Newleaf, you sound a lot like me. I don't find your habits odd at all, but then some call me crazy and odd as well. But what the hell, someone has to wear those hats, why not us????

True. I've tried being "normal" and it almost drove me nuts. I wasn't myself but my mom and sister just loved me! Mom told me how proud she was of me and my sister would call me once in a while just to exchange a recipe or talk about the kids accomplishments.

Once my cousin who lives in CA and is married to a wealthy career military guy and has three children wrote a Christmas brag letter about how her son was entering a program to become a politician and a foreign diplomat, how she and her husband had just bought a new Mercedes and how her daughter was graduating with honors from some private women's college and was dating a guy from Iran.

On and on and on it went and it was voted (by her sister in law's teacher's group as the Christmas letter most likely to make you gag.)

I just couldn't help it. I wrote one back saying how proud I was that not one of my three daughters had gotten pregnant this year and how the youngest had made it to the Wal Mart blue light special and how proud I was of the oldest who had just gotten off probation and got her kids back from DCF. What a good year! We got a new trailer house and my '65 Chevy had made it all the way from Arkansas to Louisiana before the muffler went out but I turned the radio up loud enough so we couldn't hear the noise.

I never heard from her again......

I'm a rebel and a lunatic, but I love deeply and am an advocate for the underdog. I really AM happy for her, and I don't envy anyone else having nice things and having successful children, I just think sometimes people's priorities get so messed up that they take themselves too seriously and forget to see the humor in life.

Chatty, I gotta love ya. You really are a wonderfully bright spot and so honest. I like that.

New Leaf, I get the feeling you are using this time without a man to take care of yourself. Pour all that energy you poured into your old hubby into yourself! I'm praying you embrace the fact that you aren't in a relationship like many of the other women here. Revel in it...

Its a little frightening and right now I'm feeling a bit left out, but I'm slowly going to get back in the mainstream. The first thing I want to do is start an exercise program and diet. (So I'll feel healthy and lithe again)

The second thing I want to do is make my home a showcase home. I'm starting by getting rid of everything I don't need or use. I'm painting and redecorating now.

Third, I want to generate a list of babysitters so I can go out once in a while and be a grown up.

I want a bicycle and a tan. To go on photo shoots and even have an opening for my photos.

I'm thinking about changing jobs and maybe working my way into becoming a va.

Maybe I'll even make friends. I'm starting to get a bit excited about the prospects out there. I'm also frightened that I'm almost 58. For some reason that disturbs me.

Just remember Newleaf:

Time flys when you are having RUM!!!

Don't think at the age you are, think at the age you feel!
It works for me and its been awhile since I've seen 58...

Well. if I thought at the age I feel, I'd be 30. It's strange. time goes by, bur the mind doesn't age as quickly as the body I guess. I still get that wonderful tingle and rush of excitement when I meet that someone who turns all my cranks.

I've never been held captive by chronological age limitations. I truly think women are going to come into their own no matter what chronological age they may be as long as they are able to let go of preconceived images of what a women should be like at certain times in their lives.

I think we hold ourselves back out of fear or out of mapping that begins in early childhood. In cartoons and in movies and in so much of the media, the older woman, the grandma, has gray hair, can't move in liquid movements, can't squat and stand in one smooth movement, can't get hot and sexy when stimulated without the aid of KyJelly and now its even heated......, can't be innocent and beguiled by anyone or anything...what a crock!!

I'd put myself against any teenager or early twenty something anyday and I'm sure there are many of you who would agree. I personally don't want anyone under the age of 30...I really, really want to see what I've got and then when I've developed it, I want to enjoy it and then maybe, just maybe, share it.

NewLeaf, Your mom wasn't the only one spanking kids with one of those rubber paddles with the ball removed! My mom used to use them too. She kept it in the drawer with the cigarettes. If you were in trouble, she'd light a cigarette and take a veeerrry long drag, then spank us. Guess the long drag was her version of counting to ten......

I can't say she ever beat me with it though. Just a few swats when it was necessary. I can laugh about my mom and the paddle. I wish you could too. It makes life more bearable. praying for you! Hang in there!

Well, all I can tell you is I love my mom regardless. That's the one thing I've learned recently through what has happened to my little A, children love unconditionally, even when they have been hurt by the one they love.

Thinking about the list of stuff you got planed like showcasing the house, the bike, the photoshoots all take time to do,keep one occupied, give ya a focus and a healthie intrest in your life. Its great that your focusing your energies and careing nature into somethings that are nice for you and stuff that be satisfieing to achive, good on ya gal. I not 58 but i know the feeling of worrieing bout time gone past and it can be/is a little frightening at times, but then again you got the rest of the time you have ahead of you....and that counts for something.

oh you have a lovelie turn of phrase when you write and your in a certine type of softer type of mood,(i imagine) thats a lovilie skill to have. I know you have done writting in the past have you any planes to do any in the future????

Celtic, I've been published a few times but just writing for a monthly magazine and the newspaper.

I love to write poetry and would love to write fiction someday but just can't seem to organize my thoughts and ideas enough to do so.

Mostly I want to take photos and paint.