Adoption

Maybe its just me but don't we have enough poor children in the USA that need adoptive, loving parents? Whats with all these celebritys going to Tim-Buck-Two, to adopt a child. Granted they need homes too but shouln't we take care of our own first? Thoughts?

I did consider that position for a little while. What turned me around are the government and social care we have available in the West in contrast to the lack of safety nets available to those children in the Third World. We have available to our needy children foster homes and foster parents, free education and healthcare amongst other social benefits in place to avail of. So, perhaps if some choose to adopt from where there is this imbalance, then the most disadvantaged children can only benefit from it.

I think Oprah said to her viewers (on the show in which she went to Africa) that it is much "easier" to be poor in America than it is to be poor in the rest of the world.

I think she was right. The poor here in America have access to services that the poor of the rest of the world can only dream of.

My heart goes out to all children who are in need of homes. If we made it a priority, I am convinced more could be done to help those in need.

Donna

We have a shelter here in town for women and children who were abused and they are having a drive to collect clothing and anything else useful. I have a huge collection of stuffed animals and so I gathered them up and took them over to the shelter for the kids. Most were set aside to be wrapped up for Christmas but some were handed out right then and the looks on these little faces made me cry all the way home. I doubt I could survive if I had to see these kids and countless others in far worse condition and be able to do nothing. I guess maybe Oprah and others are right and I stand corrected, and humbled by the thought of poor children languishing anywhere in this world. Children are children and should never have to suffer from hunger or disease or anything else unpleasant...

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart because two of our children are adopted from Korea.

After suffering through four years of infertility, we wanted a healthy baby, and fast! At the time, you could apply for and receive a healthy child from Korea within one year. We applied, took the class, went through the home study (which all expecting parents should have to do) and had our healthy baby boy within nine months. We adored him so much, we turned around and filed for another baby, and our little girl arrived within nine months, during which time I became pregnant.

We did not adopt to save the world. We had more selfish reasons. We wanted a family.

Unfortunately, there was no quick easy way to adopt an American baby at the time so we chose foreign adoption.

I will never understand why it is so difficult here in America to adopt, they are always complaining that there are so many children needing homes. Go figure!!

chatty, isn't that the truth!

After watching a tv show on older children that needed to be adopted, I checked into it. Almost all of them had mental health issues or illness so maybe people in America don't feel they are qualified to take on these problems?

Dianne, and neither were we. We filed for healthy babies.

Well gals...I was born in America and raised in America.
In fact, my birth mom and siblings lived within miles of me, all my life. And I knew it. I felt it in my spirit.
It wasn't until my adopted parents both died, that I found my birth family. I was abandoned at 25 months old. I found my mom again, when I was 50. Birth mom and I socialized for 5 years before her death. My adoptive folks, adopted 3 kids; all were 6 years apart in age; and all were from different families and abusive situations. So, you see, Americans do adopt their own. Of course, our case was back in the fifties. Hummmm, whatever! Just thought I'd throw this into the mix!!!! Luv ya,

bonnierose, did you really know they lived close by or did you just feelit? Did your adotive mom tell you about them wehn you were young? And one last question...did you wait to search until your adoptive parents were gone for a reason?

Unfortunately, our kids who are adopted from Korea will never get to meet their birth parents. At this stage of the game I don't think it matters to my son, but my daughter would probably love to meet her birth parents. She has always been more inquisitive about her birth story.

Dotsie,
At 25 months of age, I was too old not to be traumatized by abandonment. I knew I belonged somewhere other than where I was but I didn't know where that was. My adoptive mom tried to see how much damage my birth mom had done and she took me to Children's Hospital for physical tests, then to a shrink for emotional evaluation. I remembered my birth name from a hospital loudspeaker summons. Over the years, every woman who gave me the least bit of attention, was my imaginary real mom. NO; I didn't know for sure birth family were nearby. I felt it in my spirit. My adoptive mom never talked about it. I didn't want to hurt her, so I waited until dad and she graduated into the spirit, before I seriously searched for biological kinfolk. After I did, I wished I hadn't. The trauma was compounded. I was rejected a second time. My birth mom had abandoned all eleven of her kids, at different stages in their lives. Most of my siblings were jealous that I was adopted...and on and on it goes. Today, I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) but it isn't totally from that. Other issues contributed, as well. The reason I searched is because, identity is a huge thing when you're not sure who you are. I wanted to know why I was left; what had happened that my mother didn't want me. The answer was: I came from a family where four generations of women had been abused. Need I say more?
Your kids, Dotsie, are probably victims of economic instability. That's different.
Whatever you do, good luck!!!!
Luv,
BRose

Bonnie, thanks for sharing. I hope you don't mind. I'm so sorry your mom wouldn't talk about adoption when you were little. We were told from the get-go to be open so we have. You mentioned knowing your birth mom for five years. I hope she was able to answer all your questions. I honestly wish someone could answer my children's questions should the time come when they want to know more. That's one of the sad parts about foreign adoption. There is so much unknown.

Dear Dotsie,
I don't mind questions. If there's any way I can shine some light on the child's emotional viewpoint, I'd be glad to help. In my day, the old folks were tight-lipped. My adopted folks would not talk about it. When I met my birth mom, she was extremely secretive and guilt-ridden. She said very little. She had hurt a lot of people and the ripple effect swept over hundreds of offspring. It was two weeks before Christmas '94 when I found her. At first, she wanted no part of me. The second time I went back, she said, "I've got 43 grandchildren, no more family is needed." I visited her on Tuesday. I took her groceries. I took her out to lunch. Eventually, I got her a new apartment not far from where I lived. She cottoned to having me around after a while. Most of my siblings held grudges and had nothing to do with her. I, and my "Pastor" sister, was about all she had in the end. Mom liked men. Mom liked babies. That was about all she liked. The questions that were answered, were answered by intuition and observation. Verbal communication was in short supply. But I spent my life wanting to know who I was. Now I know. And it isn't a pretty picture!!!!
Ciao for now.

yeah, but who you are doesn't have to be based on who your birth parents were. Do you think?

You should have no regrets. You were so kind to her.

Dotsie,
My adoptive parents were the most wonderful examples of warmhearted, loving humans anyone could imagine. I'd like to think I take after them. At least I hope I have some of their attributes. Thanks. And Happy New Year

Dear Dotsie,
I am so happy to hear you're open about the adoptions. I now believe, that in my case, my adoptive mom was hush, hush, because birth mom lived so near. She may've been afraid that the woman would return and take me away. But my adoptive mom kept my brother and sister's adoptions secret, too. They were from different backgrounds. And remember, that was back in the late '40S. Personal things were kept quiet, in those days. It's good to share all you know about your children's history with them. They'll respect U for that in days to come.
I respect that sort of forthrightness. I think, it's human nature to wonder about one's identity. Adopted kids, have a tendency to question why they weren't wanted, even if unavoidable circumstances cropped-up.
I'd like to take this opportunity to "Thank you" for starting this site. And say, "I really appreciate being allowed to vent my hurting emotions in such a caring forum."
Ciao for now,
B.Rose

Bonnie, I used to wish I was adopted because it would explain so much. I even ordered two copies of my birth certificate, going over them carefully, looking for clues. Didn't find any though.

I didn't find an adoption thread so I thought I would post here.

My 12 year old daughter is adopted. We've had her since she was 6 months old. We used to be foster parents and didn't intend to adopt any of them, however, the courts took so long to finalize Jennifer's case that she was 5 1/2 years old by the time they got through. We were the only family she knew and by then my whole family was in love with her so we had to keep her. She's like an only child with 3 daddys. My sons are 21 and 24.

Jennifer has fetal alcohol effects. When she was a baby we thought she was retarded. She just laid there. She had no muscle tone and didn't walk until she was 18 months old. Physical therapists came out and worked with her to help her learn to walk. She's always been behind in motor skills and maturity. Her mind is sharp as a tack. She can remember names and numbers better than any of my family. She has to use an alpha smart (sort of like a small laptop) at school because no one can read her hand writing. She was making poor grades in first grade on her spelling tests and I went to the school and talked to her teacher. I told her I couldn't understand why Jennifer was flunking her spelling tests. We would go over them the morning before her test and she knew them all. Her teacher started giving her the test verbally and discovered Jennifer in fact knew her spelling words.

Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to tell someone about our miracle baby. Many of the children in America have been ruined by drugs and alcohol abuse and the court system takes too long to sever the parent's rights. The only reason Jennifer is where she is today is because she wasn't in a typical foster home full to capacity. (we only took a couple of children at a time) and we gave her the love and attention she needed. When that happens those children are usually kept by the foster parents instead of going for adoption. I know of one family who has adopted four children and they had three of their own.

We need to change the court system so that these babies aren't left in the system until they are older and less adoptable.

Laurel

You sound so proud of her, Laurel. She's one lucky girl to have you and your family!

There was an article in yesterday's newspaper about some foster parents being arrested. They had been housing 11 foster kids and were receiving over $100,000 per year in payments and government subsidies. This all came out as they were arrested for child abuse and sexual abuse.

These kind of people give fostering a bad name, so I love to hear stories like yours, Laurel.

Kathy

There are angels on earth.

Thank you for sharing your story Laurel. I don't understand bureaucracy either. If it weren't so complicated and drawn out thousands more could be helped. Do politicians ever have this as an issue? I wonder.

Laurel, what a great story. Your daughter is blessed and I'm you you feel as though you are too. How is your daughter doing in school today?

She does okay. She's in a couple special classes and uses her alpha smart. It's so funny when she writes us a note. We can sorta decipher it but some letters we have to guess at.

We have to really watch her because she has many of the classic fetal alcohol symptoms. They never meet a stranger and are very affectionate with everyone. She thinks if they introduce themselves she now knows them. Scary. I closely monitor her internet usage. She has severe ADHD and is all over the place. She keeps us going. I often feel like I'm too old to keep up with her. It takes both my husband and myself and even then we fall short. We keep a sense of humor about it. We thank God every day for her progress because she has baffled the doctors. They didn't expect her to come this far. She was classified as fetal alcohol syndrom as an infant. A few years ago they had to reevaluate her diagnosis as fetal alcohol effects with severe ADHD. She's very immature. She acts like a 7 year old in some ways but she's smart and can carry on a conversation with an adult.

Laurel

Laurel,
What a great story. It's so good to hear something good about the young people who will soon be running our country. And about the people who love them enough to help them be the best they can be.

Thanks for the good news.
smile

Laurel in the dictionary under the word MOTHER should be your picture, not step or foster, but just plain MOTHER. You deserve it....