A problem...sort of

Here's the situation. My step-son, LW is a really great young man...23, been in the Navy for about 6 months and is finally at his permanent duty station. We get along great. Here's the problem: Shouldn't a grown man who's in the Navy be responsible for his mail? He doesn't want it coming to the base because he says he doesn't want to have to wait the extra few days to get to his quarter deck. He visits about 3 times a month and the base is only an hour and a half from his family. The base has a post office and he could get his own PO box but he's balking at that. He lived with his mom just until he went into the Navy and he pushed a lot of his responsibilies on her. From what we hear he's still having her do some things for him and now he's sending his mail to our home. His other reason for wanting us to get and keep his mail until he visits is because he'll be going to Japan for six months and he doesn't want his mail to pile up on the base. My son was in the Navy, too, and went on deployment and he simply had his mail forwarded to him. The problem I foresee if LW is going to have bills eventually again and if we get the bills he'll want to expect us to take care of them. (gut feeling here). His dad is being passive about it because...he's passive about things like this. I'm more of a stand up and be responsible for your own stuff kind of person. My boys went into the military right out of high school and were always responsible for their life and the responsiblites that goes with it.
LW went bankrupt because he would not do what was necessary and had his mom handle things...which, she didn't do and he blames her for his bankruptcy. I think it's his fault because he did not take charge of his own banking. I just do not think a grown man needs to be having his dad and me doing the mail thing for him when he's perfectly able to receive it at his base. It looks to me more of LW wanting someone else to handle his business than LW handling it himself. HIs dad did tell him last weekend that he needed to get a PO box. LW fussed because he said he didn't want to have to do all the paperwork necessary to get the address changed. ??? Isn't that part of life? We have to do things we don't like to do because well...it's just part of life? This is the attitude I'm talking about. He's trying to keep it on us because he's lazy.
Any thoughts ladies?

Since your husband is being so passive, I'd take the entire problem and dump it in his lap. I've learned from experience that with this type of personality you can talk until your lips drop off but if you just step away and let them handle it, they learn.

Thanks Dianne. My husband says he's talked to him...LW is coming this weekend and his glasses arrived in my mail box this morning along with other mail for him. The place LW ordered his glasses from isn't more than five miles from the base but he had them shipped to our address in the next state. I just cannot figure this out.
When he comes this weekend my husband is going to ask him what he's done to change his mail. I did find out one thing. If LW doesn't do anything we can go to the PO and have his mail routed to quarter deck address from this address. I called the base and got the address of his quarter deck and talked with the post office chief on base. He told me that LW should fill out a change of address but if he doesn't then we can do it which will make his mail go to the base with or without him doing something...so, we'll see what happens this weekend.

Don't you just wonder sometimes if you ever get them raised?

Update...my SIL finally changed his address...he's been distance but not unreachable. It amazes me how step-children can't stand for their step-parent having any say in what they do even when it is an invasion on the step-parent. I've ignored his behavior and continue to keep in touch with him like before. He's slowly thawing out albeit slow.

I'm glad you and hubby found a solution for your stepson...on this "small" problem which the tip of something bigger.

It'll take time for him to thaw. Probably a LONG time since his loyalty/closeness will always be greatest to his birth mother. You know it won't be the same...as having your own son(s) that you raised from birth. They sound like great guys for you to be proud of at least.

Same here. Sounds like to me that you and hubby have regained complete control of your lives and have stopped letting the "laws" run it for you. There's a reason they are called "OUT-laws." They should be OUT!

Kudos!

Does anyone on here have probs with their step-children and/or husband???! I feel like i'm out on a wire here!!! Never done a chat room in my life... desperately seeking comaraderie!
Thanks!

I did in the past. What can I (we) do to help you?

HI dottsie55...I think the question should be: who hasn't ever had a problem with Hubby, kids, family in general...This is a great place to vent and to get some advice if you want it.

I sent her an email and asked her to come on back...

Problems with step children..yes!!! Am in the middle of all that now. My step child is 11 almost 12 yrs old. My hubby..well, I divorced him a few years ago..after many many years of trying,fumbling, thinking and loving. I have man that I live with now..who is quite a few years younger than me. Oyes, and I have 5 children and 4 grandchildren.

This is the place to talk and get advice..or just talk. I am pretty new to this forum myself, but have all ready got alot of help and support along the way... and don´t forget the laughs..they are here too.

So..whatcha waitin´for???

Dottie55, you'll be amazed how many of us suffer from the same problems. I use to think I was the only one with one problem or another, then found this forum and was taken back by all the support and advice so freely and lovingly given. No guilt, no fingers pointed, just love and understanding...

Update on the above issue...Step son is okay now...we email (he's in Japan on assignment with the Navy). The other problem (my step-DIL) and I no longer communicate...and I just don't worry about it. Life goes on...with or without certain people in our lives...we just have to make the most of what we get dealt and appreciate those who love us back.

Here, here Dee, great post!!!! Thats what I have had to do because of my son being missing from my life now for 13 years. You're right, life does go on, and there are people that will love us back...

Chatty,

Sorry to hear about your son...we must focus on those who resond back to us and pray for those who don't. Bless you sweetheart.

Dee, I like your attitude. It's healthy. You have two boys, right? How many step-children?

Thanks Dotsie.
Yes, 2 sons...Ray 36 and John 30. Three step-children...Danielle 30 (never see her), Grady 26 (rarely see him), and Larry Wayne Jr. (in Japan with the Navy till Christmas).

Dotsie, it's the only way I can be and be okay with it all.
He doesn't reach out to me like he used to but that's okay, too. I don't let it bother me anymore.

Dee, I thought I saw my son last night at a car dealership, and made a u-turn on the highway to check, but no one was there by the time I was able to turn around. I was sick to my stomach all night...

OMGosh, Chatty...I'm so sorry I'm just now getting around to seeing this...I wish I had answered sooner. I cannot imagine what you must be going through...I don't know the details of your situation but my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you go went through this.

Chatty, perhaps one day you'll see him ..when it's good.