Something positive about marriage

Today, my husband and I celebrate having been married for 10 years!

We were married at the tender ages of 23 (not common for gen xers).

It's been quite a ride and many years were very, very tough. We wondered if we would make it or not.

A couple of years ago we declared that divorce was NOT an option. We made a promise under God and in front of our family and friends. That made a difference for us.

Since at least 50% of marriages end up in divorce, we feel pretty special!

Congratulations Stacy!

That is so huge! What are you doing to celebrate?

danita

Nothing beats a marriage that works...good for you both and keep up the good work...

Congratulations,Stacy,
When you find someone who makes you believe in forever you are truly blessed

Congratulations! My husband and I are coming up on 8 years. Although marriage is definitely not easy, it is great to be with someone that will accept your apologies day after day and someone that will come home each day from work and remind you that of all the women in the world, he comes home to YOU.

We just celebrated our 11th. I noticed that my husband has become a "putzer." We're leaving the house and I'm in the car waiting and he's inside putzing. Is this something that comes with age?

Yes... my husband and I celebrated 21 years together on Sept. 1.

I've sit in the car waiting and waiting. Only to go in and find him sitting in front of the T,V.
It's always....well I didn't know you wanted to go right now.

Thought for awhile it was his hearing, he worked around jet planes in the Navy.
Other times, I wonder if he's doing it on purpose.

Let one of his buddies mention something about going to the gun range, he'll hear that when spoken in a whisper.

Strange not sure it's just a quirk or what but, you can tell him someting one day and the next day, if the subject is brought up...he doesn't always remember who told him or what day it was told on.

Anyone find that happening?

..

Stacy, congrats!
My husband and I, this is both our second marriages, have been married 20 yrs. Most of it has been wonderful! God and true love and comittment takes care of it all!

Congratulations to you and hubby. What did you do to celebrate?
chick

Me thinks they are still out celebrating. I've called her twice this wk.end, and no response.

Party on Stacy!

Danita

With 2 little boys and having been on a non-stop whirlwind over the last month, we rented some movies and snuggled on our new living room furniture!

The old set was purchased 10 years ago....and we got it used!

The new stuff came a week ago ~ kinda practical, BUT we were very careful to purchase something we could snuggle in while watching movies!

AND, the day after was our big boy's 4th birthday!
We did fun stuff as a family.

One day, me and hubby plan to take that much needed romantic getaway!!

Come to Vegas and you can seed Paris, Italy, New York and Scotland and even Egypt without ever leaving the Las Vegas strip....oh so romantic too!

Chatty, David and I are discussing going to Vegas around Christmas!

[ October 24, 2005, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

FANTASTIC... we can get together at long last and party...if not I may see you in April anyhow down there.

My highschool sweetheart and I have been married for 38 years. He still makes my heart go pitter pat!

Chuck and I have been married for 36 years. I married my best friend, and that friendship is the glue that has held us together through good times and bad.

That's great to hear, Jackie. I wish I could say the same.

The happy marriage stories brought tears to my eyes. You all are so lucky to have what you've worked so hard to get.
Keep up the wonderful work!
Lynne

My husband and I will be marking our 25th. on
Christmas Eve day. I don't say "celebrate" because right now, it feels more like a chore to be married. When I hear that someone is married to their soul mate or that they are still in love, I get the tears, too. But vows are a promise, not a feeling...

I'm so sorry to hear you say that Western, I've been married for 28 years now and we have definitely had our ups and downs. I hope yours will take a turn for the better very soon!

I also married my best friend, the second time around. This past 21 years have just breezed by.
Can't imagine life without him...what a treasure.

Thanks, TV. My husband is not a bad guy, by any means. But I met him when I wsa 17 and he was the first guy who loved me back. After that, I never planned anything, just let my life happen. I got pregnant and my mom bugged us to get married (she was embarassed)so we did. Now 25 years and 8 kids later, I find myself not in love with him. And we never got the chance to be
best friends. It's sad and I feel guilty for not being able to love him properly, at least right now. He's at least trying to understand and give me some space.
But I am very happy for all of you that are married to your soul mates...

My hubby and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversay (and my parents are celebrating their 50th) next year. I'm hoping to take my husband on an Alaska cruise to celebrate! I married my best friend too--I think that is the best advice to give young people these days on how to make it work! After all, the sizzle goes, but the conversation remains (or not!).

Western Bluebird,

Have you and hubby thought about getting away together, and re-kindle a friendship? Know you have married older children, let them come over and take care of the kids, while you share a couple of days together.

Brenda, we have done that in the past. I don't know if we've ever had a friendship in the traditional sense. I've never really had women friends, either, and he doesn't have men that he hangs out with. We've always done things with each other or our siblings. I'm just starting to make friends that are just mine, but he is not good with relationships, so that's put pressure on me to be everything to him. I was this way years ago, but I've changed. Now he's becoming like the old me and I don't like it. It's hard to be around him. Actually the problem has been too much time with him...he hasn't worked much in the last year. He's been very clingy with me and I can't tolerate it right now. It causes friction that I don't want to be with him.

Thanks for listening.

Bluebird,
I know you have very deep convictions about marriage vows but you seem so miserable on every one of the treads here about your marriage. The vows are love, honor and cherish- they aren't being miserable. Honestly there comes a time to either get out . No one else can do that for you- no one can make it better no matter how they try.
This is your decision and if you choose to stay it's time to quietly accept it.

I know, Pattyann, you're right. I really need some professional counseling for these feelings.
I'm not miserable, just frustrated and sad. I've never had anyone in my life to guide me, including my parents. Never had grandparents, or a sister. I fell in love with him because I needed to be loved but no one ever asked me if I was doing the right thing by marrying him.
I know being pre-menopausal isn't helping. Having all of you listen and advise does help, so thank you.

WE're happy to listen. Even the best of marriages has some bumps in the road along the way. Anyone who doesn't believe that is either luckier than I am or lives in a fantasy world.

Bluebird, My heart aches with you. I wish we lived closer so we could chat over tea. Have you ever been able to get away by yourself for a few days? Is it at all possible to leave the younger children with your husband and take off for a break?

Hubby and I take time away from each other at least once a year...we both need it, but especially me. He usually enjoys the opportunity to go to northern Quebec to visit his family. I stay home and enjoy having the house all to myself...it always does our relationship good to have that space. In our case, absence makes the heart fonder.

That might not be the case for you. But sometimes getting away gives fresh perspective. At least it would give you much-needed breathing space.

Jackie, yep, travel and deb, I am with you girls. I married my high school sweetheart and am still madly in love. He's a winner. I tell my kids all the time that they need to marry their best friend. I also tell them you can't be married and be selfish. I think that's what breaks up so many marriages.

Bluebird, I wish we could go for a long walk and talk. I'd love it. I always want to make things better for others so here's another thought. How about a Marriage Encounter. Do they have them where you live? I understand the communicating that takes place on those weekends is out of this world.

I want you to know that I don't take your comments as griping...just working through your thoughts of the moment...and with perimenopause, those thoughts can change in a moment. I just prayed that your hubby would bless you in some way this week.

Dotsie and Eagle, I would love to be able to walk and have tea with both of you! I can't tell you all how much your reaching out to help me has meant today. I really was feeling very low and I felt like I was complaining too much about this. But when something is weighing heavily on your heart you want to get it off. And you all helped to lift it off. And you've lifted me up.
My best friend is away right now and I haven't been able to talk to him for weeks.
So thanks, all of you, for stepping in and making me feel less alone (emontionally). I wish I could be alone physically, a little more!

All of you who have sustained long marriages - I bow to you. It takes a lot of work. I almost made it to my twentieth anniversary then he decided to do an about face and try to find that fountain of youth he thought he was missing. Ah well. Such is life. But, you know, there was a reason it didn't last. Sometimes, a couple reaches the end of the road and although there is a lot of heartache involved, it's what must be and people need to understand that and move on. That's the trouble a lot of people have - moving on from what was comfortable into something that is unknown. But it's all part of your individual life and you have to deal with it. My kudos to those who have sustained long marriages! It is to you I have most utmost admiration. ;o)

Dotsie- they really say in Marriage Encounter weekends that they are for good marriages that just need a little reconnection. It's all about communication and not counseling but they do good work as far as that

Thanks again, to all of you who have given your input and concern. I really appreciate just having people listen and emphathize with me.
But you've all gone past that! God bless you all.

overthehill, living a life that wasn't originally in the works is tough. I know a few women who thought they'd be married forever, but have found themselves single at midlife and are adjusting. It doesn't appear easy.

Pattyann, thank. I've never heard that.

Western, it's my pleasure to encourage you in your marriage because I know how important family life is to you.

DH and I have been married for more than twenty years. (We had two weddings--a long story for another time--but it causes me to confuse the dates all the time!) I was married before, and was lucky to get myself and my kids out alive.
I married my current husband because I "liked" him and more important, I knew he would make an excellent father/stepfather for my children. I know that doesn't seem very romantic (my husband says I'm getting better, but I'm the one with no romance in my soul in our relationship.) We have always been friends, but we had some rough times, mostly because of me. I was confident my hubby would provide for my children (he turned out to be a GREAT dad, and eventually adopted my kids), but I could not/would not trust him to also take care of me. That refusal to rely on DH (legacy of the first husband, I'm sure) hurt him, and at times, caused him to "live down" to the image I had of a husband. Anyway, when my kids were getting ready to leave home, I panicked, because I was convinced once they were gone, he and I would have nothing left. Well, the year before the kids graduated, we started a once-a-week date night. He chose one week, I chose the next. The only rules were each had to go along with the other's choice for at least one time and we could not talk about the kids. Naturally, we sat in near-complete silence for the first few dates, but then we found more and more to talk about. I sat through some really weird concerts, tractor pulls, and even attended the "Frozen Dead Guy Days" once, but it has been worth it. The kids have been gone for more than a decade, and we still have our date night, and we've added "date vacations." In 2006 that will include a trip to Newfoundland and in 2007 we're touring Britain.
Do I love him? Not the way they portray it in the movies. But, I respect and admire him, and there is certainly nobody in the world more precious to me than him. Each of us makes the DAILY effort to enhance the life of the other. I don't know if that is love, but it works for us. Now, when people ask me if I'm married (I don't wear a ring, due to skin allergies) I reply, "VERY and HAPPILY"
Says somethin', don't ya think?