Hi Ladies,

I miss you all, and I want to share with you what has been happening to me. I swear, when one drama in my life finishes another one comes along.

I have been going through a difficult time and have been on an emotional rollercoaster. This was the worse one yet.

My daughter turned 18 in Apr, and pryer to that she made comments about leaving home when she did turn 18. I would talk to her and explain some things to her as to why she wasn't ready.

She didn't fair well at all in HS, because she had to repeat her freshman year twice. She finally became a sophmore but she didn't fair well there. At this point, I didn't think it would be good for her to graduate by the time she was in her early twenties. This was very difficult for me to cope with because education is very important to me. So we had to buy time until she turned 18 years old because the drop out age in VA is no earlier than 18. Unfortunately, before we moved to our new place she got caught in school with some pills in her purse. She had benadryl, some of my meds, some of my mother's, meds and some of my husband's med, and some other pills. Of course she got expelled and had to go before a committee. This was awful and shocking considering we had talked about taking drugs and how harmful it can be. To top it off, it was my birthday that day, and I had taken the day off work.

We took her to the ER because we didn't know what she had in her system. She got caught in the school because she was stumbling around and a teacher was worried she would fall down the steps and hurt herself. Later on in the ER she refused to talk to the psychiatrist and so they brought in a councelor from the city. Well, it turns out, she was hanging around some friends who bragged about all the things they had. Plus her struggle with her grades, and she struggled. With that, she felt she was expected to be perfect. So she was taking pills at night because she had a difficult time sleeping. Then in the morning she would take pills to pep her up because she had a hard time waking up. She told the lady that she was afraid of ecstacy, and cocaine and crack, some of the ones I covered in our discussion. She thought because the other pills were legal, it wouldn't be harmful. Ironically, before she left school that morning, she was fine. Anyway, we felt she needed to check in the psyche hospital for treatment. But guess what? Because she was over 14 and under 18, she had to volunteer to go. Which she didn't, so we had no choice but to get a court order to take her.

To Be Continued!

That was horrible because we weren't told everything. At 2 hours after midnight, 2 police officers came to the hospital and handcuffed her and took her to the psyche hospital. We were not told they were going do that. The next day when we visited her, her eyes were puffy from crying all night. She didn't want anything to do with us either. We found out that she was being abused as well and put in a dark room while she was there. We didn't like this situation,(gut feelings). So we tried to take her home and tried to work out what we can do for her to help her. Boom, another blow, we were told she needed to go to court and a judge would decide if she can come home with us or not. They told us, the hearing would be held in the psyche building. Well, we went to the courthouse for some paperwork and we talked to a court clerk. They were very helpful. The psyche hospital staff lied to us. A sheriff would've gone there and handcuffed Sofia, drive her to the courthouse and hold her in a jail cell. Richard and I were pissed off. We had to sign some papers authorizing this procedure. We refused to sign it. Then as simple as that, the court clerk told us we were free to take her home. What a pleasure it was for me to tell those lying Son of a biscuit eaters this.

Why am I telling you all this? To give you the bigger picture.

During her expulsion, we hired a private tutor to help her get ready to take the GED. She was doing well and he was surprised that Sofia was even in a special Ed program. See I knew it, I knew she didn't need this mess, but I caved in and gave my permission way back when she was in the 2nd grade. I fought against this special ed teacher back then, because she kept pushing us to get Sofia to take ritalin. For two years I fought. Then I got the impression if I didn't arrange for her to be put on ritalin, they would fail her. Again, gut instincts. But I caved in and they told me it wasn't addictive and she would make straight A's because she had the potential. So I caved in finally. I didn't like the fact that she would possibly have the impression that a pill would solve all her problems. As it turned out, I was right.

This tutor she was going to is a retired middle school teacher and his expertise is in Math, Algebra and the GED. He was astounded with what she would do and how she figured the problems out herself. He would email me after each session to tell me how it went. Sofia was doing good there, she was going to the gym everyday and she had a job she loved at a tanning salon. I knew it was too good to be true.

Her and a friend of hers met two boys at the beach during Spring Break. The guys were visiting and they lived in Blacksburg (this is where VA Tech is, where the shooting was). She fell for one of them and they kept in touch by phone and the internet. She didn't even share this with me and it hurt me given we've been close.

She fell so hard for him and when she would come home from visiting him, she would cry constantly. We tried to tell her, we had no objections with her moving there if she wanted to. But first it would be a good idea if she had her GED first, and saved some money. She was in too much of a hurry and she stole her dad's CC and flew there to see him. He drove her back to VA BCH and her dad and I gave her an ultimatum. Stay with us and get a job, she had quit her job. Pay him back her entire paycheck until it covered what she charged. It may have taken her a month in a half to do that. Then she can continue with the GED. Her other option, she goes with this boy back to Blacksburg, but we will not support it.

She chose going with the boy. His mom couldn't find it in her heart to kick them out of her house. But all of a sudden a week and half later. The boy and her would argue constantly, and both didn't make any efforts to find work. So the boys mom gave Sofia a phone # to the Woman's Resource Center. It turned out this woman, who lived across the street, who had a teenage daughter took Sofia in. Then one day I get an email from Sofia, telling me she is confused and scared. I told her she can come back home provided she agree with what we discussed. Anyway, a week in a half later, this woman kicks her out. Sofia had to call the resource center and this boy and his mom took her there. Bad news, she could only stay one night there because it was for domestic violence. I re-activated her cell phone so she can call me if she needed me. They gave her some bus vouchers and sent her to Roanoke to a shelter. She called me and told me she was terrified. There had already been a big fight in the cafeteria. Even the bus driver told her to watch her back in that shelter. I became scared for her safety, and it was in a really bad area. So I arranged for her to stay in a motel back in Blacksburg, and that I would make a trip up there that weekend. During that time she would go to Roanoke and do day labor.

When I went to Blacksburg that weekend, I met everyone there. I talked to this boys older sister who is a single mom of 3 boys. She noticed that Sofia was really good with her kids (Sofia is excellent with children). So she offered to take Sofia in. She made a deal with her, she would provide room and board and a little cash if she took care of her children while she went to work. I really like this woman, again, instincts. So that is where she is at now. I am so thankful to God for this.

Overall, she is choosing the hardway to start her adult life. But this lady has told me she is going to check into the GED program up there and try to get Sofia to go and take it.

This whole drama was my biggest nightmare. As a result, last week I thought I was having a heart attack at work. The paramedics had to come and take me to the ER. I was so embarrassed. Thank God it was just an anxiety attack. I took two days off of work and rested.

I really missed my friends here, but I just couldn't get motivated to do anything.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Was there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Sorry this was soooooo long.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, I've been on the road for two whole days and my head's still a bit "wobbly" from the long drive. But I just wanted to get online here to say how glad I am to hear your voice. I'm sorry to hear about all this stress you've been under...I can't offer much in the way of advice for this specific type of situation, but I just wanted you to know that I care and will continue to carry you in prayer (you've been there along with your Dad for months now). Again, I'm really glad to see you here and to hear your voice again...

Oh Cathi, honey your plate has been so full, hasn't it? I haven't been in the forums much lately because of work-related things, but I'm so glad I stopped in today.

While I haven't had this particular circumstance to deal with, I have had my boys break my heart over some actions on their part (read bad decisions). I have to admit that I was one of those children you couldn't tell anything to. I had to experience it, usually the hard way. Take heart...

I wish I had words of wisdom to pass on or something encouraging to say. The only thing I can think of at a time like this is our hindsight is 20/20. I think you should trust your "gut." Mine has never failed me. You've given her your thoughts and values, now you have to pray that they kick in.

I know you are worried sick. I will be praying for her safety and for you and your Hubby. God bless all of you!

Keep us posted. JJ

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this.

Thanks Sharon, I have thought of you quite often and I am so glad to see you. I am looking forward to getting in the groove with everyone. How nice of you to reply in spite of your long trip. Being on the road is a double edge sword isn't it? On the one hand your surrounded by beautiful scenery and on the other hand it is exhausting.

Prayer is the best offering there is and I appreciate it. What kept me going was prayer and the fact that everything happens for a reason. I had to believe there is a lesson in this somewhere. I certainly learned a lesson or two.

My Dad and mom just returned from Rhodes after 3 months. I haven't seen them yet, but I am told he is looking good. He had a C-scan on Friday and hopefully there will be good news. If things work out good by September, my parents are going back to Rhodes. I don't blame them, they worked really hard and invested in a home there so they can spend their retired years there. I just wish I could go with them. It's so difficult to get the amount of time off work that I would need to go there. It is an expensive trip and it takes 2 days to get there. One or two weeks doesn't cut it.

Here I go again, rambling on and on. I am going to try to go to Blacksburg in the first weekend in Aug to see Sofia. It's really a nice place. It has a little bit of a Mayberry feel to it.

God Bless,
Cathi

Thanks your Majesty, your advise is in alignment with my gut. It really helps to have that reasurance in decision making.

I have come to terms with this situation and hopefully there will be value in any lesson she learns from this experience.

I have to really trust God in all this. I believe that was my lesson. Even though I have faith, I still felt like I had to do everything myself.

God Bless you your Majesty! It's good to see you!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, we've missed you! It probably really helps just to write it all down and share it; sometimes that helps take the weight off your shoulders. You know the women here will be praying for you and your family.

Keep us posted, and let us know how she's doing. She's lucky to have you. Maybe she can get her GED and then take some online courses for child development and become a pre-school teacher. Just a thought; hang in there!

Kathy

Cathi, it's so great to hear from you. What a shame that you and your daughter are going through all of this. I'm sure you will one day look back on it and see God's grace, but for now, you need endurance. Can you be in touch with her when you want to reach out? I hope so. It's important that she knows you still care and are on her side. Perhaps this woman will be a good role model for her. Is that what you're thinking?

It's hard to beleive that young gal I met at the Cheesecake Factory has gone through all of this. I can picture her so it will be easier to hold her in prayer. I love praying for teens.

Hannelore, that is so true. There are so many kids that are alone in this world. Cathi, I think I would be grateful that she is in a family setting with a woman who needs and cares for her. It could be worse. She could be living in a house full of drunks and druggies. I know you know to look for the blessings. Keep up the good work.

Thank you Dotsie, Hannelore, and Kathy. Well, tonight has been a rough night with her. In truth she needs help, and in a big way. Unfortunately, I can't do a thing about it. Now she's trying to drag my parent's into the drama and quite frankly, I don't want my dad to stress out and get sick.

Sorry, it's been a bad day with her. She wants to be on her own, but she comes to me to try to solve her problems. She can't have it both ways anymore.

She is very fortunate to have a support base there. But, the lady called me last night and told me she is having a difficult time getting Sofia to open up to her. She wanted to know what food Sofia likes so she knows to get it for her the next time she goes grocery shopping. These people are strangers, they are not obligated to go out of their way for her.

Anyway, she got mad at me because we wouldn't buy a plane ticket for her to visit her grandparents for a couple of days. I told her we are not millionaires and she can take the bus. Then she snapped at me and told me not to talk that way to her because she is 18 now. I told her, if that is how she feels, then she doesn't need to depend on me. For God's sake, she texted me because she wanted to send a birthday card to her uncle(the one you met Dotsie) and she didn't have a stamp. What did she want me to do? Send her one? It's things like this and it's frustrating. I am just going to have to let go and ignore her calls for awhile. I really don't want to go into another anxiety attack. I am not doing well in my job, which is client based. Even though they are understanding, my production has gone downhill. If a client is not satisfied and drops us because of me, I'm history. It worries me because I am the one with the health insurance for my family. Richard cannot get health insurance with his job until January.

Thanks for letting me vent. I look at the blessings because I know that God has a lesson in there somewhere. I keep thinking about the Prodical Son in the Bible.

I so appreciate all of you very much and I have to try to come here more often. Just when I feel that I can move on and not be so consumed with this day and night, the barrel falls on top of me again. I have had an idea for a new web-site, several actually, and I have wanted to work on it. They are on subjects I love. But there is work involved and I am so tired by the time I am free to write some contents for it. I want to write them first and do an outline before I get the web-hosting.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

Sounds really tough right now.

I hope she will finish high school and also find a positive passion where she will feel competent long-term.

Both of you have strong personalities (I hope you're not offended), hope both of you find a happy dance together. It'll take a long time...

Have you read the book, by therapist, Harriet Lerner, "DAnce of Anger"? She's written several..

Cathi, I think everyone is reaching out with loving arms here and I hope you feel the love surrounding you. Please do drop by your local library and see if you can find the book Orchid recommended. It just might help answer some questions for you.

Drop here when you can but even when you can't find a spare minute, know that we are all holding you and your family close to our hearts and thinking of you daily. Orchid is right, you have strength and so does your daughter, even if her may be misdirected from time to time.

Hold fast to your faith! God is near....Sending love, JJ

Orchid, don't worry, I am not offended at all! This could actually be the answers I've been asking for. Education has always been important to me and my family.

Thank you so much JJ, you've always been a great support and I am blessed to know you.

My dad talked to me tonight and he is flabbergasted. He said all those that have loved and supported her all her life, are the ones she is treating so badly. I talked to my mom and she told me the next time Sofia calls her and says she misses her family. She is going to tell her, "If you miss your family so much, then you need to go back home and get your GED and get a job." Then I will take you to Greece with me. My mom promised her that two years ago, as an incentive to finish her education on the high school level.

Sofia, and I have noticed this with her peers, are lazy. Sofia will name a profession she is interested in and when someone tells her she needs a diploma or college degree. She drops the subject, because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Her consistency, all her life, has been to work with animals. Again, she at least needs a HS diploma or a GED to get started.

I remember being more ambitious than that. I would try to find out information for the things I may be interested in and most of the time my parent's didn't even know I was doing that. In other words, I was independent. Not only me, but my peers at that time as well. Things have really changed, haven't they?

I love you all alot and I do feel the love surrounding me.

Cheers,
Cathi

Many people return to education when they realise the long term benefit of qualifications.I worked in a further education college and saw sucess many times over.
What if you said OK get a job...the responsibility of earning fitting in at a workplace and then seeing how far(or not) cash stretches.
Sometimes peer pressure leads a person when they are feeling fragile.Does she have a best friend who is on course?
We all have dreams for our children and I do understand your concern so keep us posted at what is happenng.
Mountain ash

Cathi, I agree with all that has been said. Your instincts are to be trusted. She has had a great upbringing, and it sounds like she now needs to find her wings. She seems to have found a safe place to be on her own.

Cathi, I have read and reread your posts and if I may ask you, is your daughter slow? Maybe she needs special help. Some kids find it harder to learn than others and they drop out. Is the reason she is not living at home her idea, or yours? Hang in there, my two grown sons gave me fits while trying to find the right direction for themselves in life. I wanted to strangle my oldest many times when he was a teen but he turned into a wonderful young man. I will say a prayer for the both of you.

Chatty, I use to believe she was slow because I had teachers convincing me she was. Unfortunately, when she was put in the special ed program, she had a red folder, and it followed her wherever she went for the rest of her school years. She would start a school year and would do good until the teacher saw the red folder. Then it was, phone calls, wanting a meeting with me, etc. You get the picture. Below is what I wrote in the second post. But I will add this, when it comes to something Sofia wants, she sure learns it real fast. Another thing, at the time she was about 8 years old, when all this started in the school. She was, in the church we were going to, involved with AWANA. It's a Christian version of the girl scouts. One of their projects was to memorize some Scriptures. Well, she was one of the girls picked to go to the national contest. They didn't just pick anyone. I put these things together and I was convinced that most teachers wanted zombies in their classrooms. Please, if you are in the teaching profession, I don't mean to insult you. I know all teachers are not the same with this thinking. In fact, she did well in the 7th grade, that was because this teacher didn't believe in giving children medicine.

Quote:

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During her expulsion, we hired a private tutor to help her get ready to take the GED. She was doing well and he was surprised that Sofia was even in a special Ed program. See I knew it, I knew she didn't need this mess, but I caved in and gave my permission way back when she was in the 2nd grade. I fought against this special ed teacher back then, because she kept pushing us to get Sofia to take ritalin. For two years I fought. Then I got the impression if I didn't arrange for her to be put on ritalin, they would fail her. Again, gut instincts. But I caved in and they told me it wasn't addictive and she would make straight A's because she had the potential. So I caved in finally. I didn't like the fact that she would possibly have the impression that a pill would solve all her problems. As it turned out, I was right.

This tutor she was going to is a retired middle school teacher and his expertise is in Math, Algebra and the GED. He was astounded with what she would do and how she figured the problems out herself. He would email me after each session to tell me how it went. Sofia was doing good there, she was going to the gym everyday and she had a job she loved at a tanning salon. I knew it was too good to be true.

---

She chose to leave home. This boy she's been infatuated with lives in Blacksburg, which is a 5 hour drive from where we live. I begged her not to go. I reasoned with her and told her that I understood that she wanted to go there. But it would be better for her to get her GED first, and save some money. She just didn't want to wait. So no, she chose to leave.

Cheers,
Cathi

Mountain Ash, she seems to gravitate towards not so good kids. She had a good friend here, and they had a falling out. I am glad because I didn't like that girl to begin with. She was very dominating in that friendship. I hear what you are saying if there is anything to try, we've tried it, believe me. I spent my entire life since she was born focused on her. I put many things on hold and gave up some really good opportunities. I reasoned with it will all pay off in the long run. I have to believe I am still right about that, but she needs to go make her own way. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

As far as education, while it would be nice if she had at least her GED. I am also a believer of it isn't too late. I read "Defying Gravity" and it is an excellent book, and if nothing else, you come out of reading it knowing. It is never too late to get an education. That's what has kept me going and has given me hope.

Anno, one advise I would give new moms is, follow your instincts, even if others are beating you down. I believe if I did that, I wouldn't have started with thread. I am really grateful, at least this boy has a nice family and they are doing everything they can for Sofia. Including, trying to help her get her GED.

Cheers,
Cathi

P.S. If I don't reply right away, it is because I have to go to work. Right now, I am going to see how fast I can put make up on, LOL.

I am not a teacher of children anyway, but I agree with your words. Too many teachers don't want to be bothered or put forth the effort to teach and right away suggest drugs. Thats just plain wrong.

Cathi, I can hear the frustration in your voice. May I suggest you get together with a friend and go to a funny movie? You need a break from all this stress. Sometimes laughing helps. Try to take care of yourself during all of this if at all possible.

Ladies, do you have any suggestions about how Cathi should commnicate iwth her daughter? Do you think she needs to be rough and lay down the law (tough love) or do you think she should be very loving and let her know she is welcome home any time? Should she have a little speech prepared for the next time she calls? Just wondering and trying to figure out how we can be helpful...

Cathi, I'm curious about the woman she is staying with. They just met, right? And she is willing to take her in... Is that because she needs her to watch her kids? If so, don't you think it's odd to take in a total stranger and turn your kids over to her? I don't want to concern you. She could be a Good Samaritan, but I find it odd. I'm sure your daughter can win anyone over. I met her and she was very sweet, but I'm trying to picure myself taking in a total stranger and letting them watch my kids all day.

I just have to bring this up to you because it strikes me as odd. I hope you understand.

Hi ladies,

Sorry it took me a long time to get back. I've had another thing to deal with, and it was a matter of setting the priority for that.

My dad's C-scan came back last week and his tumor is staring to grow again. We were hoping to hear that the tumor stayed the way it was, or even better, the tumor shrunk even more. I am at thier house for the weekend and I took a day and half off work. I've been here since Thursday evening and I am leaving tomorrow back to Chesapeake. My dad had to have chemotherapy again, but this time it isn't as aggressive as before and he seems to be doing well right now. We'll see, he had the treatment yesterday.

To answer your question Dotsie, and it is a good question. She's known Sofia since April, and Sofia has watched the children for her prior to that. Besides, the oldest child is 10 or 11 years old. That's about 3 months they've known each other.

As for what to do. She is going to visit my parent's next weekend. They are going to make an effort to talk to her. We are all going to make sure we tell her, we are not going to bail her out anymore should she find herself in a tough situation. I've already bailed her out a couple of times and she just cannot expect that anymore. She will continue to go the way she is going unless she finds out just how tough things could be for herself.

I can't worry about this as much anymore. This has been consuming me every hour of every day for the past few months. I need some rest and I need to take a break now. I just have to leave this totally in God's Hands.

Thanks everyone for helping me.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

So sorry to hear about your Dad, Cathi. I will pray that the chemo is easy on him.

One day, your daughter will hear everyone's chorus. You have raised her right, and she knows, deep down, what is right. She probably just needs to prove it to herself.

My thoughts are with you.

Cathi, I'm so sorry about your Dad's CT results...this cancer battle is very much a frustrating five steps forward, four steps back, isn't it! Just when you think it's all clear, it finds a way to sneak back in. I'm still (and have been all along) keeping your Dad in my heart-prayer, as well as you and your family. Hang in there, and stay steadfast in your hope and faith...and be en-couraged by our love and support.

Cathi,

Take care of yourself! Keeping all of you in my prayers!

Yes Anno, I have come to the same conclusion. I believe this is a lesson for me too. I just worry all the time over everything, I keep thinking if I don't have control of a situation, it will never get done. I think this is God's way of telling me to allow Him to handle things, to Trust Him. Anyway, I think Sofia just has to learn for herself, but the seeds have been planted.

Thanks Eagle for your words of comfort. You are such a loving soul. I think it will be okay with my dad. He woke up this morning really cheerful. Something I haven't seen most of my life. He's normally quiet! I just hate to leave them tomorrow, but duty calls.

Thanks Jane for all your prayers as well.

Love,
Cathi

Cathi,
Thank you for the update on your Daddy. I'm so sorry it wasn't good news, this time, but take heart because we are all continuing our steadfast prayers for you and yours and God is listening!

We also are covering your daughter and I believe you certainly know best for her. While the choices you are having to make are hard, very hard, you do so because you love her so much. Remember that! Stay strong and let love do the talking!

Cathi, I love the way you always sign off. It makes me smile. We love you too and are right there withyou.

I recall getting that type of news when Mom was sick and it can be so disheartening. All you can do is exactly what you are doing. Keep loving the heck out of him and letting him know how much you care. I know that always boosted Mom's moods and I bet it does the same for your Dad.

About worrying...I finished a really great Bible study, Living Above Worry and Stress, by the Women of Faith gals. It's about the seventh book in the series that I've done and I loved it. They are little work books with space to respond to the questions, interpret the verses they refer to, and really ponder what God is calling us to do with our worry and stress. You are doing exactly what He asks us to do. Keep turning it over to Him. If you are having trouble doing that, I recommend this book/series. I think Eagle is also using them now. Just a thought that is meant to help you on the journey. The books are so positive and uplifting. All the best!

Cathi,
So sorry to hear about the results of your dad's scan. That, plus the problems you've been having with your daughter, are a huge plateful of stress.

I add my thoughts and prayers to help you through this time.

Cathi,
I'm praying for your family. So much for one to deal with.

How old is your daughter? I somehow missed her age. I saw where she was 14, but missed how old she is now. I hope she isn't still 14.

Tough love is never easy but often that's the only way. All you can do is put them in God's hands and have faith that he will look after them when you cannot be there.

Take care of yourself and know that God is with you.

Pam

Cathi,
I'm praying for your family. So much for one to deal with.

How old is your daughter? I somehow missed her age. I saw where she was 14, but somehow missed how old she is now. I hope she isn't still 14.

Tough love is never easy but often that's the only way. All you can do is put them in God's hands and have faith that he will look after them when you cannot be there.

Take care of yourself and know that God is with you.

Pam

Cathi,

We haven't met, as yet. But I understand, as much as I can, your feelings and concern for your daughter.

My son is a father, now. I have been surprised to learn that my love for him, my concern for him, remains the same as when he was a "minor" and under my care and guidence.

It's obvious from your posts, that you feel the same. I've come to believe that our sons and daughters are our children as long as we draw breath.

The issues they are facing may change, but we still want the very best for them. We want to protect them from all harm.

From your posts, I know that you are trying to protect your little bird, even though she's left the nest. You are trying so hard.

It's going to be okay. Really. We have so many resources now, people who are trained to help us with this kind of challenge.

And there are so many parents who understand and have lived through the very same trials as yours.

Isn't it wonderful that times have changed. Many people are willing to share their experiences with young adults.
It isn't an issue that has to be "hidden" any longer.

Well, you know you'll find support here, on these boards.

Take care of you, so that you can continue to help your daughter.

Love,
Emily

Dear Cathi,

We haven't met, as yet, so I'm very pleased to meet you.

I'm the mother of an adult child, who is a dad to two, wonderful boys.

I didn't have any problems with him using drugs (recently, he told be he did experiment).

I've come to the realization that our sons and daughters are our children,no matter their age.

It's natural to remain concerned -okay, worried - about every potenially negative decision they make.

In your situation, I can hear your worry and concern loud and clear.

What's wonderful now, what we didn't have way back when, is the support system available to adult children and their parents.

I know your daughter will be all right. She has you behind her.

But, you do need to take care of you, so that you can continue to support her.

Some really good books might divert your attention enough to "rest" your mind. Or movies, or needlework.

And, of course, the supportive women on these boards are always her for you.

Loe,
Emily

There are two posts from me. The board told me that the first would not be posted because my post was "no longer valid."

I tried to type fast and edit on the second post.

Turns out, both posts are on this forum!

Oh, well.

Love,
Emily

I am sorry I haven't had much time to post lately. Pam to answer your question, she is 18. She just turned 18 in April.

Thanks Emily, it is something I am trying to make peace with.

She is now visiting my parent's this weekend. They want to have a chance to have a say about this situation to her. She grew up with them and they did alot for her, so they deserved to have this chance.

Right now, she seems to be happy. I can't deny her that, especially if I was saying her whole life, I want her happy. My beef has been the way she went about it. Even so, her dad and I have to let this go and put it in the past.

But so far, everything seems okay now as far as she is concerned. I am worried about my dad. I just want him well and with us for as long as God will allow.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

Hi Cathi,
Somehow I missed this earlier. How difficult for you! The thing that your children do teach you is that you have no control. It sounds like your daughter has some growing up to do and she's determined to do it her own way. Which, of course, is why she asks you for things and then goes away -- she can't figure out that her way isn't working, yet.

I send you patience, love and strict boundaries. I hope things get better with your health and your father's. That must be your main concern right now.

Peace and blessings

Cathi, maybe a few lightbulbs about the love of her family will go off for her this weekend and she will ahve a change of heart. Hang in there, We're hanging with you.