Well, allrighty then...

Diana, thanks for sharing. You may help open some eyes that need opening.

You mention counselors. Finding a good counselor is key. How many people have been given poor advice from someone they trusted to give them good guidance? Perhaps their scope of expertise is too broad. I don't believe counselors can speak to all areas of need. That's why it's important to research and get recommendations from trusted friends. Zero in on the perfect counselor for your specific need.

Dotsie, I believe that many counselors struggle with their own problems and also dealing with the emotions that come from having to help fix hopelessness that they sometimes miss the human element to each story. That human element is different and not textbook. Each situation is unique and requires close scrutiny by a wise and insightful individual to really get to the root of the problems.

The worst advice I ever heard from counselors was a marriage counselor during my first marriage who in front of me told my then husband that he should NEVER tell me about his indiscrections and affairs and that in the future he should just keep these things to himself. Trust me, you can have knocked me over with a feather, I looked at the counselor and said "Let me get this straight, you are encouraging my husband to not only continue to indulge destructive behavior that further isolates him from our marriage, keeps him self centered but potentially could put my health at risk b/c of STD's and an emotional divorce?" The guy stammered around and finally quibbed back with "well, him being honest with you hurts you." I was ticked...I said "No, HIM being UNFAITHFUL hurts me. The TRUTH is liberating." and I walked out.

The worse advice I ever received from a Pastor was also in my first marriage...I was young young young...and very green in my thinking and my then husband was presenting sexual situations that would involve not keep our marital relationship just between the two of us - I asked my Pastor what I should do because I felt that this kind of behavior was wrong and I didn't want to have any part of it. He looked at me, and told me straight up that I was not a "submitted wife" and needed to do whatever my husband asked me. Wow, I left the church at this time...it was not until I met Mike that I realized how wonderful being a "submitted wife" could be and that a husband who is doing what is right Loves and does not "seek his own".

DallasGal, are you sure you weren't married to my ex? Hold my hair back while I puke.

Hopefully your nausea is from the very horrible advice I was given by so-called "professionals" and not the idea of my enjoying being a submitted wife to a husband who puts my needs before his own?

I know I for one really thrive in my second marriage which is based on my meeting my husband's needs while he is meeting mine, instead of what was happening to me in my first marriage where hubby could not be faithful and thought everything in a marriage should be open and a part of our marriage, except common sense.

My 2nd marriage has been blessed with some wonderful advice. I especially like the advice from my in-laws when they told us to "Enjoy each other!"

I'm puking from the horrible advice you were given in regards to the sexual situation.

Well, the interesting thing in the both the counselor and the Pastor were left by their wives who had affairs with other men...makes ya wonder if their opinions changed any when it was their own lives affected.

I doubt it. They will both probably continue to blame the woman.