Looking out for each other in shared housing

I've lived in shared housing for the past 4 years. I was 53 when I left my former husband. It was scary knowing my self-employed income REALLY wouldn't allow me to live on my own. AND I didn't have any savings as a 'cushion'. So I lived in shared housing.

In the beginning, it was really different to be living with people who weren't family. I enjoyed the folks I lived with but it it was really challenging for my psyche. Mostly it was my own dissatisfaction of not having my OWN place. As an adult I've been a homeowner since I was in my early 20's.

I lived in shared housing except for a short sabbatical when I took my own studio apartment this past summer I've shared housing. Just needing a break to figure out my next steps, I found an inexpensive studio apartment this past summer. A bit off the beaten path but cute.

When winter came the combination of cadet wall heaters, living on the ground floor in an uninsulated apartment AND arriving home late nights to a COLD house really made me rethink things.

I spent a lot of time AWAY from 'home' the during the fall and winter just trying to stay warm. I realized I worked so much that having a place of my own really wasn't cost effective. The location seemed FAR even if it was inexpensive. AND I was basically just coming home to sleep or spend a few hours during the weekend getting my bearings.

At Christmas time, I found myself looking at a couple of other 'challenges' and decided to tally everything up:

[list]
[*]Hardly Ever Home
[*]Too Cold [*]Traveling a LOT to make the rounds for work [*]Inexpensive didn't equal Quality [*]My lifestyle had definitely changed in the past 4 years

Living alone wasn't adding up. So I dusted off my living alone strategy and looked at my options. About a month ago I downsized my things yet again and moved to a home that fits my needs and my lifestyle.

Being somewhere warm, being able to spend more time 'at home' because I'm not on the road ALL the time either travelling or avoiding a cold house. And this week, after a bout with the flu, I realized another benefit.

Not hearing me leave for work in the morning as I always do on Monday, I could hear my housemates tiptoeing around my door. Light knocking. Checking in amidst my feverishness. Cold water and ibuprofen was fetched. Pacing. Hushed voices. Even as terrible as I felt there was a wash of grateful. Which I expressed when I roused.

I was coddled and nested. Protected. Looked after. Nice!

My tallying and choices added up to something much more! I'm enjoying a little looking after if just a light knock or 'sweet dreams' being called out to me at the end of the day. I'm glad I made a little room in my life for MORE.

Here's a link to a quick read about other folks who are thinking shared housing might just be a good idea. http://www.letssharehousing.com/content/there-always-room

Such a well thought out and informative post..thank you

Glad you found a solution, zoe. My natural reaction, is to share housing with....a sister or 2. Depending how life pans out. But then, they might not want that. We all own our own homes and some have children.

However I have not ruled out options way down the road.

Orchid, I agree..I actually considered sharing housing with my eldest daughter since I don't have any sisters. Many of the folks I meet through http://letssharehousing.com don't have the option of siblings or other family members nearby. Some folks live in bigger homes where they have raised their own family which is now an empty nest that could take on a different spin with shared housing.

Yep, Sisters could be a good idea depending on the family dynamic or geography. A woman I know recently DID move in with her sister. Sometimes there aren't those types of solutions for sharing housing, so one needs to dig a little deeper.

Finding a solution that works for our unique situations takes some thought when the time comes to make a change!

Thanks for commenting!

Thanks for taking the time to read it, Mountain Ash! Glad you enjoyed!

Shared housing is a good option for a lot of people, I agree. when my mother, who lives half way across the country from me, in Arizona, lived in a single family home, she was a bit lonely, I believe, even though she was busy with church activities and several clubs she belonged to.

She had always told me that if something happened to her husband, and she was alone, she wanted to come back to the Midwest and live with me.

But things have changed for her, now that the two of them live in an apartment in an aging in place community. I don't think she would move if something happened to Russ.

Her life is much fuller now, with friends who are available just down the hall, at the pool and in the arts and crafts room. Plus, she says it would be too hard for her body to readjust to our cold Midwest winters.

She's not in co-housing of course, which is what you are advocating, Zoe, but the end result is similar. And I am sure co-housing would be much more affordable for most of us. It is mind-boggling how much money a person needs to have saved in order to afford a home in a nice aging in place community.

This is certainly something I would consider were I alone in the future.

Hi Anne,
Sounds likes you Mom has found a good fit for herself for aging in place. Great idea when life slows and there is enough income to be able to live in a community that offers a LOT of amenities.You are right as far as the costs go for aging in place communities. Spendy. If one can afford this choice it can be a great one! I am sure you are a lot less concerned about your Mom's golden years now she is in a supportive community.

Me, I'm into shared housing Anne, which is DIFFERENT in many regards from CO-HOUSING. Co-housing requires an upfront cost in order to live in such a community and often is a built from the ground up endeavor: http://www.cohousing.org/six_characteristics

SHARED Housing is what I am talking about..where folks who have a space to share offer to open their home to housemates. This option uses EXISTING homes, reducing the need to build more and more housing. I like that part of shared housing among other reasons.

Same TYPE of scenario on SOME levels, but the upfront cost of CO-HOUSING can be prohibitive for some.

As in my situation I left my marriage with zero money in my pocket and living from my own self employment means literally week to week. Shared housing was really the only option that didn't require a large upfront investment for me.

It's had its challenges, finding a good match for my needs and lifestyle but I'm feeling pretty pleased that the investment of my time, research and energy has paid off. I too have a much wider community of support from being immersed in the process.

I think we all need to look widely at what wonderful ideas are out there for us and not close the door on any options, to be sure.

Thanks Anne for adding your thoughts and sharing the differences in the variety of options that are out there to put a roof over our heads!

Good points, Zoe. I had thought co-housing encompassed shared housing, so you have educated me there.

By the way, my mother had a time when she lived in a shared housing situation after she was divorced from my father and then lost all the money she'd taken from the marriage in a failed business venture.

It was a hugely tough time for her, as you not doubt can imagine, and when she lost everything including her house and car to the bankruptcy that followed the failed business venture, I am certainly glad she was able to pick herself back up via finding a job and a friend who was willing to share her house with her.

It's funny how resilient we can be if we want or need to be Anne. Your Mom sounds like she had an interesting life and was able to keep moving forward! Yep, I can RELATE~

When you walked beside your Mom in her shared housing journey, both of you experienced the advantages..and maybe, some disadvantages too! Shared housing sounds like for the exact moment in time, made real and perfect sense for your Mom.

I'll keep folks in the loop about my own journey into shared housing via this forum, adding my voice and ideas. Thanks for letting the group know there are options when things are looking their lowest. We stay resilient!

Take care,
Zoe

http://adventuresinsharedhousing.blogspot.com/2013/02/kugel-savory-sweet-i-want-mine-warm.html

Interesting points, Zoe.

I hadn't thought of myself as being involved in my mother's shared housing experience -- after all, I didn't live there with her: I was married, had two kids and lived in another state when this happened. But, I did visit her during this time, so I was in the house and met her housemate. Mostly though, during this time, we'd talk by phone, or she'd come visit me.

Hi Anne,
Well involved mightn't have been the right choice of words.
Familiar though: recognizing the benefits your Mom experienced while living in shared housing.
It sounds like it filled a need. Having a safe affordable option was a good fit for your Mom then.
Thanks for the conversation. I've been enjoying our talk.
Take care,
Zoe

For the woman who doesn't have any sisters to share housing with, you can have MINE. Of course, she's an unreliable thief and total beach, but it will take you a while to believe me on that, so you might have a few months of roommate bliss.

Cheers,
Tina Boomerina

I'm a newbie, so I don't have a signature or anything yet.
My website is Boomerinas.com.

Hi Zoe,

I find the idea of cohousing/shared housing interesting. Right now I'm married, but husbands come and husbands go... so I may need something like shared housing in the future.

Zoe, I've sent a message to the email address you have in your bio.

Cheers,
Tina Boomerina

Hi,

I see a lot of similarities in our life. I was married for over 30 years and then widowed about six years ago. I've had several family members move in and out with me since then. When winter came and I lived alone, I usually left my heat off but luckily my house didn't get below the fifties and it was chilly but I could handle it with pajamas and two bathrobes on lol, oh yes, and my dog.

My little brother moved in with me a little over a year ago and he helps out a lot. So this shared housing is working out.

I am glad that yours did also.

Many years ago when women teachers were expected to be single here in Scotland it was common to rent two rooms from a householder.This must have dealt with widows who needed extra income and allowed them to stay in the marriage home.

The teacher would have a bed room and sitting room and the use of bathroom..looking at the censcus details this happened everywhere.

That's an arrangement that makes so much sense, doesn't it?
Seems many folks live alone and struggle to stay in their homes or with their heat down..etc.
Sharing a home makes so much sense.
Thanks for the historical bit about the schoolteachers and the widows. I'd love to know more!

Good you have a big enough space to share with your brother!
Were the folks who'd lived with you before he arrived a good fit, or were they just transitioning to something else.
It does take a little bit of 'exploration' to find someone who is a match for shared housing.
I'm glad you found a good fit with your brother and are now, hopefully, able to stay more comfortably in your home!
That's one of many great reason's for sharing a space. Thanks for telling your story that has a positive outcome Calypso101!

Zoe
it was just a fact..women gave up teaching on marriage.We must remember that many teachers way back were the women who remained unmarried due to the massive loss of young men in WW1.
I certainly had spinsters as teachers.little ladies who wore patterned overalls over their clothes to save them from chalk dust

In San Diego we have these small groups of cottages that would make a perfect co-housing village for boomer women. It would be great to downsize, but still have a house, plus be surrounded by women. I have watched my friends lose husbands and try to manage a house, it is just so much work alone.
What would make this appealing to you?

Hi Candy Lee. That small group of cottages scenario sounds inviting. Begin surrounded by other women in the same age group sounds like fun. I'd like to maintain a certain amount of independence. The San Diego setup sounds like the berries.