boomer women and in-laws

Something came to mind while reading another post form Ex-pat.

If you are married and have/had in-laws, especially a mother-in-law, did you spend more time with them/her than your husband?

Dotsie...interesting question. My in-laws are great but no, I don't spend more time with them than with Larry. We get to see each other once a week...which is nice.

Actually, my mother in law from my first marriage (I'm on marriage #2 now, 17 yrs strong, and there WILL NOT BE a #3, believe me) was a lot like me, and we got along great. Seems like my then-husband married me becuz I was so much like mom. However, down the road a ways, it became apparent that, Mom was the #1 woman in his life, the one he shared with, and clung to, and no other woman, even his wife (me) could compete with that. It was the primary reason for the split, I believe... Not feeling sorry for myself or anything, but it was an interesting experience (I can say that now, 21 yrs after the divorce).

So, I started out loving my mother in law a lot, and ended up, feeling different about her.

Having said that Dotsie, even though I spent more time with MIL/FIL, it still wasn't a lot of time. They were very active in their retirement and were always out golfing, etc. That unfortunately, meant they didn't spend a lot of time with my kids. However, when it got to the point where FIL could no longer golf and he got a mobility scooter, he would occasionally come along to our house and see his grandchildren, which was nice.

Oh, and yes, hubby now seems to be spending more time with her, which is great. I've always felt sorry for her that he didn't see her on a regular basis. We were only 5 minutes from her house, too!

And what a coincidence, Olgraymare! Unbeknown to me, until a recent spell of marriage counselling, my hubby was apparently doing the same, i.e. getting advice from his mother when our children were first born. Two incidents, in particular, always upset me with him and they were apparently the ones where he asked her advice instead of listening to my feelings/opinion. However, it's in the past and I'm filing for divorce anyway.

Up until now she has been very amicable about it and my children and I have recently visited with her. So, even though I, too, feel differently towards her, she's always been nice to me and I hope to continue the relationship, if it's possible. (Father in law passed away 9 years ago.)

I hope I am a good mother-in-law to my DILS. We seem to gret along just fine all the time, laughing and being there for one other. Like a girlfriend!

cahtty, that's a whole other topic. How are boomer women fairing as mother-in-laws?

When my kids were little, and my MIL was living, I saw more of her than Ross did. I was a stay at home mom and we would often do activities with the kdis during the day. We had to be intentional about making time to do things while Ross was home so she could see him.

I called her more often and really kept the doors open, though I was blamed for her not seeing enough of the kids as they got older. Whatever.

I am a mother in law
I am really lucky because my daughter in law can be really vindictive. She does not like my mother. It's UGLY. she likes me.
I'm lucky!!!

Like Olgraymare I'm on my 2nd marriage. And there isn't enough
money in the world, to make me spend more time with a MIL than
my husband. MY 1st MIL and I did not have a great relationship.
WB mom and I started out okay, but that relationship has
deteriorated in recent years. I'm very easy going but I think
some mom's don't think any woman is good enough for their little
boys. My son's wife and I get along; as long as he's happy that's
all that matters to me.

I ditto that, jabber.

I get along with both of my DILs. I would wish a bit more closeness to them, though. Sometimes they distance themselves from me, or at least I think so.

My granddaughter’s mother is always very friendly and chummy when she’s with me, but when she’s away, I never get a call from her or my granddaughter. I find that hard to swallow considering we raised her child for a year and a half. You would think there would be a “special” connection between us;…but there isn’t. Maybe it’s jealousy, because our granddaughter is still emotionally connected to us in a big way. I don’t know, There are many things that I don’t really understand. But then sometimes out of the blue, I’ll receive a letter or pretty card from my DIL telling me how she loves me and is so thank full how well we raised her daughter while she was gone. It’s like the realization suddenly over comes her. And then I don’t hear anything for months. Weird, heh?

My other DIL is a jolly gal, who I can laugh a lot with. At the same time, she’s very dominant towards my son, and I have witnessed some things that have rubbed me the wrong way…but I kept my mouth shut, and hide my concern.

I have so much to do with my mom and work and my husband….all I want is harmony with everyone else.

I agree. Harmony is all any of us need.

I love my DIL with all my heart. She is like a daughter to me. My other son isn't married but if he does, regardless of his wife, I will stay out of their lives unless invited in, and will make every effort to be friendly, yet remain in the background. I truly want my DIL(s) to shine. This isn't always possible and I can say that NOW because the girl my youngest is with IS NOT, in my opinion, the DIL I would want...but it isn't my choice. If he does marry her, I will show her the same respect she will hopefully show my son. If she doesn't, then she will get the same from me. If she makes him happy, I'm her best friend. I will NOT interfere; however. I will simply be there if he needs me.

Clear as mud?

Yes, it is! Clear as mud!

I think it would be fun having you as a MIL!

When she starts complaining about my son, I laugh, turn her to face me and say, "Look at me. Straight in the eyes. Now listen....you CAN NOT GIVE HIM BACK!"

I say it slowly so there is no mistake. We both end up howling.

Well my first MIL hated me, said I was too sexy for my own good...

My second husbands mother was dead, her opinion wasn't nown, LOL!!!

Never met number three's mother, they have been estranged for 40 years.

Harmony - isn't that all any of us want in our relationships at this stage of the game?

I'm a ong way off from daughter-in-laws. Neither son is in a relationship.

Don't you wonder if the word outlaw inspired the word MIL! LOL! Just kidding!