pitching in

With the holidays fast approaching, I'm wondering how much help we get from our spouses...

Do you ask for help?

Are you specific about what you want them to do?

Do you assume they won't help...and stew about it?

Who's cooking at your home this Thanksgiving?

Are you splitting the chores?

My husband surprised me MONDAY by suggesting that we clean house together. Usually he waits until 15 minutes before a holiday starts before he agrees to do anything, and usually that's after a lot of fighting. I think he's still trying to make up for the last holiday he ruined.

We cleaned for an hour Monday, 90 minutes Tuesday and maybe 90 more today. The house is as clean as it's going to get for now. We have an arbitrary division of labor: he vaccuums, cleans the kitchen and washes the downstairs floor; I clean all 3 bathrooms, all mirrors and glass except windows (which no one does ) Dusting is "whoever".

My husband enjoys preparing food so we plan/chop/cook/clean up together.

He's been so helpful I think I have the Stepford clone instead of the real husband. I'm still waiting for the fighting to begin.

Meredith, This Thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful for YOUR husband. Even if he turns into an ogre tomorrow, I'm thankful for all the love he's pouring into today and yesterday and Monday.
You deserve it.
smile

Meredith, did you clean your jewelry making area, or do you keep that spotless?

I LOVE the Christmas jewelry I ordered from you. The combo of crystal beads with the little red ones looks so sweet with the green trees. I can't wait to give them.

Also, I saw a pair of ear rings (like the pink beaded ones on your home page)at Nordstrom and they were $100.00. I think your were prettier and they were $40.00. I thought you should know that!

[ November 26, 2004, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

I'd much rather my husband didn't help with the meal preparations and clean up afterward. I'm a bit of a control freak and if it isn't done how I like, I get a bit freaked out.

The best thing my dh can do for me is to stay out of my way. He is very good at that.

After dinner and after the dishes are put in the dishwasher, my hubby goes outside and puts up the Christmas decorations. And there our roles reverse. The best job I can do for him is staying out of his way.

This is what works best for us.

HI,
I just wanted to share that my husband was very helpful, he peeled and cut apples for the apple pies I was baking and then he cleaned up the kid's toys and vacuumed the family room. So he was very helpful.

Angel

Dotsie, one of mottoes is "Nordstrom quality at half the price." My "target customer" for the pricier items is a Nordstrom shopper and they always agree! Almost all of my expensive chandelier earrings ($40-90) have sold out this season, including the front page pair on my website although I can make more. Website BTW is inaccessible again, par for the course with ivillage. These earrings take me 2-3 hours each to make so it's hard to keep up with production.

I dusted my jewelry room a few weeks ago, 3 hours just for that. It's dusted on a "friend or customer coming over" basis. I need a certain amount of ongoing organization in my workspace or I can't find anything. Sometimes, though, I have several projects going at once (like, there are still aventurine trees on the desk... probably until Christmas sales are over.) On the 1-10 scale of Clean & Organized (10 being anal) my room usualy hovers between 6-8.

NO FIGHTS at all yesterday!!! Now my husband wants to drag me out for the "one day only" sales for electronics. I hate Friday after Thanksgiving sales, but he's been so "good" I said yes. I'll bring crossword puzzles for the checkout line waits. Gotta go!

Meredith I am so happy that your man has been behaving himself this holiday, maybe he's finally realized what a treasure he has in you. Oh, I boxed Judys jewelry yesterday and am sending it probably on the 8th of Dec. I have to wait for a check first. I am also mailing some Mystery books back to the author to be signed and sent back to me at the same time I mail the jewelry. Hope his good nature lasts through the Christmas holidays as well. My ex will be at my son's for Christmas too. We get along fine and actually I enjoyed having him there on Thanksgiving. Will wonders never cease???

chatty, did you buy some of Meredith's jewelry too?

Meredith, boy has your husband's attitude changed since you started posting in this forum. I'm so happy for you. I hope you made the most of the shopping trip.

Chatty, I bet your ex was tickled to be included with your Thanksgiving activities. I'm sure you made his day. A kiss on the cheek, huh?

No I didn't buy any of Merediths jewelry yet. I am sending some to her to break down and recreate or whatever she wants to do with it. Along the line of her "trading post." Yes, my ex was thrilled and actually I was happy that my son & daughter-in-law invited him. He has many hang-ups but is a caring and thoughtful man for the most part. We all always have alot of fun together. He is invited for Christmas as well. All of his natural family has passed away so he is pretty much alone without us. He is an avid animal lover as I am and thats a very big plus in my book. He called last night just to talk and wants to take me to dinner, says he has something on his mind....

Life with my husband is a certified roller coaster. Only two weeks ago he started a screaming frenzy so bad I walked out of the house and stayed at a friend's overnight. Didn't even tell him I was going and waltzed in the next afternoon around 2:30. I was still really upset about his bad temper and verbal abuse so I wouldn't speak to him for 36 hours straight. Then he was all apologetic. Ho hum. I've learned not to expect much from him and am satisfied if we're not fighting.

He's an unhappy negative person and things won't really change until he makes up his mind to change, which I don't think will happen. This was just a respite. My life goes on without him mostly. He keeps burning bridges and I've thrown the repair kit into the water. I quit. Sometimes (like this past weekend) he tries to be helpful and nice. That's fine, and I'll do my best too, but there's nothing in the world that will resurrect this marriage.

All the items we wanted to buy were snatched up by the 6am crowd. No biggie; it still was a fun day.

Mine helps all the time. Actually, he probably does more than I do. On Thanksgiving, the only thing he is supposed to have to do is get the beer out of the fridge so there is room for the turkey, get the ice, vacuum and watch football. Then he has to carve the turkey and mash the potatoes.

This year, he ended up having to do more because of our turkey mishap. He had to go out at 9AM on Thanksgiving morning and look for another bird. He really saved the day when he actually found one. It was about eleven pounds more than we needed but it was a turkey. Did I mention that he also ended up making turkey soup? A lot of turkey soup.
Louisa

Louisa, I think your turkey story is worth writing. I've never heard of a bad bird.

Chatty, I hope you'll keep us posted with what he has on his mind. I can't wait to hear. When are you going to dinner?

Meredith, have you left to stay at a friend's home before? If not, perhaps he got the message and that's the reason for the change of heart. Maybe you should do it every time he acts up. Nothing like learning the natural consequences for your behavior at his age...but better late than never! Don't you think?

Going to dinner tonight about 7:00 PM. I am wondering myself but I know he hates living alone and was a very happy man on Thanksgiving so who knows....Hey, I'm no walk in the park to live with either.....

Dotsie, when things calm down around here, I think I will write that bad bird story.

Chatty, I'm curious too.
Louisa

Chatty, please tell...

Well amen and pass the Oreo's. CHATTY? You there? And?????

p.s. Louisa, I'm with Dotsie...I think you should write up the Bad Burd story...I really do!

JJ

I was picked up on time time to the second and whisked away to the Hacienda Casino's Seafood house for a wonderful dinner. Small talk was uneventful and pleasant, food good as always. After dinner we went to a lounge and sat at a small table near the dance floor. There was soft music and a roaring fire in the fireplace. We sipped hot chocolate and he proceeded to tell me how sorry he was for all the times he took me for granted. He also stated that his Life Insurance policy names me as beneficiary and that I and Jason are his sole heirs. I smiled and nodded and asked if he liked the fire? He said, "I'd take you for ice-cream but I know you don't eat it anymore." We left and before I could exit the car, he said: "You know Bunny, his nick name for me, I am making alot of money and it would be better to give it to you than strangers, don't you think?" I say wide eyed, "why whatever do you mean?" He said; " Iwould like to come a live here at the house again, no strings, and pay you rent." I cooley looked him right in the eye and asked, "how much rent?" He said he's paying $850.00 now for a one bedroom and hates it. I said, "well you realize alot comes with this house, like the 2 club houses, 2 pools, 3 jacuzzis, 2 libraries, 2 game and exercise rooms plus you'd have your own bath and storage for all your crap and pretty much run of the house and that doesn't come cheap. If I rented a room I'd want no less than $1500.00 a month and you pay your own food, and clean up after yourself." He didn't say anything, he reached over and kissed my cheek and said, "great evening babe, should I come in?" I said, "nope and thanks for dinner." Got a call about an hour later and he said he would like to take me up on my offer and that he agreed to the terms and would pay one month security deposit. So I think I may have a new/old roommate as of December 1st. Strictly business on my end anyway....I'll allow him to try his darndest to win me over any way he can, BUT no more marriage for this girl even if he turns into a Saint...I have to be honest here and say, he isn't a bad guy and is very funny at times. My animals love him and so do the rest of my family. This could be fun and Lord knows one can never have too much money coming in....

Now just hold your horses for a minute dear Lady...I'll give you "2" grand, buy your food, clean up after you AND your animals and... oh yeah...I don't do windows.

Oops...I forgot about MOH there for a minute hee hee. (maybe next year)

Hope it all works out for you both. One never knows.

If he turns into a saint have him stuffed and put him up for bids on EBay...first ever's bring a bundle...AND

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This could be fun and Lord knows one can never have too much money coming in....

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All in jest - chick