask. But make sure DH is agreeble...my two cents.

Yeah, I just got to thinking. I've never formally invited them! Now I feel really badly. And I will convey that to them as well. Like, "Ya know, I got to thinking why our whole family has never spent a holiday together. And it's MY fault for never inviting you all!!"

I'll see how that flies.

I'd go ahead and ask them to come after talking to your husband about it.

They may actually prefer the peace and quiet in your house and find it comforting, not boring!

I had my husbands father and step-mom here for eleven Christmas' in a row. They'd stay with us for two or three days.

I miss her and wish she could be with us again. In fact, I liked her better than my father-in-law.

We rarely got asked down to Pa. where my husband is from. I had to do all the asking and begging.

I'd have really appreciated an invitation like yours so go ahead and try it. If they say no it's their loss, not yours and you can say you did try.

The worse that can happen is that they say "no". And perhaps you can make it another time.

Lynn

Better to have asked and heard no, than to never have asked at all....sound familar???

ok, I spoke with DH about it. And I mentioned this to his son:

"Ya know, Dad and I have been married nearly 10 years and we have never had you guys here for Christmas. I feel it's my fault for never officially inviting you". He says, "Well, our family was never 'like that'".

Hindsight: I wish I would have said "Yeah, but we CAN be that way".

I went on to tell him that I want him to know that this is his home as well. That we would LOVE to have our children here for Christmas just once!

DH says that we can "try" this with his daughter,but he thinks it won't work. The "MOM" is literally addicted to her kids and has pretty much control over them.

So, we'll see what happens.

in the meantime, I'm going to take someones advice and decorate for Christmas before DSD and her DH get here next week and WE will have Christmas in addition to our own little baby shower.

Di, I want you for a step-mother. You are so thoughtful of your husband's children. I hope he appreciates you for this.

Good for you DI and I bet you'll be happy you did. Even if it doesn't go well YOU put forth the effort and thats the main thing....I bet the decorations will make you feel more cheery and your husband to. Like I said earlier, you both count too so get with the program and be festive even if just for the two of you....

You gals are gonna be proud of me! After being very stubborn for almost two years, I invited my youngest stepson for Thanksgiving. We had a fun time and it went really well. My granddaughter said it was the best holiday she's ever had!

Over that hump!

Dianne,

GOOD FOR YOU! That's a milestone!

hugs!
d.

Dianne that is so cool. I can't imagine anyone not warmning up to you if they gives themselves half a chance....

Thanks!

I DID pray for a husband w/children since I could not have my own. And that prayer was answered. So you all are right. I need to be a "mother" and do what any "real" mother would.

I even send the birth mom a birthday card yearly and send a gift along for her with her daughter. I figure, if she is loved by my step-kids, then I need to show love as well. DH does not know this, but I must do what I feel the Lord leading me to do.

I'll let ya'll know how it goes next weekend. They'll only be there two full days. Too bad, but it WILL be full!Then we will not see them until after the baby is born which will be after mid Feb. (the DOWN side of divorce....I hate it!)

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dianne:
You gals are gonna be proud of me! After being very stubborn for almost two years, I invited my youngest stepson for Thanksgiving. We had a fun time and it went really well. My granddaughter said it was the best holiday she's ever had!

Over that hump!

---

I'm thrilled for all of you! We need to include steps, I think.