Hi Ladies,

I miss you all, and I want to share with you what has been happening to me. I swear, when one drama in my life finishes another one comes along.

I have been going through a difficult time and have been on an emotional rollercoaster. This was the worse one yet.

My daughter turned 18 in Apr, and pryer to that she made comments about leaving home when she did turn 18. I would talk to her and explain some things to her as to why she wasn't ready.

She didn't fair well at all in HS, because she had to repeat her freshman year twice. She finally became a sophmore but she didn't fair well there. At this point, I didn't think it would be good for her to graduate by the time she was in her early twenties. This was very difficult for me to cope with because education is very important to me. So we had to buy time until she turned 18 years old because the drop out age in VA is no earlier than 18. Unfortunately, before we moved to our new place she got caught in school with some pills in her purse. She had benadryl, some of my meds, some of my mother's, meds and some of my husband's med, and some other pills. Of course she got expelled and had to go before a committee. This was awful and shocking considering we had talked about taking drugs and how harmful it can be. To top it off, it was my birthday that day, and I had taken the day off work.

We took her to the ER because we didn't know what she had in her system. She got caught in the school because she was stumbling around and a teacher was worried she would fall down the steps and hurt herself. Later on in the ER she refused to talk to the psychiatrist and so they brought in a councelor from the city. Well, it turns out, she was hanging around some friends who bragged about all the things they had. Plus her struggle with her grades, and she struggled. With that, she felt she was expected to be perfect. So she was taking pills at night because she had a difficult time sleeping. Then in the morning she would take pills to pep her up because she had a hard time waking up. She told the lady that she was afraid of ecstacy, and cocaine and crack, some of the ones I covered in our discussion. She thought because the other pills were legal, it wouldn't be harmful. Ironically, before she left school that morning, she was fine. Anyway, we felt she needed to check in the psyche hospital for treatment. But guess what? Because she was over 14 and under 18, she had to volunteer to go. Which she didn't, so we had no choice but to get a court order to take her.

To Be Continued!

That was horrible because we weren't told everything. At 2 hours after midnight, 2 police officers came to the hospital and handcuffed her and took her to the psyche hospital. We were not told they were going do that. The next day when we visited her, her eyes were puffy from crying all night. She didn't want anything to do with us either. We found out that she was being abused as well and put in a dark room while she was there. We didn't like this situation,(gut feelings). So we tried to take her home and tried to work out what we can do for her to help her. Boom, another blow, we were told she needed to go to court and a judge would decide if she can come home with us or not. They told us, the hearing would be held in the psyche building. Well, we went to the courthouse for some paperwork and we talked to a court clerk. They were very helpful. The psyche hospital staff lied to us. A sheriff would've gone there and handcuffed Sofia, drive her to the courthouse and hold her in a jail cell. Richard and I were pissed off. We had to sign some papers authorizing this procedure. We refused to sign it. Then as simple as that, the court clerk told us we were free to take her home. What a pleasure it was for me to tell those lying Son of a biscuit eaters this.

Why am I telling you all this? To give you the bigger picture.

During her expulsion, we hired a private tutor to help her get ready to take the GED. She was doing well and he was surprised that Sofia was even in a special Ed program. See I knew it, I knew she didn't need this mess, but I caved in and gave my permission way back when she was in the 2nd grade. I fought against this special ed teacher back then, because she kept pushing us to get Sofia to take ritalin. For two years I fought. Then I got the impression if I didn't arrange for her to be put on ritalin, they would fail her. Again, gut instincts. But I caved in and they told me it wasn't addictive and she would make straight A's because she had the potential. So I caved in finally. I didn't like the fact that she would possibly have the impression that a pill would solve all her problems. As it turned out, I was right.

This tutor she was going to is a retired middle school teacher and his expertise is in Math, Algebra and the GED. He was astounded with what she would do and how she figured the problems out herself. He would email me after each session to tell me how it went. Sofia was doing good there, she was going to the gym everyday and she had a job she loved at a tanning salon. I knew it was too good to be true.

Her and a friend of hers met two boys at the beach during Spring Break. The guys were visiting and they lived in Blacksburg (this is where VA Tech is, where the shooting was). She fell for one of them and they kept in touch by phone and the internet. She didn't even share this with me and it hurt me given we've been close.

She fell so hard for him and when she would come home from visiting him, she would cry constantly. We tried to tell her, we had no objections with her moving there if she wanted to. But first it would be a good idea if she had her GED first, and saved some money. She was in too much of a hurry and she stole her dad's CC and flew there to see him. He drove her back to VA BCH and her dad and I gave her an ultimatum. Stay with us and get a job, she had quit her job. Pay him back her entire paycheck until it covered what she charged. It may have taken her a month in a half to do that. Then she can continue with the GED. Her other option, she goes with this boy back to Blacksburg, but we will not support it.

She chose going with the boy. His mom couldn't find it in her heart to kick them out of her house. But all of a sudden a week and half later. The boy and her would argue constantly, and both didn't make any efforts to find work. So the boys mom gave Sofia a phone # to the Woman's Resource Center. It turned out this woman, who lived across the street, who had a teenage daughter took Sofia in. Then one day I get an email from Sofia, telling me she is confused and scared. I told her she can come back home provided she agree with what we discussed. Anyway, a week in a half later, this woman kicks her out. Sofia had to call the resource center and this boy and his mom took her there. Bad news, she could only stay one night there because it was for domestic violence. I re-activated her cell phone so she can call me if she needed me. They gave her some bus vouchers and sent her to Roanoke to a shelter. She called me and told me she was terrified. There had already been a big fight in the cafeteria. Even the bus driver told her to watch her back in that shelter. I became scared for her safety, and it was in a really bad area. So I arranged for her to stay in a motel back in Blacksburg, and that I would make a trip up there that weekend. During that time she would go to Roanoke and do day labor.

When I went to Blacksburg that weekend, I met everyone there. I talked to this boys older sister who is a single mom of 3 boys. She noticed that Sofia was really good with her kids (Sofia is excellent with children). So she offered to take Sofia in. She made a deal with her, she would provide room and board and a little cash if she took care of her children while she went to work. I really like this woman, again, instincts. So that is where she is at now. I am so thankful to God for this.

Overall, she is choosing the hardway to start her adult life. But this lady has told me she is going to check into the GED program up there and try to get Sofia to go and take it.

This whole drama was my biggest nightmare. As a result, last week I thought I was having a heart attack at work. The paramedics had to come and take me to the ER. I was so embarrassed. Thank God it was just an anxiety attack. I took two days off of work and rested.

I really missed my friends here, but I just couldn't get motivated to do anything.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Was there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Sorry this was soooooo long.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, I've been on the road for two whole days and my head's still a bit "wobbly" from the long drive. But I just wanted to get online here to say how glad I am to hear your voice. I'm sorry to hear about all this stress you've been under...I can't offer much in the way of advice for this specific type of situation, but I just wanted you to know that I care and will continue to carry you in prayer (you've been there along with your Dad for months now). Again, I'm really glad to see you here and to hear your voice again...

Oh Cathi, honey your plate has been so full, hasn't it? I haven't been in the forums much lately because of work-related things, but I'm so glad I stopped in today.

While I haven't had this particular circumstance to deal with, I have had my boys break my heart over some actions on their part (read bad decisions). I have to admit that I was one of those children you couldn't tell anything to. I had to experience it, usually the hard way. Take heart...

I wish I had words of wisdom to pass on or something encouraging to say. The only thing I can think of at a time like this is our hindsight is 20/20. I think you should trust your "gut." Mine has never failed me. You've given her your thoughts and values, now you have to pray that they kick in.

I know you are worried sick. I will be praying for her safety and for you and your Hubby. God bless all of you!

Keep us posted. JJ

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this.

Thanks Sharon, I have thought of you quite often and I am so glad to see you. I am looking forward to getting in the groove with everyone. How nice of you to reply in spite of your long trip. Being on the road is a double edge sword isn't it? On the one hand your surrounded by beautiful scenery and on the other hand it is exhausting.

Prayer is the best offering there is and I appreciate it. What kept me going was prayer and the fact that everything happens for a reason. I had to believe there is a lesson in this somewhere. I certainly learned a lesson or two.

My Dad and mom just returned from Rhodes after 3 months. I haven't seen them yet, but I am told he is looking good. He had a C-scan on Friday and hopefully there will be good news. If things work out good by September, my parents are going back to Rhodes. I don't blame them, they worked really hard and invested in a home there so they can spend their retired years there. I just wish I could go with them. It's so difficult to get the amount of time off work that I would need to go there. It is an expensive trip and it takes 2 days to get there. One or two weeks doesn't cut it.

Here I go again, rambling on and on. I am going to try to go to Blacksburg in the first weekend in Aug to see Sofia. It's really a nice place. It has a little bit of a Mayberry feel to it.

God Bless,
Cathi

Thanks your Majesty, your advise is in alignment with my gut. It really helps to have that reasurance in decision making.

I have come to terms with this situation and hopefully there will be value in any lesson she learns from this experience.

I have to really trust God in all this. I believe that was my lesson. Even though I have faith, I still felt like I had to do everything myself.

God Bless you your Majesty! It's good to see you!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, we've missed you! It probably really helps just to write it all down and share it; sometimes that helps take the weight off your shoulders. You know the women here will be praying for you and your family.

Keep us posted, and let us know how she's doing. She's lucky to have you. Maybe she can get her GED and then take some online courses for child development and become a pre-school teacher. Just a thought; hang in there!

Kathy

Cathi, it's so great to hear from you. What a shame that you and your daughter are going through all of this. I'm sure you will one day look back on it and see God's grace, but for now, you need endurance. Can you be in touch with her when you want to reach out? I hope so. It's important that she knows you still care and are on her side. Perhaps this woman will be a good role model for her. Is that what you're thinking?

It's hard to beleive that young gal I met at the Cheesecake Factory has gone through all of this. I can picture her so it will be easier to hold her in prayer. I love praying for teens.

Hannelore, that is so true. There are so many kids that are alone in this world. Cathi, I think I would be grateful that she is in a family setting with a woman who needs and cares for her. It could be worse. She could be living in a house full of drunks and druggies. I know you know to look for the blessings. Keep up the good work.