so why do they love you?

So you got married or live with a long term or short term partner...hope i have covered every type of relashionship their is in the forum

I have a wee question becouse as usule I am full of them. (i said them not it ok!)

How have you poitivly (now) contributed to the life of your parner?...Do you know one or some of the reasons they love you for. And are they the same thing....

you start i join in iv just got a little bashfull lol

oh and please feel free to show off your better qualities unashamidly and without reserve

Celtic, you want to know why my husband loves me?

Oh gosh, I have no idea. Wait a sec. I'll go ask him.
I'm back.
He doesn't know…and now thinks he may have to see a head doctor. Gee, thanks Celtic.

Ha hahahah…

I'm guessing now. -- but I think he likes the fact that I'm non-conservative, spontaneous, hot temperament (in many ways), worldly, and would go out and steal horses with him.

But oddly enough, those very same qualities also drive him crazy. Sometimes I think he wishes he had a conservative, garden digging, jam making, pullover knitting, forever roast beef cooking wife, (and that naked, … with nothing but an apron on.) (I wouldn't be caught deade doing that now).

You know how that saying goes …"watch what you wish for".

I know why I think he should love me, but I suspect he's coming from somewhere totally different.

20 years of marriage and in many ways we are still strangers to each other.

I guess I'd have to say we compliment each other because as people we have a lot in common but even more so we are opposites. I'm not even sure that made any sense...LOL

Great question. I believe my guy loves me because I love to laugh and have fun. My laugh also irritates him sometimes; I think he wishes I would be miserable more often (misery loves company).

He likes that I am quick and a self starter. He also likes my spontanity and desire to socialize. He is rather shy, tho, so this also is a bit irritating to him at times.

I am loose with money and he is tight. We have struggled through this, but I believe we have found a happy compromise.

I also think he loves me because I adore him so much and hold him in my heart all the time. We respect each other, like each other and enjoy each others company.

I sit here quite the girl...knowing with great confidence why I am loved by Celtic(who just tried to wrestle the keyboard from me )....she leaves for the kitchen to make us a hot drink...going...'mawhahaha'!!!!
I am loved enough..well, because! Just because...k!
I also now know that I have been good for my partner in ways I would have doubted in the past...and will elaborate further!
I feel a poem comming on...bbl when I am done.

Popea

Great question and funny answers. You all make me laugh.

I think my hubby loves me because I am fun and adore the heck out of him, therefore making him feel good about himself which allows him to be a great husband, father, son, son-in-law, brother, uncle, friend, etc. I have a little Lucy in me and he gets a kick out of that.

My hub loves me because I keep him entertained and off-balance and he never knows what color my hair will be when he comes home.

My husband said (after I asked) he loves me because I'm a good mix. I asked him to explain further and he claims I'm not fanatical about anything. I know and can figure out most anything. I'm not an extreme anything, but have a little of everything. I wonder if these are the same things he saw in me from the beginning. Haven't asked that question yet.

Jeez, ...I will be partially bashful..

We both know why we are compatible cause he and I have talked about this from time to time.

I'm a horrible procrastinator, but really that's more me delaying action on a major decision that I made awhile ago. So he loves me for being focused, for my independent viewpoint, that I am not totally reliant on him for my own definition of self and interests (he truly wants a woman that isn't constantly stuck to him like superglue), ..and well, list gets more bashful, private Ok?

I know that I am quite different in personality and focus, from his ex. Yes, she and I have met on several occasions. And no, I wouldn't feel close to her as a female friend. She is quite different in orientation and interests. Her temperment might be gentler than mine, this I would concur.

Because I'm good to him. Because I show him respect and we share the same values. Because I'm opposite of his two ex's...he never has to prove himself with me. He never goes a day without being told he's loved and adored and that he is the man of my dreams. I never say no...unless I'm sick or really, really tired. Because he knows he can trust me completely in every sense of the word. Because I don't take him for granted. Because I make him feel desirable. Because he knows I would give my life for him. Because I love him back.

He's told me many times that what he loves best about me is that I'm a fighter. I'm true to my convictions and don't back down for anyone. And if I really want something, I never give up.

I'm fearless, smart, fiercely independent, and painfully honest -- what you see is what you get. I don't give a whit for social constricts if I can't find the logic in them. We can talk about bio-mechanics or world politics.

And at this point in time, I'd have to say that he loves me more than I love him.

My husband says he loves me because he believes some day we will find common ground and will be together. He says he love s me because when he is near me his heart goes pitter patter and he is overwhelmed.

He says I'm the smartest and most beautiful woman he has ever known.

I boost his ego, make him feel special, tell him how handsome he is, cook his favorite foods, wash his dirty clothes, make him laugh and put up with his procrastinations.

I love him because he puts up with my tacky opinions, bad moods, loves me unconditionally, makes me feel special, makes me laugh.

I think most relationships work if both people are made to feel special and loved.

A great wee question indeed Celtic.
I used to have a very persistant nagging worry which would tell me that I could not be so loveable....then I would and do now see that the love I feel is reflected back in many different ways.
'unashamedley' .....well, I have a big, soft open heart....and it is allowed to be so, without my core vulnerabilities(which I chereish I might add), being crushed by deed or word. Such freedom is a great gift to give as much as it is to receive.....and we both give of ourselves in this way.
I also used to think that I could never break the constraints of my past....watching Celtics' determination to evolve has been inspirtional. I now know I can do the things I only used to dream of.
What do I bring in return?? Emotion without shame, desire to shine and be the best I can. To give every ounce of all that is good within me.
Well, that's about as mushy as I am prepared to be in public.
I am a dreamer.....Celtic is a realist
Celtic is a do-er.....I might if coaxed some.
I bring niavety to protect....Celtic crys..allowed.
Money burns a hole in my pocket, Celtic saves like a goodun.
I sing....we laugh.....we compliment eachother and accept such compliments with good grace(I had to practice with that one)
I am more obvious with my shyness...Celtic is more sure footed. I can imagine our lives may years from now as does she.

Popea

ps....I also feel amazonian/closer to my god/godess because of how and why I am loved.

Oh aye....she is absoloutley gorgeous
agus ta mo chroi istigh ionat......(and my heart lies within)

Popea

Hello CF & POP, I hope you two are doing well. I suggest individual computers to reduce fighting over the keyboard! Newleaf, I am confused by your comment that someday you will find common ground. What about now? My H & I are best friends, which is how our relationship started. And we stayed BF for 22 years now. We've gone through periods of unemployment, 8 moves, cancer, trauma recovery, etc. etc. I don't know how we made it. But he loves me because I am "shelter from the storm." Yup, that's what he says. Although sometimes I am perfectly capable of creating the storm! Pop, I like that about being a goddess. That's a great way to feel in a relationship. My H & I do not have sports, books, or movies in common. what we have in common are the shared values. I too struggled with feeling unloveable. Why would he love me? Because he appreciates the unique!

I just asked my husband why he loves me. Now, keep in mind that at this writing, he is engossed in the Maryland/N.C. State game.

He says he loves me cause he "doesn't know any better." Then he added that we've been together for 38 years today (anniversary of our first date), because he has been "emotionally terrorized!"

One of the reasons I love him and have been in love with him is for his great sense of humor!

Happy Valentines Day!

Emily in Maryland (where it is iced over outside, but cozy inside!)

enora, my husband and I are polar opposites. I'm attracted to the way he smells and his crusty, Johnny Depp personality and that he is very gregarious.
He is attracted to me as stated above. Right now our situation is that we can't live without each other against all odds. About a year ago my 4 yr. old grandaughter came to live with me along with her mommy who subsequently went to jail for a year not long after Aaliyah came. We were expecting my daughter to wind up in jail as she was facing trafficking charges so it really came as no surprise.

As a result of my grandaughter coming to live with us, my husband moved out into a huge home on his own saying he was just trying to preserve his sanity while my grandaughter and I moved into a tiny one bedroom apartment downtown which was the only thing I could afford on my $10 an hour job. That he wasn't going to be responsible for or support anyone else's child. He withdrew his financial support and pretty much went his own way saying, "You know where I am if you want to find me."

He also had a violent temper and was abusive to me. Now he is on Prozac and has really mellowed out.

Meanwhile, God provided money and a home for my grandaughter and I and now her 7 yr. old brother. We have 3 bedrooms and two full baths and a huge sunroom. We have 4 Guinea pigs who live in a "condo" and the kids have lots of playmates in the neighborhood.

I see my husband as often as I can. I'm not sure what will happen in the future to our relationship. No one in my family likes him. Some of his friends say they understand why someone about to retire wouldn't want to take on the responsibility of two small children but I love them and wouldn't hurt them or desert them for anyone.

That's why my husband holds out hope that someday we can find common ground meaning he wants the two of us to be together and have the grandkids to come and visit occasionally.

Ideally, that's the way it would be, but that's not the case in my life and my life is MY life.

Oh, and our sex life is off the charts! In this day and age, another good reason to stay together, married.

PRINCESS
good to see you back in the main boarded, i had only cough bits of you one in the writters section, )i am not a writter so dont go in their really)

alls just perfect in my world princess lol well nearly despite flue ect. so almost perfect, in fact still perfect despite the flue lol

hope it good in yours and great to chatt with you again
celtic

I pretty well know all the reasons I'm loved so I asked MOH why he loves me most.
He said, "because you have the sweetest disposition of anyone I have ever known."

chick

I believe he is speaking for all of us, Chick. You do have a sweet disposition.

I have underwear that's lasted longer than most relationships I've had.....

But...................they still love me. I just know it.

And, JJ, they don't talk back.

Ah but i bet the underwear would have many a storie to tell

now don't contridict me ladie you will only disalusion me lol

celtic

Awe shucks Anno, thanks

chick

I had a dog that died after 11 years. A girlfriend of mine reminded me that it was the longest relationship I had ever had with a male. Kinda sad, huh? Then again, maybe not.

chick, how cool is that? How long have you been married?

Anno, sounds like a fun girlfriend.

Lynn loves me because I recognized her extraodinary humor, depth, intelligence and pain. Our coming together was magic. Our staying together is the hardest work we will ever have to do but we both recognize that we have spent our lives getting ready to be a couple.

good to see you whittlewomen been awhile....
maybee staying together is hard at times (and who hasent had to work at it) but i am sure its worth it for you.
its good to see ya back
celtic

Hey Whittle - I was wondering how you were doing and posted a question in some forgotten thread if anyone had heard from you.

Were you hit by the big snowfalls? Doing okay?

Relationships are hard work - and fun work. Like you said, you prepare your whole life to be in a relationship.

I've been with my husband for nearly 32 years. I could guess why he loves me, but I just sent him an email and asked. (He's out of town)

He's not the wordy or romantic type at all; in fact, years ago he said "I love you, and if I ever change my mind I'll let you know". He just can't seem to say those words to me or anyone else, so it should be interesting to see IF he answers and what he says if he does.

I'll keep you posted...

Kathy

New Leaf, thanks for explaining what is going on. Frankly, IMO, I can't see how he can deny your grandchildren. Kathy, any update for us? Whittle, that's a good point: I too feel as though whatever MH and I did before our relationship was all in good time to get us together. Relationships take work, IMO, at least for the long haul.

No word yet, Princess Lynnie. He's in Hawaii right now so with the time change he's two hours behind me. Howevever, I imagine I've stumped him and he has no clue how to respond. We'll see....

I haven't felt much like talking for the last week. I've been dealing with some family chaos that makes me crazy so I have to take time to really think through what I feel and what is the healthiest, most positive response. I am thrilled to be Lynn's partner, spouse, lover and friend. When we are having difficult times, it is usually about being afraid of something. Doing the work required to name our fears sometimes includes the confusion of conflict but we each rely on the fact that we love one another and together we can work through anything.
We did get covered with 36-40 inches of snow. Luckily we have a very dependable plowman given that neither of us could have moved the amount of snow necessary to get our cars in and out of the driveway. While I am not suppose to be shoveling, the blizzard required pretty regular attention to not get snowed into the house.
Thank you for missing me. My healing is definitely happening inside now. I see the doctor on 2/20 and will probably have to pick a time to return to work.

wow whittlewoman
i am sure that you are taking it as easiy as you can with the shovelling the (snow)situasion just not the best for you to recover physically from your opp.

Sorry to hear you have had family trouble, hope it gets better in the best possible outcome for those concered

I am sure you know... how blessed you are having love at the centre of your relashionship....I get the feel that many women heer also have that blessing in their relashionships

trouble and conflict is inevitable at times but its that love that pulls one throo everything. Well it dos for me when it matters most.

Can i be cheeky and remind you still to send that e-mail about your wedding and the pics....(i have been quitly hopefull)

cheers celtic

Okay, so anyone reading this knows my hubby doesn't like to say the dreaded three words "I love you", so I emailed him (he's out of town) and asked him to tell my why he loves me. No reply.... no reply....

...so I emailed him again and said, okay, don't worry about it, I'd hate to put you under stress trying to figure this out.

Then I talked to him just a little while ago. He was so funny, he said he had five whole pages of reasons why he loved me all written up, but when he got the second email telling him to forget it, he just deleted it all.

Well, we all know he didn't write five pages, but I know he loves me and it was cute that he said that. We are who we are, and we're used to it, and maybe I'd worry if he started saying it all the time.

I think knowing and feeling you're loved is the key.
Going on 8 years and holding for us. We are the (self proclaimed)happiest couple on earth.

chick

I believe he did write five pages, Kathy. If not on paper, then in his mind.

lol or he really pushed the boat out and did write five pages lol...

i am sure its more important to know your loved by him showing you the love than by just heering the words with no actions...I dont think i ever heared you complain bout him, not that i rember anyway...

I smiling still about the i love you and will untill i tell you otherwise attitude, think that was kinda cute

chick great to heer your the happiest couple on earth lol in a lot of living rooms countless women jumping up and down going us tooo us tooo...lol
celtic